Bad Sex Chronicles: Installment #1

Always stop at a wretched kiss, it is my long-standing belief that a bad kisser will most definitely be a BAD lay. To date I have never been wrong. Single girls go through phases, sometimes we wanna get it on with anything not nailed down including but not limited to trees, bus shelters, fruit stands… if it’s humpable, we are on it! Then there are the times when we could care less about coitus or the troublesome penis its comes with, we simply don’t wanna be bothered. But man let me tell you, even with the ups and downs that come with the desire to boink, I think it’s safe to say that when we do decide it’s on and poppin we want that shit to be the ish! Sex that’ll have us making steak and eggs at 3:00 am in the forkin morning as we whisper on the phone to our BFF about how we just got done like a hoebag. It’s what we want. I tell ya what we don’t want though, we don’t want some bama with the tongue of a lizard kissing us with his semi hot breath, we don’t want a regular sized condom (not even talking a magnum, which is what most brohams use, unnecessarily I might add) to fit baggy, most condoms don’t come with suspenders homey, go for a condom fitting next time! We don’t want you caressing us with your little ladylike hands, scrap them badboys up on some concrete or sumfin before you come over. We don’t want you pumpin your lil guy in the fat fold of our thigh cause either you were too little or we were too *cough* experienced and you slipped out. And mostly we don’t want you calling us, like EVER!!!! Put your clothes on and bounce! And don’t even think about reaching for our remote, that will get you cut!

We are all ultimately like Halle in Monster’s Ball, go hard or go home (literally) and “make me feel good!”


Halle Berry - Monster Ball - The funniest videos are a click away