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Witches' Brew: Things Negroes Like: Christmas Edition

Monday, December 21, 2009

Things Negroes Like: Christmas Edition

Christmastime is upon us and you know what that means: eating, smiling at unwelcomed visitors, eating, gift-giving to people you don't really like but you know they'd talk slick about you if you didn't, traveling and, yup, eating.

So, in the spirit of the season, here are a few things we Negroes like during these festive times.

Run it…

  • Watching the boss get drunk at the holiday party and capturing photographic evidence of it
  • Spandex pants: so you won't bust a zipper after eating all that pressha-increasing, not good for yo' suga food you know you shouldn't be having anyway
  • Pretending we know what those Kwanzaa names really mean
  • Re-gifting.  Oh, don't act like you don't do it.
  • Decking the halls. We love an off-kilter Christmas decoration, don't we? For White Jesus' sake, please make your Christmas lights match! Can we rock a theme please?
  • Watching Flick get his tongue stuck to that pole in A Christmas Story. Man, that never gets old (and it's totally not something we'd do either).

On the flip side, there are some things we don't get down with on Christmas…

  • Opening the door for random Christmas carolers: I don't know you, boo
  • The cold. We are a tropical people.
  • The "gift" of fruitcake. Just come empty-handed.
  • Mistletoe: haven't you heard about the swine flu?
  • New Year's Resolutions: we know we'll keep doing the same isht that got us by in 2009. C'mon son!
  • Pretending some chubby man named "Santa" gave the kids the new PlayStation when ya'll know it was single momma doing it for herself who made that happen! #justsayin
Irregardless of your likes, dislikes, preference or persuasion, you're probably marking some type of holiday as the year winds to a close. So, from the Brew Chicks to you… make it a good one.

I can't even fake… I crank this song in the dead of Summer.

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