Wedding Woes: The Seating Chart

Spring has sprung which means it's wedding season, a dreaded time for a lot of my single sistahs. Don't get me wrong, I'm not hating on the newly affianced, but I need you giddy mofos to be a little more considerate when choreographing your seating chart. I guess I'm trying to say, DON'T SEAT ME NOWHERE NEARS YOUR MARRIED FRIENDS AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS! It's awkward to say the least. The brothas have to act like they're not staring at your breastesses, imagining how a good Motorboat would feel. The women (who probably all went to some HBCU together or are sorority sisters) all stare at you like your going to hop on their man's woody and ride the horsey until dessert cums (pun intended)! I can't tell you how many weddings I've attended solo and have had this happened to me. I understand that unless I'm married, my boo of the moment is not that important enough to fill the $35.00 seat, but next time Imma need you to seat me next to Granny and the wrinkly crew. At least I can enjoy myself and we can talk shish about you and your cock-eyed bride.