Brew Big-ups: Lifetime Television

Break out the Blood Orange soda and popcorn. Let's celebrate the greatness that is Lifetime Television!!! I truly can spend a whole weekend watching those crazy whooties get smacked down, deceived and lied to. The story plots are so corny, but I can't get enough. As soon as I flick on the teevay I get all warm and fuzzy when I see titles like "Mother May I Sleep With Danger?", "Deceived", "Death of a Cheerleader" or any of those Moment of Truth joints. Next thing you know it's dark outside and my baby has eaten his right arm because I forget to cook. It's bad as crack, no meth! Even late at night with the rest of the networks have throw'd up duces and are showing the infomercials, you can get a good dose of beat dat ass on Lifetime. It's the only time I can stomach Tori "Down Face" Spelling. It's like a resting place for D-listers and old ass child stars. I can't be the only one watching, rubbing my feetzes together, head wrapped with goodies galore on my nightstand. "All my single ladies, all my single ladies..."