Ask A Dude: Eleven WhoAres Grinding...

Brew Chick Q:

So...you're getting murried..aw that's nice, 'yay love' and alla that. Your boys, looking out for YOU (yep, nothing in it for them at all...) decide to throw you a bachelor party...with ELEVEN strippers (hell, why not make it a dozen, heck a bakers dozen?!)...but I digress.

Do you tell your fiancee, what's on the agenda? Or is it none of that chick's business?

And please explain to women why you feel it is imperative to get shit faced/hump greasy sweaty, most likely generously badly tatted, strange ladies (and see them do side show vaginal tricks) before getting married?

Discuss.


PHLIP: If I was getting married, then I would at least tell her what we were doing, and given that I would be the model citizen that I would have to be to even let it get up to getting married in the first place, I would have nothing to worry about.


Why? Bachelor (and Bachelorette, don't try to front and act like men are the only ones) parties are supposed to be about someone's "last night as a free man/woman," and the generally accepted (and safest, actually) way to go about that is a drunken night out with your friends and the services of a skrippah or 15. So long as you are adhering to the "build your appetite where you want, but eat at home" rule, then no rules are broken. If she can't trust him or he can't trust her to not fuck the fuck up that night, then they should probably rethink why it is they're getting married in the first place.

THE CASHER!: Nope. You don't tell. That's one of the man codes. Women don't know how to let stuff go, and if you tell, you may hear about it whenever she feels like throwing that trump card.
A bachelor party is "supposed" to serve as your last hoorah. You're supposed to get as wild as you can, because once you say "I do", your life changes. For better or for worse is a matter of opinion. And usually, the stripper does what you know your wife won't do. The wife's pictured as the beautiful bride. Sweet and pure on her big day. It's supposed to be set around romance and love, even on the honeymoon. The stripper though...straight butt naked ass fun.
So let him live it up and have his last night. He may never have another with his boys, especially

BIANCA: So, marriage means he can't see his friends anymore? No wonder the divorce rate is so high, jeez! (*Well except for his friend name Ced.. NEVER under any circumstances trust your man's friend, if his name is "Ced". It's a rule I stand by, Trust me).






SUpreme: First off - NO. I wouldn't tell my wife about the details of the party, only that we were having one. No matter what you say or how you frame it, it's only going to feed her fears, doubts and/or insecurities about the party. And in the case of SOME women - they'll even try to crash it.
As far as why you have the party - no man can speak for every man's motivation. In my experience...the party is usually more fun for the groom's boys, though I'm not trying to say the groom doesn't have fun. It's like their way of saying "This is IT! After tonight, the only booty you'll ever see is HERS." So, the organizers tend to make the party over-the-top and take it to extremes that no man tends to see or go through in normal life, to give him the "last hurrah" before forsaking all women for the rest of his life.
Parties can go from one extreme to the other. I've seen parties where the groom left after a half an hour, but the party went all night. An d then I've seen...well, I won't get into THAT. I'll just say it IS up to the groom how much active participation in the fun he experiences. And not EVERY bachelor party is evil or has the same activities

Bianca: Personally, I say let your man do what he wants (he will anyways). #kanyeshrug...

But, I swear, I'm sending this here dime as a gift for my next to be married, homie.

You're welcome.

ASK A DUDE©: Brace Yourself!

SOO... the Witches and I choppin it up via email, as we do...and the subject of anal loving came up.

OK, I MAY have brought the subject up, sue me. Annnnywhositsway..

We ask our dudes to weigh in:

To do or not to do.... in the BOOGINA?
*****

Ask A Cash: Do if you down, don't if you're not. Don't really know what else to say about that, but I'm sure some of the other dudes will. (reaching for popcorn and a drink)















Phlip: Golden rule applies here... Mine is to remain treated as "exit only" and in return I will treat yours the same.










Rev Real: No, unless as Slick Rick said, you have a "yay wide" gap.


BIANCA: As in too wide to have sexy times the regular way? My head hurts.

SUpreme: I do not put my Creation Rod into anyone's muddy feces deposit chute! EVER! Yuck. I can't speak for anyone else, but that's like 1 step away from being Oz-ready...and Adabise ain't gon' see THIS kid - EVER!!! Nah, homie...I don't play with the poop chute. Once again, I treat it like 7Up - I never have, and I never will...
And it goes without saying - no one touches my brown globes unless it's to clutch them while I'm thrusting myself hither unto thou...

