Things Negroes Like: Scorcher Edition

You’d have to be living under a rock (or in a freezer) not to know it’s been hot in the Northeast for the last couple of days. I think I saw Lucifer himself sipping on an Arizona yesterday. So, in honor of the hotness, it’s time for a roundup of the things you Negroes like to do in hot weather.

Run it…

Cookouts

The Negroes love to grill. Whether you have a backyard, live in an apartment or tote your ribs to the local park, if the Negro has charcoal, then it’s on and poppin’. The first warm day of the year really should not be an excuse to fire it up though. At least wait for a string of hot days before you start cranking out potato salad and marinating your chickens.

Coronas (With Lime, Of Course)

This is the closest the African Americans get to going “international” with their drinking habit. When the Heineken becomes passé, break out the cooler, head to the “cookout”, drop a lime in your Corona, put your pinky out and enjoy.

Fire Hydrants

You know the Negroes can’t swim but we will douse ourselves in some good ole taxpayer hydrant water. Yum!

Pedicures With Acrylic Tips

I don’t get the fascination with a long nail on your big toe. People are actually PAYING folks to do this to their toes. What’s the point? Is it multifunctional? Are you using it to chop down trees? Scratch backs? Dig up the garden? I mean really, what does it do (other than make you look a little monkey-like)? Don’t get mad at me, I’m just observing.

Wife Beaters
No, not this kinda wife beater.

This one.

Now, I’m a fan of a good beater (the shirt, not Chris Brown). A big fan. But only when you’ve got something to show me. Ya know, some pecs and some guns to flex. Otherwise, put your bird back in the cage and girdle that gut.

Well, I’m off to put on my sundress, polish my acrylic toe and look for a beer gut in a wife beater.

Enjoy the heat kiddies…til next time!