I used to see this dude right, he was a pretty straight guy, you know, kinda geeky, went to college, good career, went to church, didn't curse (although not too many people curse as much as me ) I guess the kind of man most would qualify as a good man. Well let's just say this clean cut man had a dirty habit, HE WOULD MASTURBATE EXCESSIVELY. I mean I would go to his condo and catch him masturbating in the living room in the middle of the day and at night in complete darkness. I had the key so it always amazed me every time I caught him since he knew I could walk in on him at any time, it takes alot to shock me so at first I chalked it up to him being a man and doing man things. Then I started thinking, "how is this man datin a big azzed horny heffa but always jerkin off????" it just was'nt adding up. So the jerkin continued on until one morning I was awakened by a shaking bed, when I finally got the cold out my eyes and turned over ole boy was chokin the hell outta his cornish hen, right there in the bed with me!!!!!! UM HELLO, now I've let certain men in my life get away with a lot of bullshit but one thing I've always been is f*ckable, I'll be damned if Imma let some man jerk off in the bed right next to me!
This however does not trump the time I went to his house not expecting him to be there because he told me he wouldn't be and BAM!! there he was in the dark, batin the shat outta his joint and giving me the "let's do it" eyes like this wasn't the weirdest most awkward moment ever. The only positives I can take from this situation is that I clearly ain't no giver upper! I was determined to make this man and his manic masturbating make sense. I expect men to masturbate, it's what they do but when you are planning your day around 'fun time' with yourself perhaps you should seek help.
How does one develop a masturbating problem? I mean seriously, at some point doesn't the penis get sore? He probably had miscellaneous 'man love juice' embedded in all his furniture, I'm surprised I never got pregnant from just sittin on the couch. Some people are so bizarre.
Is it possible to want to bastermate while in the bed with a woman before at least TRYING to gain insertion instead?
ReplyDeleteYou mean so he can last longer or are you suggesting he was trying to be respectful?
ReplyDeleteWell, for the "trying to last longer" thing, one would think to have the sensibilities to sneak away and take a shower and handle that.
ReplyDeleteFor the "trying to be respectful" thing, he would have never removed the sword from its casing.
lol....wow
ReplyDeleteits an addiction just like everything else
probably has nothing to do with the female
I however had an ex husband who would masturbate and NOT DO IT TO ME
lol..now THATS WEIRD
Well gaaaaaaaawd damn!
ReplyDeleteFor real?
Was dude like that?
Yeah, I think dude has a problem. I'd be damned if imma be doin the five finger knuckle shuffle with my piss pump with a woman as good looking as yourself laying next to me. Hell, I wouldn't do it with an ugly heffa layin next to me. Yeah, I'd say dude has problems - even tho masturbation is perfectly normal - and he needs White Jesus, a counselor, and Michael Jackson's sequin glove on both hands permanently.
And you my sister?
If you still seeing this dude...
you need to get one of those CSI black lamps and check the crib for bodily fluids.
he wasn't gay, he liked straight porn (I found out he was mastubating leaving me in the bed naked because I found his stash of USED cum rags and about 30 porn tapes)
ReplyDeleteILK...
ion know what his problem is
I KNOW it wasn't me
The Masturbation on it's own is one thing...but to be in bed with someone that you are seeing/dating that's kinda strange.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, has he no shame. I mean i see no issue with bashing the bishop every once in a while, but whats up with him having different strokes while he lays there next to you? Or better yet, what’s really good with main man pounding out his main man on a schedule lol, "Three o'clock ill have lunch, then head home for a quick beat down, then 4:00 meetings"?
ReplyDeleteI'd like to use this post as one of my guest features. Lemme know what you think or if you have any other suggested posts.
ReplyDeleteMarriage will make most men do shyt like dat. ,.....don't ask me how I know dat shyt, just TRUST ME on this one (smile).
ReplyDelete