Cornball Corner: Airport Edition

The Memorial Day holiday is wrapping up and ya girl just got back from a fun filled trip out West. My travel bliss was cut short at the airport because I HATE PEOPLE! So here are a few travel ticks that irk the s%$t out of me:

Slow Rollers

Why must I make this post cry? I hate, hate, hate you cheap ass bitches who get those little rolling' shits because you want to save money and not check your bags. So you drag these little guys around sssslllloowwwwwly so people like me get caught up and twisted around your stinky rolling hamper!

Asses in the aisle

Dude, you can't get off the plane yet, so why are you putting your fanny pack and mom jeans in my face while you're trying to fiddle wit yo s%$t? Sit down, eat your Rice Krispie treat and contemplate the return to your shitty ass existence. When you see people getting off, get up and walk your size 11 corny white tennies off the plane!

Cabin Coughing

Please for the love of White Jesus eat something before your morning flight. How about some fruit with your backed up asses? It clears your palate so you won't have that empty stomach breath when you cough all over the cabin into the recycled air that I'm breathing. Hello, I'll take an order of Swine Flu with a side of Avian, stat!

Late picker uppers

This especially applies to my people with collard green in their DNA. When I say my flight lands at 3:15pm that doesn't mean leave the house at 3:15pm! And please don't try to text me talkin' bout, "girl this traffic is a beast!" No, your man was a beast last night so that's why your ghetto and late. Be truthful and hurry the f$#k up!

Bratty Babies
I don't give a rat's ass that little Tommy is crying because it's his first flight and his ears are locked and loaded. Please keep him seated because if he looks back here one more gin' I'm going flick him on his fivehead. Get some tussin from Cabin Cougher and sedate his little ass before I do! And stop asking the flight attendant for extra unnecessary shit that they don't have. Like extra pacifiers and ointment. This isn't CVS.
Happy Travels Bitches!