A Letter To Wifey from her Single Friend

Dear Wifey,

We’ve been friends for a while and I’ve noticed some changes in your behavior that need to stop, stat! First and foremost; despite what you may think just because I’m single that doesn’t mean that I’m desperate or I want YOUR man and his big ass Rick Ross belly.

In fact, no one wants his boring ass but you, got it? While we’re on topic, I’m really glad you found love or whatever it is you found nestled up under your BF’s sweaty moobs, but that doesn’t mean you have to quit helping me do Hood Rat Stuff. Before your bundom, you didn’t mind helping me gather a little intell on my current dude’s other chicks because you were doing it too. You’d be down for some Facebook snooping or a little interrogation.

Oh, and sitting outside a dude’s house at 4am talking shit and mean mugging his neighbors was all good too. You were down for the cause. Now, it’s like you’ve gotten amnesia about the single life. Some of us are still fighting the good fight, so a little uplifting now and then would be appreciated. If I can sit on the phone and listen to your boring ass couple problems and playdate issues for hours it’s only right that you return the favor.

Can you also please try to be more considerate when you have your little functions? Now that we need to forward calls up your man’s arse to reach you, I’ve noticed you tend to only hang with other couples. That’s all gravy but your married frumpy friends are not that friendly to me, especially when I arrive late, rockin’ a freak ‘em dress. Hey, I’m hitting the club after all ya’ll boring mofos eat, play Taboo then fall asleep so don’t judge. I don’t need all the hairy eyeballing from those little Jack & Jill and Mocha Mommies. Is it my fault their men are standing around the basement bar trying not to look while talkin’ about old as frat business or their new snow blowers?

I hope you realize that being single for many of us is a preference which means we PREFER it. I still have love for you Wifey. Every life choice has positives and negatives but can you cut the singles some slack?

Love,

Your Single Friend