Celebrity Letter: Kim Kardashian

Dear Fake Cakes, I'm going to write off these five minutes of my life that I'll never get back to ask you what it is that you really do? I don't get it. Your claim to fame is a sex tape with the corniest of cornballs, Ray-J. You know you were in on the scheme to leak it. Then you act shocked when it's released but profit from it. You don't stop there, you take your newly found freak fame and sprinkle some Becky Voodoo Dust all over Reggie Bush which made him revoke his brotherhood membership to become a deputy in the swirl mafia. So now I'm supposed to watch you and your family do whatever it is they do on television? That's a form of torture. Fuck waterboarding, turn that crap program on at Guantanamo Bay and all the terrorists will be singing like a bird by the first commercial! I have some suggestions: tell your mom to act like one, whisper in your step daddy's ear that he needs to lay off the plastic procedures, and then take your sister and her big ass chin and fade to black, stat!