Will You Watch?: One Big Happy Family

TLC debuts its latest reality show tonight. This one follows the Coles…a morbidly obese family from North Carolina. The mother weighs in at 380 lbs. The dad is 340. The 16 year old daughter is 348 and the 14 year old son is 308 lbs. One Big Happy Family details the family's struggle to drop weight, sans nutritionist and trainer. There's no screaming Jillian and Bob in this one. Instead, the Coles say they did their own research and used the innawebs to learn about getting healthy.  Some critics are already calling it The Klumps meet Tyler Perry.  You be the judge...

The show airs tonight at 9 pm (ET) on TLC.  So, will you watch?

Brew Health: Get Skinny with Your Cell

We’re all trying to take better care of our health these days. Well, we should be. Turns out, your cell phone could be the key to losing weight.

A customized weight loss application from Sensei Inc. gives information on proper dieting and exercise in real time. The tool helped one man drop from 205 lbs. to 155 lbs. in six months. That’s about 25% of the 5’9” man’s body mass!

The Sensei program recommends food to purchase for meals at home. But, as with most of us with busy schedules these days, the application can be altered on the fly if you find yourself in a situation where you must pick up food on the go. The application searches a database and tells you what’s good for your diet at that restaurant.

Sensei is available for Blackberries for $9.99 in the BlackBerry App World online store. Other mobile users will have to pay $15 a month for it.

For The Gents: Bria Myles Workout

This one's for the Brew Gents... and the ladies who want to keep that donk from heading south.

Video vixen Bria Myles has a series of web workouts that show how she keeps her curvy figure in shape...and she does it all while wearing a lace front wig. Wonders never cease.

Click Taste The Brew for 2 more workouts and some slightly NSFW pics (for you dudes...and some of you ladies. Hey, we don't judge here).

BET Tackles Anorexia

BET’s “106 and Park” co-host Rocsi is coming clean on her history with body image issues. Rocsi says she wanted to be skinny in high school to move up on the cheerleading squad, so she starved herself.

While obesity is a huge problem for African Americans and many of us couldn’t fathom starving ourselves… overweight or thin, these struggles can all be filed under body image issues in some way.

So, hats off to BET for tackling such a critical issue in our community. As much as we talk smack about BET around these parts, good for them for turning off the music and having a real conversation.

Health Warning: Sittin' on Swole!

This is just why I don't mess wit those FDA ganstas! The Food & Drug Administration issued a warning Tuesday again using body-building products marketing as containing roids or roid-like substances. The agency said many of these products are unapproved and misbranded drugs! The agency's top Brewchie-in-charge, Dr. Margaret Hamburg said, "products marketed for body building and claiming to contain steroids or steroid-like substances are illegal and potentially quite dangerous....the FDA is taking enforcement action today to protect the public." See, that's what I mean. Why is the FDA always finding stuff out after the fact, after it's been on the market for a minute and you've grown an extra toe, or developed a permanent rash on your low-riders from Aspray? Hard work is the only thing that's going to work in the gym. The swole prison look is not the ish!
Here are the products for you Debos who just "happen" to have them in your medicine cabinets:
TREN-Xtreme, MASS Xtreme, ESTRO Xtreme, AH-89-Xtreme, HMG Xtreme, MMA-3 Xtreme, VNS-9 Xtreme, and TT-40-Xtreme.

Cankles Reach Crisis Level

Are we really to the point where we have to proclaim a whole month to battle cankles? Well, Gold's Gym seems to think so. They've declared July "Cankle Awareness Month."

And here I thought my fupa was the worst of my worries. Now, I've gotta be concerned if it looks like there's bread baking in my shoes?

It's always something, right ladies? If your cankles keep you up at night, check the video here for ways to rid yourselves of the unsightly ankle meat.

If you could care less about your ample ankles, then strap on your gladiators and keep it movin' honey!

Strictly For The Ladies: The Diva Cup

Ladies, I’m all for being green and saving the Earth and treehugging and all that Al “I invented the internetz…put it in the lock-box” Gore jibberish. But some things just go a little too far for me. For instance, I will not be composting my dog's poop and using it on my greens and tomatoes in the back yard.