BIANCA: Creation Rod, Oz Ready? I can't with this guy...he gets the tittycheese man as an avatar!

Gross Dude: This may come as a shock to you but... I'm not a fan! Ive knocked off a couple of chicks in the butthole in my time.....but that was pretty much a case of..."I wonder how far this chick will go", so it was more of a test as opposed to a fascination. I dont even bother pushing that envelope...I'm more partial to chicks that swallow these days but that's another conversation. But back to the topic at hand... I've had instances where a turd would drop out afterwards giving it to them in the butt....and that is just a mood killer. I'm not a fan of shit.. especially when its not in its proper place...so when it ends up on your floor or bed it kinda ruins the moment for me.


BIANCA: *Blink* ........*Blink*

ASK A DUDE: Respeito!

A BREW CHICK ASKS:

Since Elin and Tiger were spotted together today, I'd like to know if a woman forgives a man for cheating that many times does he lose all respect for her? Does the husband now think he has carte blanche to do anything, since she has appeared to, let his transgressions go??

Dudes?

REV REAL: Not necsessarily. He got caught at ONE TIME boning 11 chix, not Caught 11 times. There's a difference. If she instills the fear of God in him Lorena Bobbitt style, he'll respect her.

But dude is mad corny and a sellout so I'm perfectly ok with her wrapping a pitching wedge around his cabbage one mo' 'gain.

PHLIP: If a woman forgives a man for cheating once, maybe a couple of times if it is a rocky relationship and they get it together on the strength of the kids, then yes some respect can be salvaged.However, if a dude cheats THAT many times and/or has a ton of money, it is telltale that he has options and is simply going through the motions. A 10-figure earner has the options to make another forgive and forget a lot more easily, even if they did not want to. For that, I can't imagine he has a ton of respect for her or will ever be fully "rehabbed," as if he ever intended to be. (COINCIDENTALLY, PHLIP BLOGGED ABOUT THIS VERY TOPIC: CHECK IT OUT)

GROSS DUDE: Well, this is a case by case scenario. I would have to say in this case.. no... why? Cause Elin lost her damn mind and beat the sh!t out of that man with his own Golf Clubs. No man will feel safe sleeping next to that woman if he would plan on continuing that behavior. Golf clubs today but it will be something sharp or flammable next time.

Now.. lets say Elin just rolled over and pretended like it wasn't going on and lived in denial like some women are prone to do.. then yeah.. No Respect

BIG IN EUROPE: Nah, really, what happens is he starts walking on egg shells until he can't take it anymore. Then he leaves her.

The Casher!: This is not your everyday scenario. This involves money and status and is not solely about vows and respect. When a man has money and power, he does this because every thing is expendable at the time. He's alpha-male and not too many scootchies are gonna say no. But that's beside the point.Will he respect her?

He could look at it two different ways:

1.) This relationship is about her comfort, my appeal, and the appearance of happiness. There's no love there and as long as I keep her ass in the finest of things, she ain't goin nowhere. It's almost like calling her bluff and since she didn't get serviced by someone else or leave him with half, then he doesn't HAVE to respect her. She's just another possession to him and she respects that paycheck. We'll see if a tiger can change his stripes...

2.) He can respect that she tried to go Mary Woodson and whoop dat ass. At THAT moment, he may have thought that, okay, this one cares a little bit. So maybe he respects her and that ass whoopin on reserve if he ever sleeps around on her again.
Either way, that's money and wouldn't happen to the average man. To him, if he cheats repeatedly without any repercussions, he'll keep doing it until there are some or he gets tired of it.

BIANCA: There you have it, Respect = Fear / Cold Hard Cash...carry the 1

ASK A DUDE©: That's a Lotta Cake!

Cheatin' Guy wants to know:

Let's say you have two "girlfriends", through some horrible twist of fate they have the SAME birthday! What do you do?!

Bianca: Fellas, let's help this busy guy out!

The Judges

PHLIP: First of all... Having 2 girlfriends at one time makes one a shitty individual and lays one very much deserving of the heartache that is due to come as a result of this no-win situation. He could decide which is the least problematic of a few situations:

1. Decide which one he likes less, and break up with her and kick it with the other.

2. Come clean to both of them, expecting both to want to break up, or using it as a means to turn it up with the one he intends to keep.

