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Witches' Brew: My Brew Year Resolutions

Monday, December 28, 2009

My Brew Year Resolutions

Ahh, a New Decade is upon us.
Time when we generally reevaluate the past year, and look forward to a clean slate.

I thought I'd share some of my New Year's Resolutions with you guys.
If they don't spark up your own changes,
at least you can't say I didn't warn you people on where I stood in 2010!





#1. I will no longer try to help you solve any quandary that can be solved via your search engine of choice.
There is no reason that you should be holding a Blackberry or iPhone in your hands with a laptop in your back pocket asking me the weather, directions, or what time a gotdamn movie is. Google.com, Pendejo!




#2. I will delete my personal Twitter account. I'll admit it, I'm pretty boring. No need to broadcast that sh!t. I'm wasting my time trying to be pithy and witty when I could be doing something more productive: surfing porn, online shopping, and Hoegleing(C) . Totally still check out @LaWitchesBrew, though!




#3. I will no longer date funny looking men.

Inner beauty is overrated.



#4. I will no longer hold my tongue for fear of your feelings. Don't ask the question if you don't want the answer!

In fact, I think that I'll start now: *Your baby is VERY funny looking, PLEASE stop sending me pics of it (yes IT)! *No, this is NOT the best I'VE ever had, not even close! * I won't 'SAY YOUR NAME' because I'm imagining you are someone else, stop ruining that for me, sir! *Men should Not have hips: Mankira and Boyance! *Girl, I don't come around more because your husband keeps hitting on me. Handle that.

#5. I WILL BE HIDING A LOT OF YOUR FACEBOOK STATUS'...FEEL FREE TO RECIPROCATE.

TMI FACEBOOKER Today they lanced the boil, but thankfully Jimmy was there with cookies.... oh and I had sex last night.

Ick and yuck... you managed to ruin cookies for me. Thanks a lot.


Here's to a satisfying 2010!

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