Tall Tales And The Men Who Tell Them......

We constantly hear about how trife, despicable and skankalicious women can be but let us not forget that the men folk come with a lot of bullshit as well. These observations are mine and mine alone and are derived from personal experience but please, I want to hear from more women who have been told intersting tales. So, let's begin!

They tell tales about their stuff (possessions)

*dude I just met and on our first phone conversation * “well let me go, I have to run to the Mercedes dealership, I gots to have the new SL” *sigh* – Now let me say this, I am NOT a car hoe, don’t care what kinda car you drive or if you drive at all (just understand that I will not be driving your ass around). Of course it would play out that they wanted too much for the payments, blah blah blah…. So to remedy the whole thing he decided he’d just stick with the hoopty he already owned. Riiiiiiggghhhhtttt, suuuuurrreeeee. I mean hunh? Sir are you kidding me?

They tell tales about their home

“I love when my grandmother comes over but damn she take stuff too far….. she don’t know how to leave” *deep sigh* – excuse me sir? Grandma don’t know how to leave? Probably because THIS IS HER HOUSE SIR!!!! Why would the lady leave her own house???

They tell tales about what they did for prior girlfriends

“Yeah she gave me head so good I went on ahead and bought her that tennis bracelet she was harassing me about” ok now first off why are you telling me about the lip service your ex gave you? 2nd, HUNH SIR???? The payments on a benz are too hefty for you but you expect me to believe that you just on a whim, ran out and bought diamonds cause you got fiyah head?? Really sir? Hmmm ok….. And let me just add, if it worked liked that I would be iced the eff out, I got skills! ya heard!

They tell tales about about their penis…

“All I rock with is magnums!” really sir??? Cause it looks to me like your shit needs suspenders…… the end!

They tell tales about telecommunication devices

“Nah I’m real popular and shit and all a cell phone gonna do is get on my nerves with all that ringing n shit” Again, really sir??? Cause my friend’s newborn has a cell phone so he can reach his peeps in case he takes an impromptu shit, so really sir??? I bet I can find a monkey with a cell phone. Who can function in the real world without a cell? Even if your joint can only accept incoming calls you need something! WHO IS YOU KIDDING SIR????!!!

They tell tales about music careers

“Aight nah check it ,call me late cause I be in the studio” Oh dear dear dear sir….. you are 58 years old, the studio sir?? A music career sir? Really? Your pubes are probably silver like a mug and you’re still trying to book poon with the “I be in the studio” line? Oh my head…….

They tell tales about paternity

“Nah I do have one shorty that I claim but that ovfa one, I don’t think that shit mine” Now come on sir, Don’t let me do the “look at my baby nose Maury! Look at my baby nose! My baby got his exact same nose!” I will get ‘Maury’ on you lightening fast! I am not the one. Major turn off to tell a woman “nah I only claim one kid” we don’t find that shit admirable son, really we don’t!

They tell tales about fashion

“Sheeiittt, girl you must not know bout me, you must not know bout me….. (Beyonce gets stuck in their head) I only fux with Rocawear (or whoever the ghetto fashion label is of the moment”. Funny cause every time I’ve seen you since we met you been rockin Jordache and those $15 Stephon Marbury joints. Hmmmmm, try agin sir!

So you see, as much as men gripe about women and our sometimes trifling ways, trust and believe that we in turn have much to gripe about in return.