3. Do nothing, tell a lie to avoid one ON the day and deal with the problem later.

Any way about this, this situation has no wins and will wind up costing a considerable amount, monetarily (to him, at least) and emotionally to all involved. Guess what, though? HE DESERVES IT.

SUpreme: This is a question best answered by cheaters, pimps or "players"...which I'm none of. So I don't know the "player thing to do", cuz I would never HAVE two girlfriends. Now, if I was simply dating two women with the understanding we weren't exclusive and just seeing how things go...I guess I would simply choose to spend time with the woman I was feeling more on said date. The other one...I'd simply call her to wish her a happy birthday.

The Enablers:

THE CASHER: Celebrate both birthdays, just not on the same day. Push one to the previous week, because you're "busy" the next week.

REV REAL: Easy. Take the demure one to lunch. Take the jumpoff out that night. If ms. Demure asks, tell her u have to work late. Playas know how not to tell the truth without lying.

Play on, playaaaaaaaaaaa


Bianca: Isn't it nice to know women fit into such neat little boxes, we're either demure or jumpoffs. Really, Rev?

GROSS DUDE: This is one of those rare times where I can honestly say.. "this has never happened to me". but if it DID!!! I would mysteriously have a business trip that day or there will be a sudden illness to a relative in Zimbabwe and I have to fly out to see them to make sure everything is OK. So I will be seeing on the weekend before to celebrate and another the weekend after. Regardless.... its easy to get out of...and if Cheatin Guy can't figure this out, he needs not to be cheating. Damn amateurs!

The Pervert

BIG IN EUROPE: Try to arrange a menage!! If you can pull it off it will be like YOUR BIRTHDAY, TOO!!

Ask A Dude©: The 4000 Cent Question

So... This week, the formerly fine D'Angelo got arrested trying to get some 4000 penny ($40,Mad 3rd grade math conversion skillz, yo!) head. Would you ever pay for brain?

And as long as you are at the Proddy-toot stand, would you ever let the dude in the dress give you the mouth bidness?

I mean as the jail saying goes: "A mouth is a mouth!'

Discuss.

*****

BIG IN EUROPE: Well, in essence, we are paying for poon, be it directly or indirectly; be it mentally, monetarily, or in good ole blood, sweat and tears. But, if the question is, "Would I pay a hooker, harlot, lady of the evening, concubine, strumpet, harlot, jezebel, or any of the other turn of the century colloquialisms I can think of to not call a hooker a whore", Then that answer is NO. Emphatically NO. NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

And, as for the dude mouth question, I will just take it that collectively, the proprietors of Witches Brew Blog, must have bumped their motherfuckin heads. I will pretend to no have been tried. Real hard I will try to not feel tried.

Big in Europe is Big in EUROPE but only when Europe is a woman. Y'understand?

Bianca: *sigh* I hate these guys..

SUpreme: I treat this situation like Seven Up - I never have, and never will... (***Bianca: I guess he's a Sprite guy? )

I ain't payin' for ISH. You have to be a pretty pathetic dude to go trolling the streets for random AIDS carriers to put mouth to penis. I can't relate - I don't think this way, and don't congregate with those who do. Paying for ANY type of sexual involvement is against my genetic code.
And as for the second part of your question - um, save that for the Karamo Negroes/Andrew Cunanan-types of the world. Homey don't PLAY THAT.

THE CASHER: Hell no, I ain't paying! No man should have to pay when there are plenty of women that would do it for free. Find one that loves it more than brushing her teeth, and save your money. And ladies, if you're one of those women who don't, or don't think she should be doing it, you probably have cobwebs on your kitten, and are wondering why you can't keep your man. I can think of at least five days when you should be practicing until you perfect it so much that your whistles are heard within a five mile radius.

And as far as dudes, f*ck no! Not enough drugs in the world could make me go there.

REV REAL: Negative. You know my answer to this, son!

Bianca: Siiiigh, his answer to this is a real long drawn out 'NO' that involves a former married(to a woman) pastor who would stare at the Reverend Real Pant Bulge and lick his lips as he twirled his porn 'stache. He even gave him the 'a mouth is just a mouth' line. He will only say it was not THIS GUY. Which woulda been kinda cool. Our dear Realest Rev told him to go heal himself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka, and such is history. And apparently the Rev was too busy being hot man-candy Rev bait, to type this all out for you all and made me do it. (Virtually glaring at the Rev).

