We Can't Make This Stuff Up

All jokes aside, if I could kill someone with just my fat ass... I would be the baddest stealthiest ass-assin known to man! I wouldn't be able to run kick or fight or jump out of planes- or anything that's remotely 'spy sexy' , but after my partner took care of all of that... I could smother our targets with my deadly arse. Eh, now that I type that out...doesn't sound so much fun. I'm going to the gym.

"Authorities say a woman -- who was believed to weigh around 300 lbs. at the time -- sat on her boyfriend and killed him last summer. On Wednesday, Mia Landingham, pleaded guilty to involuntary manslaughter in the death of her 120 lb. boyfriend, Mikal Middleton-Bey.

It happened back in August during an altercation between the couple, who share * three children together. Landingham's public defender told the judge there was a**long history of domestic abuse between his client and her late boyfriend. He also pointed out she has no prior criminal record. Landingham, then told the judge she was sorry for squashing the father of her children. "I just want to say that I am sincerely sorry about this situation... I wish I could take it back." Judge Carolyn Friedland sentenced her to three years probation and 100 hours community service. Landingham was then immediately released from jail. "

*I'm assuming he was always the mounter, and she the mountee...and **I wish I would let a 120lb mofo beat me. THE HAYLE?!

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