Why Are You Single?

Being asked probably 5-6 times a day "Why are you single?" prompted me to wanna set the record straight as I am at my wits end with that asinine question. It's kinda like asking someone why they urinate.... I mean give me a break! I have no scientific reasons why but here's a few reasons why I might be.....

1. cause mofos be lying,

2. cause a lot of kneegrows are ugly,

3. cause the last guy I wanted to be with made the gut wrenching decision to go back to his ex,

4. cause the guy before him made the gut wrenching decision to move to another city to be closer to his children whom he couldn't bare to be away from for one more day,

5. cause the economy sucks ( and mama does NOT do dutch)

6. cause in the town where I live most successful black men want you to almost cream your shorts cause they have a lil sumthin sumthin goin on (nice home, nice car, nice teeth..... you get the idea) You're supposed to!

7. cause I can't wrap my mind around anyone but me farting in my bed ( I paid good money for that joint! I don't want foreign fart residue all embedded in my ish)

8. cause I'm particular (not picky),

9. cause I'm so used to being single that I'm afraid I'd flick off on a ninja for gettin base in his voice about my whereabouts,

10. cause dating can sometimes be fun (though I dread retelling my 'story' over and over again, sometimes I wanna bring pamphlets with it all already in print)

11. cause I kinda enjoy the 'get up and go' afforded to the single population,

12. cause I want PHENOMENAL sex, not this pansy ansy ish these ninjas are doling out,

13. cause everyone has kids which is to be expected at my age but I'll punch your child skrait in the jugular for jumping bad with me taumbout "you ain't my mama anyway"...... and I don't wanna be you lil ugly ass fugtard!

14. cause men don't know how to fix ish no more, I am currently in need of a plumber, a painter and someone who knows how to install blinds, these educated bougie cats clutch their pearls at the suggestion that they help with such laborious tasks, I needs me a man that knows his way around a utility belt,

15. cause I'm seeing a lot of men who own teacup yorkies (HUNH???) I'm sorry sir but Imma need you to 'man up' on the dog tip, what ever happened to men with Great Danes???

16. cause while I love to cook, I'm not finna be racing home everyday like some lunatic June Cleaver bustin off brand spankin new meals everyday.....

But seriously, FOR THE LAST EFFIN TIME!!!! I am not single because:

1. I am crazy..... (at least not crazy in the traditional sense) "guhl you fine, you must be crazy" go somewhere and die, please and thank you sir!

2. I am militant and a man hater..... So when all else fails label a single colored woman angry???? Try again, I'm a happy go lucky goofball who is simply unattached at the moment, ahole!

3. I'm a hoe...... I am not single because I enjoy a smorgasbord of peen in me everyday.... most days, but not everyday....

I feel so much better now that I got all that outta my system..... whew! So..... why are you single?