Things Negroes Like

It's Tuesday, so it's time for the weekly rundown of things you Negroes like. And in honor of my Irish roots, yeah right, I'm cracking open a Guinness while I write this.

Office Pools

Black people sure love to gamble. What is it with you people and your brackets? March Madness officially kicks off in 2 days and I've been bombarded with requests to 'join my team' or 'fill out a bracket' or 'slide me $20 and I'll put you in the office pool.' No thank you. I'll save my $20 for some gas. Have you been watching the news dammit. It's a recession. And the team I like never wins anyway.

Naming Kids After Vehicles, Alcohol and Barack

Please do me a favor if you're pregnant, go to the bookstore (yes, a place where they sell books) and buy yourself a book of baby names. Choose a name from inside this book and nowhere else. Do not, I repeat, do not, name your child after anything that can be found behind a bar, in a driveway or the White House. Let this be the year of new beginnings and no children named "Nuvo."

Fake Handbags

Look down at your purse... are the Coach "Cs" looking like "Gs"? Is your Prada a Nada? Is your Fendi a Fondu? If you answered yes to any of these, your purse is fake and everyone knows it. Leave the fake bags on Canal Street and go to Marshalls for some nice leather. Or at least tell the Canal Street man to remove the tacky Dolce&Gabbana logo. You can still rock a logo-free bag without us staring at your Louis Vitton.