Driving While Greedy.......

This should be a new category of driving violations. It wasn't until yesterday as I was driving with a complete "big momma" meal on my lap that it became apparent just how greedy I am. I mean I was eating a full on, sit down meal, IN MY CAR!!!!! on my freakin lap! Swirvin and shit, almost scraping the shoulder, I mean I was straight buggin but I refused to stop eating my meal. For a minute I was ashamed of myself but I got over it real quick......

They're so worried about drunk drivers and cell phones but they don't consider chunky but funky mofos like me who are willing to maim themselves while driving, all because I don't wanna wait til I get to my destination to eat That is a damn shame. Thinking about it, I do lots of bullshit while driving, change outfits, take my bra off, paint my lips, do my kegels (gotta keep that vagi-cat tight!)

How fucked up and embarassing would my funeral be? Taken out by bbq chicken and some collards????? People would be whispering "that greedy muthafucka died eating some bbq chicken on her lap, chubby bitch....." then shaking their head in disgust. Hey we all gotta die right

Soooooo, with all that being said, I'm gonna keep doing it but from now on I'll drive in the slow lane and try to use some of my extra thigh meat to help steer the vehicle. The moral of this story you ask? Where there's a will, my greed will find the way!

Toodles Muthafuckas!