PHLIP: No, I would NEVER pay for any act of sex. Not in a world where there exists so much available for free.And HELL no I would never let anyone who MIGHT look like a dude near my member.

Bianca: But what if it looked like hot chick who just happened to be a dude? Hmm?? What then? WHAT THEN!!?!

Please welcome Our Newest Dude:

REGGIE DA BLOGGER: ( check him and his twisted mind out at his blog): Absolutely not!!! Okay okay.....let me qualify that. I'm not old enough and fat enough and ugly enough to have to start paying for that-- just yet. I know I joke around a lot and there are times that I allow my sense of humor to get the best of me..........but I draw the line here; and as much as I do so love to have my good old Alabama black snake mouthified, a man can't do it for me. Who'll know? I'll know. Once a man crosses that line........he can't step back over it as if it didn't happen. I know men that probably wouldn't care and it's because of them that the perceptions of so many "downlow brothers" being out there persists. While it is what it is, it wouldn't be Reggie.

GROSS DUDE: First of all a mouth is not JUST a mouth! That's some bullisht! That said, I have paid for many blowjobs.. you think those dinners were free!! Those movies? All that gas money and tolls, just to get some head. Hell, at least the prostitutes cut out all the bullshit.. just here..take the money! I don't have to feed you, talk to you, spend time with you.... I just want head so I can go home and drink beer and watch TV.

OK..I'm kidding...sorta.

Personally, I'm wondering how Proddytootion got to be the Oldest Profession, with everyone claiming they 'never would'.

Somebody is going to these ladies and lady-dudes of the evening. #justsaying

So, what's your call? Brewchies, could you date a man who confessed to paying for orals and/ or getting head by his 'drunk' college roomie, Steve? Does it even matter?

Ask A Dude©: The Ol' Date and Switch!

Brew Chick Inquires: So, you are dating (and coiting) a girl. She likes you A LOT more than you like her. You meet her best friend. You like HER more. Do you attempt to segue from one bedroom to the next (praying to not get shot) or do take the L and not pursue, in order to spare the 1st chick's feelings?

Would you be pissed if a girl did this to you?

Dudes?

THE GOOD

Phlip (check out his blog!): The matters of common decency drive that one take the L and spare the feelings of all involved. This goes not to mention that trying to dip on someone in favor of their best friend, who is the individual most likely to know the situation between you two, SHOULD be a fail to begin with. Seriously, what person who is worth hanging around would take on the significant other (or potential significant other) of their best friend?

On that same token, I would have every right to be pissed at BOTH parties if a chick did that to me, provided the 3rd party knew about us.


SUpreme: I think every dude, whether they admit it or not, has been involved with a woman and then met a friend of hers you may consider an "upgrade" - be it just looks or the total package. Me personally, I find it tacky and in poor taste to literally try to leave one girl for her friend. It just makes you look like a pig or a dog, which is what many women think about guys *anyway*. Why be THAT guy?? There are PLENTY of women out there...why go after her FRIEND? Even if her friend would be with it...but that's another topic (trifling-ass friends).

If you're not happy with Girl A, just move on. And don't do it the Jerry Springer way.

As far as a girl doing that to me, would never happen. My boys and I have lived by the same code since we were young - no "passing girls around" the crew. So even is she came one strong as can be, none of us would go with it. So no, I wouldn't be pissed - me and my crew would laugh at how trifling this chick is to think she could go from one of us to the next. And we'd probably lose a lot of respect for that woman.


Rev Real: Depends on the skill set. Is girl #1 keeping my pants on the ground? Hat to the side? Sperm count low, lookin' like a fool? Then no.

As a guy's guy, I would be mad...but hey, the numbers are in my favor.

THE BAD

ZOMBIE OF MR. CRAB: I was in this position in high school, but my stupid ass chose the high road. Her best friend was finer in ever single physical category, even the smell of her poon tank! I wish I would've gotten some instead of just a great friendship and the semi-street legal friend. Churrch!

