Brew Health: The Chubbing of America

No wonder many Americans got rolls for days. Check out the map above!

Stephen von Worley at Weather Sealed mapped the 13,000+ locations of McDonald’s across the country. This thing is lit up like my old school Lite Brite.

Notice where most of the fast food chain is located. East Coast stand up!

Whew! Back to my crunches!

WTF Files: Cry me a river!

What in the Dawnofthedeadhell is going on here? A 15-year-old Tennessee teen doesn't shed crocodile tears he cries blood! His mother has taken him to several specialists and there has been no diagnosis. You know you're up shit creek when doctors have to check on answers.com to see what the fock is causing you to cry AB negative! I hate to see what happens when he sneezes, bless his heart!
Source

Brew Health Alert: PLEASE BE ADVISED

Symptoms: You find yourself waking up at 2 am craving crawfish heads...

Your starting to think it's time to make an appointment for a facial tattoo...

You reallllly want to kiss THIS MAN...

Diagnosis: You too are probably pregnant by Lil' Wayne. The "Good" news, hey who's not?

Ass "Whole"

The CEO of Whole Paycheck Foods says fug Obama's healthcare plan, people should just eat food from his store. In Tuesday Wall Street Journal, John Mackey wrote, "Recent scientific and medical evidence shows that a diet consisting of foods that are plant-based, nutrient dense and low-fat will help prevent and often reverse most degenerative diseases that kill us and are expensive to treat." So I guess for the people who fell on the wrong side of the zip code should hop on a subway, bus, bike, magic carpet, or catch one of dem urban cabs to the "closest" Whole Foods only to spend $10.00 on a bag of organic grapes? I'm all for healthy eating but until you come down off some of your prices, I heart Trader Joe's.

Cankles Reach Crisis Level

Are we really to the point where we have to proclaim a whole month to battle cankles? Well, Gold's Gym seems to think so. They've declared July "Cankle Awareness Month."

And here I thought my fupa was the worst of my worries. Now, I've gotta be concerned if it looks like there's bread baking in my shoes?

It's always something, right ladies? If your cankles keep you up at night, check the video here for ways to rid yourselves of the unsightly ankle meat.

If you could care less about your ample ankles, then strap on your gladiators and keep it movin' honey!

Health & Beauty: Microdermabrasion

In my 20s, I used to wake up fresh faced and fancy free. Lately, not so much. My cheeks have lost that rosy glow and for some reason I look like I have a hangover around the eye parts that I can't blame on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol!

Now, I always hear that whole "black don't crack" saying, but that doesn't mean I should become a bystander when it comes to my health and appearance. I vowed this year to "do me" and try some "out of the box" concepts to feel better -- inside and out. So stay tuned for these notes on a scandal, er, I mean my journey to test and try new routines, procedures, and products. Gotta maintain my MILF steeze! I decided to start with my skin since it's the body's biggest organ. I have been reading about Microdermabrasions and wanted to share my experience with my "cousins" who see to always have issues with the "new-new".

Dermabrasion can be done at spas, doctors' offices and medical spas and the side effects are normally minimal unless you have problem skin. There are several levels of the procedure. From light abrasion to Defcon mode where you have to receive anesthesia and are down for days! I chose the light routine and picked a medical spa since it felt a little more professional than a regular spa.

The procedure partially or completely removes the outermost surface of the skin by light abrasion using a crystal or diamond tip wand. Microdermabrasion can remove some acne scarring, smooth light raised scars and it supposed to improve your skin's overall appearance. The esthetician said it would feel like a cat's tongue. Weird comparision on her part, but people are freaky, so I braced for the worst. Actually, the procedure was not painful, but it wasn't enjoyable either.

She went over each area of my face three times in different directions. I could feel a light sanding sensation and some tugging. It took about 20 minutes. After she sprayed rose water on my face, gave me a slight facial massage and I was on my way. I did not see any difference in my skin. From what I read, it takes a few treatments to really see the a change. I do plan to go back and give it another try! The cost can range from $90.00 to $150 per session. Most spas offer a discount if you purchase a few appointments up front. I should mention that there are home microdermabrasion kits that are cheaper, but not as effective. So happy sanding and stay tuned for my next big health adventure, toodles, Fawnda!

Health: This jugs for you!

This is not a health story, per se (don't you love it when people say, "per se"?) but when Fawnda stumbled across this little tidbit after a night of juicing and weights with her new boo boo, it made her laugh and everyone knows laughing makes you happy and healthier!
A new coffee shop in Vassalboro, Maine is serving up a nice helping of jugs with that daily cup of joe! The waiters and waitresses at Grandview Topless Coffee Shop are, you guessed it, topless.
The tiny town has about 4,500 residents and so far the shop is "busting" at the seams with business.
The owner didn't just focus on the 10's in town. He's hired everyone from skinny to large and in charge! Not only that, there have a waiting list for applicants that's as long as Auntie Rethie's tig-oles!
All of the wait staff has been recently laid off from other jobs due to the rough economy and it's paying off. One waitress received a $100 tip for a cup of coffee, and most of the wait staff make about $30 a table.
The owner says he see his new venture as a temporary fix for his staff and customers trying to make sense of these tough economic times and Fawnda says "cheers" to him for trying it out. I'm would just be hesitant to ask for cream in my coffee.