Bad Sex Chronicles: Installment #2 (Ignorant Sized Peen)

Ok,let's set the scene, he was FIONE!!! I mean fine like you never seent fine befo! Seems like once we met, we were inseparable. I wanted to be under him all the time and he wanted to be up under me. We refrained from becoming intimate right away because we were committed to getting to know one another better and building a good friendship. How could this go left I'm sure you're wondering.... well let me tell ya....

His ding dong was BIG! now again I'm sure you're thinking "and what's the problem?" There are lots wrong with a flinestone size peen. Just like with a vienna sausage sized peen, you can't do anything with a monster peen besides look at it, take pics of it for facebook and for proof cause you know when you tell your girls that the ninja was packin 13-14 inches they gon be like "this trick stay lying". There are so many problems with a peen of this magnitude, if you are like some ladies *cough* not me, but some ladies that enjoy things that are oral in nature you can't even do that without permanent jaw damage.



So needless to say we simply cuddled, and kissed and talked and I stared. I don't have babies yet and if I woulda allowed that thing to go poking around in me he woulda had my fallopian tubes wrapped around my neck like pearls, so I had to respectfully decline. His ego was through the roof that his ginormous peen sobered me up and if it was any consolation for me, he could NOT kiss worth a damn! Just an awkward transference of loads of saliva and very little tongue. He probably never bothers to perfect his kissing game cause he figures he has that big, ignornat, giant peen and that will make up for any foreplay shortcomings. This is the problem with most men with ample peen, they think big giant peen is all they need to bring to the table (or back alley, or car, or kitchen counter, or parking lot) and that is simply not the case!

I hear he's married these days, wonder how the wife is handling that 'situation', she's certainly a better woman than me or perhaps a 'wider' woman than me........