Tour de WTF?

In other sports news...Tour de France winner Alberto Contador must have been drinking that Haterade. He dissed fellow teammate Lance Armstrong after snatching victory. Contador said his relationship with Armstrong is "non-existent" and went further to say they'll never be butt buddies or friends for that matter. Contador said the beef has been making it hard for everyone on the team and that he'll never respect Armstrong. So.....who peed on this dude's Wheaties? I mean it's not like they're solving world hunger. They hopping their little bootays on tiny bananas seats and getting paid! What's the problemo homes? Do I smell some eau de bitchassness?

Witches' Wisdom

We here at the brew like to ponder and pontificate about a lot of things, per se. Like why do the Negroes people think adding "per se" at the end of a sentence makes them sound intelligent? It doesn't boo boo, just sayin'...

Anybadblackgrammarhow, we figured a good way to welcome the weekend would be with a new feature dubbed: Witches' Wisdom. This week's questions are...*drum roll*

1) Is anyone other than me afraid because former President George Bush is being so quiet lately?


2) Is New Jersey the most corrupt state in history? Why do even the Rabbis roll like Tony Soprano?

3) It's been years since Dave Chappelle left the comedy game, so why is he still the funniest commedian ever?

4) If it were Donovan McNabb and not Ben Rothlisberger accused of sexual assault would ESPN and the other news station cover it the same way?

Kick Rocks!

"Why you treat me like animal?" Seems like Unfufu wasn't feeling Kim Kardashian either. The fame whore returned from her trip to the motherland with her little feelings hurt after several natives told her she didn't belong. Fake cakes made the charity trip to Africa to tour diamond mines with Russell Simmon’s Global Grind organization. She said between sniffles and dabbing her fake tears, “All the comments were, ‘How dare she go to Africa,’ and it’s just like, you know what, I can’t believe that charity work is being judged, and I can’t believe people would even comment on that and I think it’s really disgusting.” I'm confused. How is it charity work when you making a big deal about going then tweet your every move? I thought real charity is done behind the scenes. Kim also said, “At the end of the day, you just have to brush them off, you have no choice, I hope by the time Reggie and I have kids, things will be different.” Slow your roll brewchie, let's hope Reggie recovers from his bad case of swirlnesstitis before then. "Sandman, paging Sandman" come get this chick off the world's stage, stat!

Celebrity Letter: Ciarihanna

Dear Cici,

My Granny always said, "Pick your friends like you pick your fruit", then she'd blow her nose and stick the snotty tissue back in her bra. Okay, so my family's not the Huxtables, but she was the smartest robe rockin' old person I knew, bless her heart. Okay, I digress. Real talk. I'm starting to not like you...a lot. You're swagger-jackin' Rihanna (please don't deny it) and then you're hanging with Mrs. Ho-oper (what exactly is her occupation again?). Please stop this insanity, stat! Unless you're using this fame whooty to get closer to her chocolate bar. Then I'll understand this odd couple paring thingy mo' better. Watch yourself in Hollyweird. The A will always welcome you back with open tatted arms. Toodles!

Celebrity Letter: Sanaa Lathan

Dear Sanaa, you are my "girl crush" for so many reasons. You're classy, not trashy and the cameras never catch you out doing "hood rat stuff". You're the anti-Gabrielle Union. You're in two of my favorite movies and for that, hats off. Plus, you're an Ivy League girl, which means you've got smart real good. So why are you suddenly hanging with Kim Kard-ass-ian? I'm not understanding the flow here. You're both hot, but with her it's a different kind. I mean didn't she make a sex tape with Ray-J? Girl my granny always said pick your friends like you pick your fruit! This reality-show whore will suck the swagga from you with the quickness. Plus, she "smashed the homie"!

Blonde Ambition?

Reggie Bush's ball carrier (ok, that was harsh), Kim Kardashian has gone...wait for it...BLONDE!

The former stylist, boutique owner, "model", reality TV star (uh, what does she do again?) revealed the new look on her Twitter page today.

So, you likey? Do you care? What's your call?

UPDATE: It's a wig. It must be one of Beyonce's leftovers from the wig crypt cuz you sure coulda fooled me with this one.

This Heffa right here!

I was watching "Make Me A Super Model", last night when Tyson Tight Eyes kicked off the sole black chick with the jacked up teefeses. Instead of giving everyone dap and just rolling out, she had to tell off some other random model chick. Why are black women always being made to look unstable and angry on reality TV? Seriously, if I see one more screaming, angry, necksnappin', heffa go off for the cameras, I'm going to revoke my Negro card. I can't blame the media, because if these chicks who are looking for fame are allowing themselves to be exploited that's on them. I'm just sayin'... If you want to peep this Bootleg Omarosa, click away.

Celebrity Letter: J-No

Dear Jenny,
What happened to the block? All you seem to do lately is show up at events and pose for pictures with that fugazee mouth pout thing you do. It's really sad to see you struggling to remain relevant. I have heard that sometimes marriage sucks the life out of the sexy. Maybe that's the case here. I mean your husband does kinda look like an insect and insects do spend most of their days sucking blood and other fluids out of stuff. Maybe Marc got hongray? I have followed your career from the beginning when you were bragging about riding the "No. 6" and riding hard for Diddy. Man, you could dance your ass off! I excused all the marriages because that's life and sometimes you have to do hood rat stuff. Now I'm really afraid that your career is in the shitter with the kids that I just dropped off at the pool. Maybe it was the terrible movie scripts. Do you wake up in a sweat whenever you think of "Gigli"? Maybe it was the rumors about your ties to Scientology? Cults are never a good look. Methinks it's time for a little reflection period, stat. Max and Emme, come get yo momma!

WB's Cornball Corner: The Duggars

It's Monday mere mortals..which means it's time for the WB's "Cornball Corner". Today's cornball(s) are the Duggars. Look at this Lil' House on the Prarie lookin' mess. They can all barely fit in the frame of the camera. Why am I picking on this fertile ass fam? Because they are making a business out of having babies. Joshua Duggar, the oldest child of Jim Bob (WTF?) and Michelle Duggar's 18 offspring, just announced on the Today show that his wife Anna is expecting their first child in October. Holy uterus Batman! I'm doing kelgel exercises as we speak because this news made me feel like my lady parts will fall out when I get up from my desk. Being the media whores that they are, the couple will feature the pregnancy on the Duggar's reality show, “18 Kids and Counting.” This family is freaky, fo real!

Celebrity Letter: Kim Kardashian

Dear Fake Cakes, I'm going to write off these five minutes of my life that I'll never get back to ask you what it is that you really do? I don't get it. Your claim to fame is a sex tape with the corniest of cornballs, Ray-J. You know you were in on the scheme to leak it. Then you act shocked when it's released but profit from it. You don't stop there, you take your newly found freak fame and sprinkle some Becky Voodoo Dust all over Reggie Bush which made him revoke his brotherhood membership to become a deputy in the swirl mafia. So now I'm supposed to watch you and your family do whatever it is they do on television? That's a form of torture. Fuck waterboarding, turn that crap program on at Guantanamo Bay and all the terrorists will be singing like a bird by the first commercial! I have some suggestions: tell your mom to act like one, whisper in your step daddy's ear that he needs to lay off the plastic procedures, and then take your sister and her big ass chin and fade to black, stat!