Ask A Dude: Raheem's Choice

Brew Chick Asks:  If (Ask A Dude) had to choose between a very freaky girl who, outside of the bedroom, may not have every quality or a girl who is just okay in the bedroom but has every quality they are looking for in a wife. Which one would they choose and why?

Dudes?

GROSS DUDE:  Aaaahhhh.. every man's dilemma....THE FEEL GOOD vs. THE LOOK GOOD. Well,.. when u see that  good looking fella with the "questionable" looking woman.... you know which one he chose.  But my guess is the normal dude will marry the showpiece and condemn himself to a life of mediocre sex but occasionally dipout to a cathouse.  Do you remember that Billy Crystal/Rober Dinero movie "Analyze This".  Billy asked Dinero why he had an outside woman. Because she does things my wife doesn't do?  Billy asked why doesn't your wife do it? Dinero - "what are you, crazy? thats the mouth that kisses my kids goodnight".   Call me shallow.. give me the pretty wife if I had to choose just one.

BIANCA: I am more than a little concerned that your 'every quality' in a wife, has to do with looks.  We'll address that later time.

SUPREME:  I'd choose the one who had every quality I'm looking for in a wife. Reason being - I can TEACH her how to work it properly and how to make sure I'm satisfied...that's a small aspect when you're looking for a complete woman to be with. But the one who can just work it in the bed but has no other redeeming qualities? Man, I can't be teaching her how to have manners, be intelligent, have Knowledge of Self, cook, handle economics fiscally, etc. That would take YEARS...I can teach a woman how to make the typical man speak Mandarin Chinese in the course of a weekend.

Not that she'd be with a typical man after me - cuz there IS no "after me" if she's as complete as we're theorizing.

BIANCA: (IS THIS GUY EFFIN' KIDDIN' ME?)





ZOMBIE OF MR. CRAB: I could work with a woman who's goals aren't as prioritized as they need to be. If she has a decent level of self-esteem, she will always be a good earner. She would use her sensual swagaddocio to ensure she is well liked, but hopefully she can keep her legs closed (I'll just make sure she works with a bunch of Toothy Davenports...) long enough to bring in a second check. Her performance in the bedroom will balance her out to me. I can't do nothing with a prude. If  I came home and a woman wasn't coming out the shower demanding "get in here" from the bedroom, I'd be an unhappy camper. I don't care if she had Oprah money and had Halle's beauty. If she sucked in the bed, we have major problem....Code 30, pimp down, my broad is a prude I need a damn upgrade.

BIG IN EUROPE:  Well, besides the fact that I will never marry (I will live my life as I will undoubtedly die... alone (BIANCA- Someone get me a violin) -), a freaky girl that doesn't have wifey qualities is as useless as a dick in the middle of your forehead. What point does it make besides making you look like a dumb ass? There are plenty of undercover freaks to fulfill your wants and desires. Why pass up the librarian that will use the anal beads on  you, like you  like and be a good woman as well? If you can't tell the difference, then you need not be settling down. You f*ckin toy.

REV REAL:  It depends on your station in life. Young, single, no ties? Freak wins every time. Older, ready to settle down, give me the chick who won't forget to pick the kids up from soccer practice cause her Silver Bullet kept her busy.

THE CASHER!:  I would choose the "just okay in the bedroom" girl because that can be coached. You can show her new things and kinda coach her on how and what you like. The freak may be good for just sex, but it's not substantial enough to maintain a relationship unless someone found a way to have sex 24/7. And if they have, please send me the pamphlet.

 BIANCA: Gosh with all this teaching and training and coaching I wonder if there are treats for good behavior. Because I can get behind that (and by treats I'm eying one of those Protection bracelets!).

So, there you have it Brew Chick. Most of our dudes, except for one will NOT turn that hoe into a housewife. Which, really is just a wake up call for you hoes to be a little more undercover with it!