I won’t be "air drying" it when I should be using toilet paper, if you know what I mean. And I certainly do flush it down when it's brown and when it's mellow yellow too.

And, after seeing an ad for this creation in one of my favorite magazines, you can add this to the list of things I will not do for Mother Earth! I will not be Diva Cupping it any time soon.

Gents, you can stop reading at this point… unless you like throwing up in your mouth.

The Diva Cup is a non-absorbent menstrual cup that collects your Aunt Flow. I won’t go any further. I think you get the visual. They say this thing won’t leak and you can’t even feel it when you wear it. And, you can wear it for up to 12 hours before emptying it. (*cue my innards turning over at the thought of this*)

I know it’s a recession and we’ve all got to conserve our ducats. Hell, Tampax and Always can cut into a sista’s budget sometimes. But cut back on the Starbucks or something. This is drastic! I’m all for trying new things and being all adventurous and whatnot. But, no ma’am on this one. I can’t do it.

If you want a demo on how it's worn, go here… or if you just wanna see some vagicat discussion (you freak!).

Health: Thicka Than A Snicka

Did you know that clothing companies are making their fashions bigger to accommodate America’s growing waistline, but they aren’t changing the sizes of the clothes?

You can be a size 14, but if you go to the right store, you’ll be led to believe you’re actually a size 10. Experts say that’s making more people accepting of being overweight and believing that having a little too much meat on their bones is normal.

And as those clothing sizes scale down, food portions are going up. The percentage of adults classified as obese jumped in 23 states in the last year alone. Doctors say feeling normal but actually being overweight may keep you out of the gym because you won’t be motivated to lose the weight.

Now, I love to get down on those pretty wangs as much as the next gal, you can fry 'em, jerk 'em, curry 'em or bake 'em... but know when to say when! You can't fool me. I know my 14 hips are not squeezing in no 10s. If you fall for that, I've got a bridge to sell you!

It’s time to push away from the table and get to movin’ America!

Brew Beauty: Wax On, Wax Off!

If you’re like me, you like to keep your vagicat in a silky, smooth state. Perhaps you leave a strip, just clean up the edges or you go for the full Monty and wax it all off. Whatever your pleasure, beware, there are some hazards to bikini waxing.

MSN reports one New York woman got a wax and wound up with something called cellulitis (sounds naaastay). It’s a potentially life-threatening bacterial infection of the skin. It nearly killed the woman. She spent 15 days in the hospital. Waxing pulls off the top layers of the skin which creates an opening for bacteria to walk right in. And voila… you’ve got cellulitis!


So, here are some tips to keeping your vajj smooth and your butt alive:

1. Choose your waxer carefully – Just like you do background checks on a man or a potential hairdresser, make sure the wax place is clean!
2. Ask what type of wax is being used – make sure it’s chemical-free
3. Watch out for dirty birdies – Did the waxer clean her funky hands? Is she double dipping the wax? Ya know, stuff like that.
4. Buy yourself some post-shave/wax cream – That will keep bumps from appearing because you don’t want to look like the before photo in the Magic Shave commercials.
5. Watch out for infection – Duh!

Happy waxing ladies (and, well, gents...how you doin'?).

Wanna lose 15-35 lbs in a week? Take a dump!

She's back ya'll! and as your resident shitologist it is my civic duty to present you with the "feed your vagicat yogurt" lady! She says the key to losing a huge amount of weight in a short amount of time is a super duper clean colon. Hmmmm...... now ya'll know I'm a huge fan of the colonic and have already booked my summer cleanse at the shit spa and while I do feel quite footloose and fancy free when it's done, I never lose this stupid amount of weight. But hey, I guess it doesn't hurt to give her videos a looksie, especially for those who are still a lil squeamish about the whole colonic thing, at least with her method you can do it in the comfort of your home....

I quite enjoy her and I absolutely love the lil naughty nurse outfit..... she brings me joy because well.... Imma be nice. Til next time, keep those colons clean people! toodles!

