Things Negroes Like (in our cups)

It's summertime and there's nothing the Negroes like more than to party & bullsh!t. And the key ingredient of any good party: al-al-al-alcohol. But the Negroes don’t just drink any ole kind of liquor. No suh, we have a short list of libations that are must haves to get us bent.

Run it...

Hennessy

Seriously, all Black people drink this. It’s like water. If you find a Negro who has an aversion to the Henny, demand to see their Black card. They may be octoroon. This cognac (read: yac) is the sweet nectar of the gods for the Negroes. We drink it at parties and when we need to “clear” our minds and think. We even pour it out when our homies have gone home to White Jesus. The Negro’s love for the Henny is only surpassed by that little North Korean dude, Kim Jong Il. Word is, he loves the stuff.


The Hennessy people know the Negroes love the drink so much, they even made a bottle in honor of Barack. Now that's gangsta!

Courvoisier

Now, if there is no Henny readily available, then there had better be a bottle of this stuff lying around. Courvoisier is another form of the yac that’s popular at all hood cookouts. Courvoisier is so classy that it’s the beverage of choice for both The Ladies’ Man and Busta Rhymes. Now that’s what I call a broad spectrum.



Asti Spumante

Asti is the preferred drink for the pinkies up, fancy glass crew. It’s fruity and doesn’t have too much alcohol, so you’ll look like you’re down with the drinkers, but you’re really just drinking old grape juice.

White Zinfandel

Another beverage for the lightweights, or the fakers who think they know wine. This is the old standby for women who don’t really know what else to order when they get to the bar, or maybe they don’t want to get too drunk at a classy event. Now, for men, if you stroll to the bar and ask for a glass of white zinfandel, I’ma need to see your hetero card. I may have questions.

Chardonnay

Another classic that requires the pinky out when you drink it. Chardonnay goes down smooth and, if you’re cheap, you can walk around the club and fake like it’s some good champagne. It’s an essential for the woman who doesn’t want to look like too much of a lush (when we really know you get down on some chardonnay like that Ray J chick).

Don't try to serve no Molson Ice to us Negroes. Denied! If you don't have any of these at your party, chances are we’ll pack up and take the party elsewhere. Unless, of course, you've got some bangin' ribs on the grill. Then, we make exceptions.

Until next time, drink up!