Things Negroes Like: Employment Edition

Let’s just say that today’s TNL comes from a broken and bruised employee (ok, that’s kinda drastic, but a sista is tiyud!). I was sitting on the train last night (at 9 pm, *eyeroll*), lamenting my lack of life these days, when it hit me, what do we like about work? Is there anything good about work, aside from direct deposit? So that started this mental list… run it:

Lunch Breaks

Negroes come to work (late, I might add), thinking about what’s for lunch. You know you do it. And if you don’t, your cubicle mate sure does. We start talking about lunch options at 10 am like clockwork. A handful of us use these breaks not for lunch, but for shopping, manicures and anything else you should have accomplished on the weekends or after work. Then you get mad when someone calls you out on that 2 hour mani/pedi/facial/stop at Filene’s Basement. The nerve of them!

Workin’ 9-5 (Clean Cut Hours)

The Negroes don’t like punching the clock one minute past 5 pm. And if we do, oh best believe there will be some real overtime pay involved. Otherwise, our eyes are affixed to that second hand, waiting for the clock to strike 5 pm. We’ve got our “sensible” shoes on, our bag packed, our jacket on, our subway token in hand and, poof, we’re out the door on time. Don’t be asking us to work no 9-6 or 11-7. We come in at 9-ish and we leave at 5. Period.

Desk-accessible TVs
We must know what’s going on with The Young & The Restless...and if we can make our 'stories' coincide with our numerous breaks, even better. Toss a TV in the lunch break room and Negroes will never leave.

Smoke Breaks

Cue up the Newports! We must carve out several 15 minute breaks to go outside in the freezing cold (without coats, I might add) to take our puffs. And don’t be the one to complain that the smokers are getting more breaks than everyone else or you’ll incur the wrath.

Casual Fridays

An excuse to slather on anything in your closet that tips the fine line of classy to assy!

Office Catering

The Negroes line up for daily bagels and lunchtime sandwiches if they’re on the bosses dime. But don’t try to con us into a pot luck. We don’t know if you washed your hands before you made those deviled eggs. And ya’ll know we don’t trust everyone's potato salad-making skills.

Oh, excuse me, I'm late for my manicure!