Witches' Health Alert: Smell Hell

Another drug company, another "what had happened...." America's Top Drug Dealers The FDA, has issued a warning for Zicam. It seems as though the popular cold remedy can destroy your sense of smell. Uh, duh!?! What did you really think would happen when you squirt zinc up your KRS's Ones? Here's my thing peoples, when you get sick, you're supposed to snot. It's your body doing what it's supposed to do get rid of boogies and the virus! Stop squirting, rubbing or swallowing medicine for er'y damn things that ails you. And yes Negros, that includes Tussin!!! If you're healthy, your body can ward off a lot of the bad ish, k?

Source

Dis Don't Make No Sense....

Ok I ain't neva birth no babies so I can't say what happens to your body when you do (but I have eyes and I'm not blind and I've seen what happens to some of my friends bodies...... just sayin) but this damn Mel B. is confusing as fug!! This is a hot body pre or post baby and if I'm not mistaken she did not look this hot pre babies.... so wow! GO MEL!!! I guess going hard with the diet and exercise does yield results.....

IN YO FACE RASPUSHA!!!!!!

Health: Woodwork

Watching a man masturbate can be sexy or squirrely, depending on the dude. It's sexy when it's "that guy" and he's gearing up to blow your back out. Not so much when it's that creepy neighbor with a big belly, wearing a wife beater and jacking off it in front of his screen door as you walk by. Okay, I digress.
However you carry it men, there are some facts that you may or may not have known about the hand love!
-There's no such thing as "abnormal" masturbation. Experts say there is no definition of normal or abnormal because humans are too diverse. So if you get off by rubbing your man meat on a stuffed animal, or skeet all over a picture of your 2nd grade teacher, that's normal!
-Masturbation is safe, but not entirely. You can't catch the clap but frequent or overly vigorous masturbation can irritate the skin of the penis and if you masturbate face down (what's that about?) you can injure your urethra. So keep the freakiness to a minimum. 
-Masturbating can add to your sex life or take away from it. Experts say solo sex can help teach men about their bodies and its likes and dislikes. However, some men can become so obsessed with masturbating that they lose interest in having sex with their partner.
-Masturbation can lead to sexual dysfunction. If you stimulate yourself in ways that you can't get stimulated by your partner, like rapid stroking with a lot of pressure or friction, it can bring on what experts call "retarded ejaculation". That is a condition where men find it impossible to climax during partnered sex.
- Masturbation and prostate cancer? The link is hazy, but a 2003 Australian study published in BJU International linked frequent ejaculation early in life with reduced risk for prostate cancer later on. But in a 2004 study published in The Journal of the American Medical Association, a researcher reported that "ejaculation frequency is not related to increased risk of prostate cancer." Conflicting studies but something to think about for you all you hand jockeys out there.
Happy Endings!!!!

Swine Safety

Allow the Brew to get serious for a minute. This swine flu is no joke (as we're told by CNN 24 hours a day). It’s time to do the common sense things your Grandma told you: wash your nasty hands, don’t eat/drink after folks, don't go to work/school if you're sick and -above all- quit kissing random people all willy-nilly.

Now the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is out with its travel advisory on the swine (or "H1N1") flu. The CDC recommends avoiding all non-essential travel to Mexico. In other words, the hedonistic trip you planned to Cancun can wait. Adjust your plans accordingly.

If you must travel, pack a mask. You know, like the one your manicurist wears down at the nail shop on 3rd. Ask her for one.

And lastly, wipe it down! Load up on the Purell, baby wipes (ask Terrence Howard for some) and anything alcohol-based that can kill germs on surfaces. No, that doesn’t mean pack your Hennessy to wipe down the tray table. Have some manners!

Be safe out there...this flu is spread through contact! By all means, keep eating your bacon. Life's joy should not be stopped because a few people got the sniffles.

COLONIC FEVER!!!!!!!

WHOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yep, it's about that time for me to get the shit sucked outta me. I'm pumped up like a mug! I think Imma wear a skirt this time. I wanna look cute but unassuming, ya know?

If anyone is in the DC area and you think you might wanna join me let me know. Instead of a meet -n-greet we could do a meet-n-shit. How forkin awesome is that????? Now that's some shit (pun intended) you'd never forget.

