Dates From Hell: Windows Over The Parking Lot With An UnHappy Ending

I'm at a local upscale sports bar, waiting for a date, when a tall tender morsel approaches me. There is no rule against making new friends, I rub my fingers together greedily. We're so engrossed in conversation, I don't realize that I've clearly been stood up. Oh well, one man's trash and all of that. New Cutie Pie, and I end up hanging out the rest of the night and making plans for the weekend. Gotta get under one to get over one, right?!

A week's worth of 'getting to know you' late night phone calls I find out he's funny and smart. Fast forward to Cutie Pie picking me up for our date and actually being cuter than I remember, too good to be true. Right?

So, he decides he wants to impress me and takes me to the restaurant with quote the "VIEW OF THE CENTURY" I cannot make this shyt up. Now, I as I'm sure have typed before, am from New York City- the home of Windows on the World and YES, I had been there before--well that's another blog. But, like a good woman- I said 'Oh that sounds great!' and shut the hell up on the rest.

The restaurant is one I've passed purposely many times before, at the top of a chain hotel, near the Pentagon. It rotates-whee! When I get inI discover that the summabitch rotates soooo fast that I start to feel a little queasy. The smell of fried bar food, stale ciggies and sound of tourist karaoke are not helping matters. I'm sure that place is fun for people who came to town with a convention and are looking to toss a few back, but personally, I'd rather a damn turkey burger from Ben's Chili bowl. A few turbo turntable like round views of: The Pentagon (good), I-95 (bad) and the Pentagon parking lot (tragic). I'm ret ta go.

Blah blah blah fast forward to making out in his car. Less than 10 minutes into your standard teen-throwback dry hump action, do you know this fool...um...COMPLETED his act?! IN HIS PANTS. FML.