Things Negroes Like: Halloween Candy Edition

Halloween season is upon us! Time is ticking away if you haven’t gotten your candy game up to par. Don’t puss out and be the only house on the block giving out raisins and apples to the little demons who knock on your door. Here’s what you need to buy if you’re blessed to live amongst the Negro children.

Now and Laters Now'laters (keep it real)

This is the nectar of the Negro child. Sweet, yet sour and totally portable, never messy. I remember when a dollar would get you a month’s supply of these things. If you don’t have them in your candy stash tomorrow night, you might get egged.






Nerds

You’ll find us colored aren’t much for an abundance of chocolate. Oh, we like the chocolate, don’t get me wrong. But we’ll take a handful of Nerds to give us that sugar rush that makes that untreated cavity hurt any day over a Snicker bar.








Lemonheads/Appleheads/Cherryheads

These are currency in the Black community. You could use a box of these to trade instead of cigarettes if you’re in the clink.







Starburst

If they made these in an IV liquid drip, we’d find a way to attach ourselves to one and still go to work.










Peppermint Patty/Kit Kats/Twix/Snickers

I always found the bougie, more affluent houses had these chocolate treats. So plant yourself in a tree-lined, gated community (oh come on, you know how to get past the gate) and get you some premium chocolate!



 Candy Corn

I dunno about you, but in my hood, the people who gave out candy corn got toilet papered. Candy corn is right up there with the marshmallow peep. What’s its point?






Happy Halloween! 

Brew public safety announcement: You know the Negro children will dress in all black and pass it off as a ninja costume, so be safe and don’t run ‘em over.