Commuter Commentary: "OMG! Metro Got Me Pregnant!!"

So apparently it's now commonplace for men to try to impregnate you on public transportation huh? I was born and raised in NYC so I know all about crowded trains and NY is also where I first became acquainted with my very first "train humper". These are the men that use the crowded train as a deflection so they can then proceed to hump the daylights outta you as the train is in motion and your'e supposed to stand there and let yourself be made love to fully clothed without even so much as a appetizer or a wine cooler . I'm sorry buddy but for all that humping you doin you gonna have to take me to dinner or something, there are no free rides ova here!

These DC metro riders gotta be kidding me, I've been train humped by the best of them. The best part is DC trains are never as crowded as NY during rush hour so you are clearly trying to get your morning jollies off on me and you did'nt even have the decency to stop at mcdonald's and buy me a egg mcmuffin??? I'm not gonna front, I'm no stranger to being humped but it's usually by someone I know or at the very least I know his first name . When I was a teenager I used to get humped so much that I thought I was'nt a virgin, I actually thought humping was sex and one day when me and my little crew were sittin around talking and sex came up (as it usually does with teens) I proudly and loudly proclaimed "WELL I AM NOT A VIRGIN LIKE YA'LL, I HAVE SEX ALL THE TIME!" they were like "OH MY GAWD, FA REAL?" I said "YEP, JUST A FEW MINUTES AGO RAHIEM DID IT TO ME IN THE STAIRCASE" and then to prove I was a sex goddess I showed them how it was done and everything, well of course they busted out laughing and quickly informed me that I was not having sex, I was simply being "felt up" but I still did'nt believe them, hey what did I know?