(Bianca: Did this fool say 'HIGH SCHOOL'? I quit this b!tch)

THE GROSS

Gross Dude: When doesn't this happen? I'd have to say more often that not. Every woman out there has a single friend cuter or sexier than they are.. and every man they date will acknowledge that. Hell, they don't even have to be cuter or sexier...just available. It's not smart to jump ship immediately.. a guy should do the exact opposite.. be even nicer to the one he has already bagged. Why??? b/c the next woman will want that for themselves....and eventually, they will fall into his lap..... naked. Some of you women are your own worst enemies and will knock off your girlfriend's man in a heartbeat. I know some of you are saying "Iwould never do that", but I bet some one of your girlfriends will.

Oh.... and I wouldn't feel too bad if it was done to me... I think back in the frat days of passing the pu$$y desensitized me. And I pretty much expect this, at this point. Many chicks had moved on to me after messing with some of the bruhs.. and they continued to move on from me to other bruhs. Just a vicious cycle but, good times, GOOD TIMES!

So, what's your call?

Guy's Do you agree with our Good Dudes or is Gross Dude the man with the perfect sleazy plan?

And ladies, would you go on a sloppy seconds reconnaissance mission with your BFF's boo?

Ask A Dude©: He's Just Not Into You (At All) Boo Boo

Brew Chick Says: So, I have a friend who is a little delusional. Dudes, can you help me to help her? She has a 'guy friend' that she does EVERYTHING with: Movies, plays, road-trips, weekly dinners, etc.

She wants to get romantical, but he has not made a single romantic move in a year plus (Not even flirting). Note, she has let him know she is open to him as a romantic suitor, and she is very single and very available. She claims he's not putting on the moves b/c ''He doesn't want to ruin the friendship". I'm pretty sure, he just not interested in her doggie style so...who's right? Personally, I've never heard of a man caring about a woman's friendship at the detriment to his peen-parts but I am willing to be wrong.

Discuss.......

GROSS DUDE: Here are my 4 potential explanations

• 1 - He's Gay...... I'm sure this will cross everyone's mind so I'll say it for those that are afraid to say it.

• 2 - He has an incurable STD

• 3 - She's physically repulsive to him but real cool and funny..... (this is kinda strange b/c a fella will only be seen in public, alone with a chick he finds repulsive but so many times. After a years+ of hanging out you begin to wonder.)

• 4 - (This one I admit to doing) She has so many other pretty/sexy friends, she is his outlet to get to them and messing with her will simply mess that up.

SUpreme: There's not much to add to this. You already said it - she's DELUSIONAL. Accurate assessment.

There's not a heterosexual man on this Earth who is into a woman and won't respond to her advances, flirtations or anything of the sort. Shoot - I got a girlfriend and I STILL tell my female friends (jokingly) "don't play...I ain't one of those 'metrosexshamels' who 'don't notice' that you look good!"

He obviously ain't that into her in THAT way. "Don't wanna ruin the friendship"?? Man...a dude will convince himself of every reason in the book why that WON'T happen if he's into a girl! I actually tend to date women who are first my friends, so this excuse is null and void.

So if she's sure he playing for The Packers (read between the lines), then the answer is obvious. She's deluding herself and needs to move on. And please believe - there's very little chance that all this time they've been hanging and he hasn't even brushed her hand accidentally, that he hasn't been shucking his ducky with SOMEBODY.

Keep him in the "friend zone" and move on to next one.


BIG IN EUROPE: To my knowledge (I may have to do a little more research on this one, but I don't think so), never in the history of DUDEDOM has a man told a woman that he was even REMOTELY interested in, that he only wants to be friends with her... UNLESS, he currently involved with someone "better" and just biding his time until THAT is over, OR the girl told HIM that SHE wants to be friends first, and he's just saving face.

In my honest opinion (Don't you hate when people say that? 'In my honest opinion', like you're going to give someone else's opinion), if the man says he "just wants to be friends", then he's either not interested... at ALL ... or gay.
Namaste, bitch!... Big In Europe, taking folks to church since 2009.

Ask A Dude ©: SNEAKIN' THE FREAKIN'

Brew Chick Presents
the
Following Scenario:

"Dude A" is best friends with a woman but it's strictly platonic. His boy, "Dude B", comes into town for visit and both dudes and the female BFF hang out. The BFF and "Dude B", the visitor, are immediately attracted to each other. They later start hooking up secretly because "Dude A" has been known to be a hoarder when it comes to chicks, even girls he's just friends with. But the relationship is getting serious now, should they tell "Dude A"? And does "Dude A" have a right to be upset?