I'm tellin you at the end of it I always feel pure, like a virgin being touched for the very first time, lol! ( so you know there must be A LOT of doo doo being sucked outta me if I feel like a virgin again, cause boy let me tell ya.......)

For more info about my shit spa of choice, click here:

And here's a lil vid for those still a lil shy about the whole process..... do it, it'll change your life and make you a much happier you.....

DVD Review: Tae Bo Funk

Sweet God in heaven. Billy Blanks is many things-- a motivator, the man who gives me killer legs -(seriously I could kick a sternum out and not blink an eye), he's my and your personal DVD fitness guru and grammar fucker-upper.

What Sensei Blanks is NOT, is 'Funk'. This DVD is like watching the rhythm free old man at the club try to jazz up his ‘Nam era Green Beret moves, at your local dancery. As a Billy Blanks believer and ultimate swim fan, I’d like to say I could provide a full review of this DVD, but 10 mins of spastic off-beat grinding and thrusting made me as uncomfortable as a teen would be discovering her parents grinding on the dance floor that they are supposed to be chaperoning. I feel for you Shelly... I do.

Health: DVD Review, HIP HOP ABS, Killing Fat Cells and Hip Hop in 12 Easy Steps

Meet Shaun T. a former fat boy turned fit boy. He looks great, and he wants to make you look great too! Great. The rapping though... sucks. Donkey nuts. Seriously. Dial it down a notch Shaunie. I’ll be there for the workouts, no doubt- it’s boy getting season and all. But your music career? Not, gonna happen. Your flow is wackmatic.

Oh, the review: Good workout- especially the full body burn DVD! You work up a nice sweat with ‘hip hop’ cardio moves, standing, and more traditional abs work. It offers a fun alternative to the tired crunch routine. And Shaunie is like your best girlfriend who just wants you to look hot... he’s too cute, but you want to shove a cookie in his mouth, just to stop his 'flow'.


Order it here:
http://www.beachbody.com/product/fitness_programs/hip_hop_abs.do?code=COMPARECHART_HHA

Sneak Peek at his new DVD:

Health: Talk and Die Syndrome

R.I.P. Natasha Richardson. The beautiful actress died Wednesday after falling during a skiing lesson. Her death serves as a grim reminder that life is very short. It should also prompt you to educate yourself. A blow to the head while at first seems minor can result in death. It's very common for someone who has fallen or been in a car accident to be perfectly lucid following the accident. That was the case with Richardson. Witnesses say she was joking but later complained of head pain. Such injuries are known as an epidural hemorrhage. Blood gets trapped between the skull and the hard layer of skin between the bone and brain, known as the dura mater. As the blood flows from the ruptured artery, the fluid builds and punctures the dura. Patients are often unaware they've fractured their skull. The condition is commonly referred to as "talk and die" syndrome among neuroscience physicians and surgeons. The delay in symptoms can range from five minutes to three hours after the accident. Recognizing the signs is critical. Nausea, severe headache, glossy eyes, sudden sleepiness, are all common symptoms. It is important to get to a hospital within the first few hours to prevent brain damage. I hate to be Debbie Downer but knowing is half the battle. Be safe.

Health: Memo, to the Broad in the Gym 1 hour ago

You lazy ass heffa. Let me find out you did a 15 minute work out! So, some how we get into the gym at the SAME gotdamn time. You find some magic nook to change in, b/c it sure wasn't the locker room. I'm leaving for my lil half National Mall nooner run, you are JUST starting the treadmill. I get back, about 45 mins and one mild cardial infarction later, and your ass is GONE, like you were never even there??

You got me straight tripping, boo! Who told you that 15 mins of mild cardio walking was enough to burn that shit that you need to be burnt?

Richard Simmons is ashamed!

Monster On The Loose

This just in...

At least 3% of Washington, D.C. residents have HIV or AIDS. Officials say that percentage surpasses the 1% amount that constitutes a "generalized and severe" epidemic.

The Washington Post reports the AIDS rate in D.C. is higher than parts of West Africa, as AIDS cases are on the rise among every mode of transmission: male-to-male, heterosexual and needle drug users.

A more detailed report about the heterosexual cases will be released Monday.

This celibacy thing ain't looking so bad...