Ask A Dude: Special Dumping Edition

Soo..Dudes I have a question...

Doesn't it generally take a little less than 10 minutes to break up with someone? Like do you spend an entire year, trying to end a relationship with someone that you are neither married to or have children with?

Doesn't it seem rather counter-productive to be consistently calling, checking in with, conversing, caring for when they are ill and taking out on dates- on your dime, if you are trying to SHAKE someone? I mean, they may not take the HINT from all that wining, dining and sixty- nining.

How do you like to issue the walking papers? Via 'texasses', a firm handshake, or by a year of steady dating??

*****
Gross Dude: Personally, I just prefer to vanish in thin air but this forking Technology make it difficult. Facebook, emails, cell phones, Zaba Search, peoplefinder, highschool reunion.com and all that shit makes the disappearing act virtually impossible. And a lot of the women with the bad self esteem wont take "no, go away" for an answer so I'm going to try something new... start telling them where they are on the list/rotation. I'm thinking.. if I say.. you are #4 of 5 on the rotation, maybe they will get offended and go away. #1,2 and 3 gets first dibs on my time so you have to wait. (Brew note: Seriously, does it get Grosser than this dude?)

Rev. Real: 2 hours tops. What you're dealing with someone who has an inner fear of commitment and an outward inability to reconcile the emotional indifference it creates.

SUpreme: I don't know what guys you witches are referring to many times...gosh, you must be surrounded by SUCH SCRUBS!!! OF course it doesn't take long to break up with someone - once you've come to that conclusion, it's pretty much a done deal, at least for me. Sure, you may want to do it as gentle and in the least painful way as possible, but over is OVER. I don't want to drag ANYTHING out. I want to move on. I usually meet with a person face to face, talk to them like an adult, and we usually end it peacefully and like mature people. 95% of the time the person and I remain VERY good friends, even to this day. No drama, no dragging things out, none of that. I find that both people usually know when it's headed to the end - it really ain't a surprise. And since I'm always straight up and honest, we can usually move forward as friends. I don't lead anyone on or willfully try to crush any one's heart.

Mr. Crab: (Mr. Crab has died in a transatlantic flight, he will no longer partake in the Round table).