Ask A Dude: When One Lighthearted Question Goes Terribly Wrong

Bianca: Hey There New Dude, thanks for trying your hand at fielding questions from our Brew Readers. I think I’m going to call you ‘Ask a Jamaican Dude’, so if you want to like buck shots or virtually bogle in your typing to me, feel free... okay? Let’s get straight to it, shall we?

Knocked up in Knoxville asks:

Do men still have the same level of attraction their spouse after seeing them give vaginal birth? I want my husband in the room with me, but quite frankly miracle of life aside even I don’t even wanna see that ish! Or should I just preserve the sexy in our relationship and have him wait outside, like they did in the olden days. Thoughts?

-KUIK

ASK A JAMAICAN DUDE: I don’t know, I don’t like this question. Never thought about it, who cares? (Bianca Note: Here would have been a great time for him to say ‘SHABBA!!” But no such luck)

BIANCA: Ohhkay.....lol the question is wack? Women are curious about this stuff. Aren’t you engaged? Don’t you think about these things? I mean personally I don’t give a crap why men cheat. So those questions will stay in the inbox forever.. (Bianca Note: I shouldn't speak so fast) Let me guess... Men cheat because broads are willing to let them cheat with them? Isn't that the answer? What do I win? I'd like to spin.. big money big money ..uh sorry where were we?

Fine, let me find another question for you (Digging in the Brew Crates)

Ask A Jamaican Dude: B/C broads let them cheat with them??? I’m lost, who’s at fault? the woman he's dating or the woman he's in a relationship with?

BIANCA: The side piece. Do I need to draw you a diagram? (Maybe Ask a Dim Dude?)

ASK A JAMAICAN DUDE: It all depends, did she know that he was initially in a relationship?or did she find out while she was seeing him? if a man puts it on the table that he's in a relationship... and the sidepiece is fine with it, how could she be @ fault? she went in on the deal knowing he's tied down.

BIANCA: You're making my head hurt. I am basically agreeing with what you just said! What I mean by being at 'fault' is we are all responsible for our situations. No one is 'forcing you' to be anywhere. And sometimes women, like to pretend that these things just 'happened' to them. And that's bullshit.But fine.. here's a question. Why would a man in a relationship even WANT a side piece? Why not just be a single man dating? Why lie to the person you are in a relationship with?

ASK A JAMAICAN DUDE: A side-piece can be exhilarating. The excitement. its in a man’s nature.every male species has more than one female. most of the times a side-pc is doing something your girl just doesn’t do. men don't want to be single for the most part. men in a relationship have status (Bianca Note: I don’t get that, someone feel like ‘splainin??- ), a foundation, a side-pc is just what it is.

Women don't understand its not that we don’t love you or don’t wanna be with you. its in a man’s nature to seek new punani. Clinton, Jesse Jackson, Eliot Spitzer, Gov. Paterson, Kobe, Shaq, A-Rod, the list goes on & on. (Bianca Note: If this is the picture of love.. take my name off the love list!) All these men love their wives but this is how the male species is built biologically.

BIANCA: Ironic that you bring all these men up. Think of all the stuff these men lost b/c of side ass. Endorsements, careers...respect. (And sadly recently, we’ve seen a life lost) So, you are saying men are too stupid to think before they Fvck? (Bianca Note: Now this New Dude has officially Disgusted and Depressed me, he will henceforth be known as... ASK A DISGUSTING & DEPRESSING DUDE)

AAD&DD: Its Not stupidity, it’s nature taking its course. A man getting some new ass is equivalent to a crack head's rush for drugs. U also have to realize u women are animals as well. There are tons of women that know I'm in a relationship and tell me things like:

• What she doesn’t know wont hurt her


• It doesn’t matter to me etc.


• I wont tell if u don’t

So it goes both ways

BIANCA: I believe you. Women with shaky self esteem aint shit. HOWEVA.... You don’t have to take the bait, did someone MAKE you buy your fiancé a ring? You talk about nature, like you are not a human being in control of your destiny. I call bullshit on that one.
Be honest for goodness sake. Just say you like lots of poussay...and you don’t care who you hurt to get it. I'd respect that more. Hell, have an open relationships- but God forbid your woman goes to get some on the side, right?
You’re not a jungle animal. You make the choice to get up and wash your ass every morning (I hope) and go to work, and make a nice life for yourself- within legal parameters, right? You know how to get what you want, within limits. That's alls I’m saying. Everyone has CHOICE. Choice to do the right thing, or choice to not give a a damn about repercussions of your actions.

AAD&DD: (Bianca Note: Clearly ignoring my impassioned speech on Choice) You name me two men that you know, that never cheated on any female? Any Two. Any Age, They Don't Even Have To Speak English, They Can Even Be Fictional Characters. Any Two Aliens. Any Two Cartoon Characters. From Any School Across The Country. Any Occupation. Help Me Here.

BIANCA: Sure, Jerome, Jared, Chris, Damien, Marc, Eric. And yes these are all real people. Men don’t HAVE to cheat. It's called DATING, casual dating is the time you get to know loooots of chicks all at the same time. Kind of like swinging, but less fun. ...er um or so I’m told (look I'm an open-minded kinda chick!)

AAD&DD: You’re telling me these men have never ever cheated on a girl in their lives?

BIANCA: I think you’re missing the point . It's not about ‘never in their lives’ it's about cheating when you make a conscious profound adult commitment to someone. You know, kind of like in an engagement? Or anything that involves renting a reception site, and people bringing you gift and shit. Let’s focus here, shall we?

Hell, my friend Gross Dude gets more butt than ashtrays...why? Because you can be a man hoe and still tell the truth. You are never going to convince me that lying is ok. Try again, son! (Bianca Note: Sorry, sometimes NY Tron, just pops out.)

AAD&DD: Jerome, Jared and the rest of your clan are all single. I’m not talking about single men. a single man can have as many women as they want. there's no one to answer to.

BIANCA: That's kind of my point. If you want to have all the women your penis desires... BE SINGLE. Let's just agree to disagree on this one, how's that.

So Brewsters, what have we learned, here?

1. AAD&DD is so obsessed with cheating that he is rendered bored by conversations that do not pertain to it.

2. Some men are like Kurrupt and really do not give a f....

3. I do this for fun, and don’t need my spirit kicked in the teeth--therefore I will not be asking AAD&DD back!

I BELIEVE IN LOVE AND HONESTY AND GOODNESS, DAMN THIS!!!

Bianca, Out!