Toot Your Own Horn Tuesdays...

It's a rainy shitty day here in the nation's capitol and as I sit here fartin and reflecting on life, I have come to one conclusion, I AM ONE HOT SEED OF A LOONEY TUNE!!! (no fa real, my father is a head job)

I mean I just love myself so much today. I love my huge, rotund ass (and apparently it loves it itself too, how do I know you ask? cause the dimples let me know it's smiling I love my Millie Jackson, Gladys Knight lips/mouth, I love my big ass size 10 feet and the lil vienna sausage-like pudgy toes that come with them, I love my little freakish hands that don't match with my big body, I love my kinda cleft chin, I love my ashy knees, I love my little tiny nose.

I really wish people wouldn't be so hard on themselves ya know? If you fat, love the shit outta your fat ass!!, but loving yourself also includes eating just a tiny bit less and getting in a little exercise wouldn't hurt either. If you skinny, REJOICE!!!!! for the world is at your feet my frail friend. You can never be too rich or too skinny right? ok no but seriously, stop wishing for a different body and just work the one you got. Heaven was never promised to anyone cause they had dumps like a truck or an ass that can knock down buildings. The grass is always greener..... remember that.

Now if you're ugly things are not so cut and dry but the solution can be simple. You must dress REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY (did I say really?) REALLY REALLY REALLY nice. I mean no half stepping here, you hear me?! I'm talking impeccable. Always remember that you are ugly and this is your only recourse. And remember ugly folks, don't get down on yourself, many ugly people go on to live happy and productive lives.

So with that being said, please please please try to be happy at all times and live! life is way too short. Take stock of why you love you and jot it down so you have something to reference on those days you are feeling down.

Ok,TOODLES ASSHOLES!!!! (damn that was really uncalled for, someone should kick my ass for that) I promise I'm gonna stop cursing this year, fa real!

This you tuber seems to be pretty spot on about what loving yourself entails, so give her a looksie!