Celebrity Concern Letter: Dear Britney

My dearest Britney,

Like me, you are a woman of a certain age. Your body has pushed out two kids, rather back-to-back too, I might add. Now, don't get me wrong, you are in great shape and you're getting your life together post KFC 2-piece and a biscuit K-Fed. Kudos for that, fo' real, ya'll. But, boo, you need a bra. It's a must after about, saaayyyyyy, age 15. The world does not need to know your nips are headed south. Please, put an underwire on it!