Bianca: Dudes? What say you?....


REV REAL: Not unless Dude B is known to be a player, and will dog out the female BFF.

Bianca: That Rev, so sensible, so to the point, so zzzzzzzzz...let's throw it to my favorite wackadoodle---



GROSS DUDE: As a hoarder of women myself.. NO, he should not be upset... that's why u hoard.....attrition is the norm and should be expected so you keep hoarding more women. If u don't lose them to your best friend, some random outside dude is eventually going to chip away at your harem anyway. But if its serious and really has potential, then that's reason to be excited for them. A wedding is coming, with open bar and a free meal...and possibly lots of desperate bridesmaids, to do what? HOARD! I don't think this guy is an opportunist like me. He needs to think big picture.
( Bianca: Any one else think this dude has feral puss running around his house like on Hoarders?)




THE CASHER!: If Dude B was a real dude, he would have told Dude A from the beginning. What is he hiding for??? Are they back in high school??? And if Dude A gets upset....SO!!! I'd LAUGH at a dude for getting mad cause I'm talking to his "friend". That's straight up bitchassness and I'd pass him some midol and a heating pad.

But the sad news, is the "relationship" with Dude B and the BFF probably won't last outside of the "secret". Once the excitement is gone and Dude A finds out, they're done.

Bianca: Wow that Casher is a killjoy, huh?

SUpreme: I'm gonna say from the jump...this scenario reeks of bitchassness...

None of my boys would ever "secretly" hook up with a girl I was cool with, nor would I do that with them. We're BOYS - we discuss whatever WHENEVER, cuz what does it matter? Why let a chick come between us? AND, WTF is this "hoarding chicks" thing you speak of? Dude hoards chicks he's NOT romantically linked to? Huh?

To answer the questions:

(Bianca: Gee, thanks for getting around to that..)

1. Of course they should tell Dude A! How y'all hooking up with each other behind the back of the mutual best friend?!? Y'all can't be too tight if y'all gotta hide things like that from someone who is allegedly y'all best friend. My best friends and I don't hide anything other than surprises from each other.

2. Does Dude A have a right to be upset? I'd say so...two of his best friends were attracted to and hooking up and found it necessary to hide it and deceive him? Man, it ain't even ABOUT being upset about them hooking up - who cares that they hooked up? Everyone is cool, right? It's about feeling the need to be shady and secretive about it when that wasn't warranted.

But the scenario presented has strong implications that both men may possess Day 26 albums...

(Bianca: Or have been kicked out of the group, itself.)

Ask A Dude©: The Christmas Special

Bianca: So Gross Dude, how does a man about town handle Christmas with all your bitches?

Gross Dude: Why they gotta be bitches....Were u one of my bitches back in the day?

Bianca: The bitchiest of them all, baby! Now back to you and your present day, bitches. (Yes.. we dated, DON'T JUDGE ME! The sun was in my eyes.. the Backstreet Boys had just broken up!!)

Gross Dude: LMAO... well, at least your fair.. can't argue with you. Just a lot of merry Xmas phone calls.. that's all.

Bianca: A LOT? A lot of calls. You are one nasty mofo, you know that?

Gross Dude: ...and some text messages

Bianca: You really go all out, don't you?

Gross Dude: Yeah.. it's hard being me

Bianca: Thanks for this fireside chat, Nasty ass

Gross Dude: I'm so not nasty...Women use me for sex.... I just happen to like sex. A lot.

Bianca: Yes, you are doing a community service. Hey, whatever helps you sleep at night.

Gross Dude: It does.. it really does.

Bianca: (having a flashback moment) You're clearly well practiced so it is good, but it's not that good that A Holiday TEXT would suffice. I am so confused.

Gross Dude: A woman that lives a few blocks from me, walked over.. in all that snow, last weekend.. at 11PM .. just to get it.

Bianca: REALLY??

Gross Dude: Yep

Bianca: I mean.. have you learned new tricks or something? I mean it's pleasant enough, sure. but I never thought of you having Blizzard Dick.

And a Happy HO HO HO'ing to you all!