Ask A Dude©: The Christmas Special

Bianca: So Gross Dude, how does a man about town handle Christmas with all your bitches?

Gross Dude: Why they gotta be bitches....Were u one of my bitches back in the day?

Bianca: The bitchiest of them all, baby! Now back to you and your present day, bitches. (Yes.. we dated, DON'T JUDGE ME! The sun was in my eyes.. the Backstreet Boys had just broken up!!)

Gross Dude: LMAO... well, at least your fair.. can't argue with you. Just a lot of merry Xmas phone calls.. that's all.

Bianca: A LOT? A lot of calls. You are one nasty mofo, you know that?

Gross Dude: ...and some text messages

Bianca: You really go all out, don't you?

Gross Dude: Yeah.. it's hard being me

Bianca: Thanks for this fireside chat, Nasty ass

Gross Dude: I'm so not nasty...Women use me for sex.... I just happen to like sex. A lot.

Bianca: Yes, you are doing a community service. Hey, whatever helps you sleep at night.

Gross Dude: It does.. it really does.

Bianca: (having a flashback moment) You're clearly well practiced so it is good, but it's not that good that A Holiday TEXT would suffice. I am so confused.

Gross Dude: A woman that lives a few blocks from me, walked over.. in all that snow, last weekend.. at 11PM .. just to get it.

Bianca: REALLY??

Gross Dude: Yep

Bianca: I mean.. have you learned new tricks or something? I mean it's pleasant enough, sure. but I never thought of you having Blizzard Dick.

And a Happy HO HO HO'ing to you all!

Christmas Corner: X-mas and Your New Boo.......

Don't cha just hate meeting someone new around the holidays? Yeah it's fun going out for steaks and martinis but then you realize, "oh snap! do I have to buy this fool something for Christmas?' and if so, what?

A sweater from "The Gap"? 

the December issue of 'Playboy'? 



















a dime bag?








some black n milds? 
















some regular sized condoms (cause the magnums are a smidge baggy)? Ugh! I hate this!!!

Now he for sure better buy me a gift or all hell will break loose. I don't have any real reason for this particular stance, he just better, that's all I know....... But it is seriously hard trying decide what is proper when you've only known a person for a little over a month or two. Giving them nothing at all might come off as inconsiderate, giving something small might come off as cheap and going big like say those sought after tickets to Hammer's comeback tour might seem like you're saying "I love you". It's so hard.

WHAT TO DO??????? HELP!!!!!!!!