Strictly For The Ladies: The Diva Cup

Ladies, I’m all for being green and saving the Earth and treehugging and all that Al “I invented the internetz…put it in the lock-box” Gore jibberish. But some things just go a little too far for me. For instance, I will not be composting my dog's poop and using it on my greens and tomatoes in the back yard.

I won’t be "air drying" it when I should be using toilet paper, if you know what I mean. And I certainly do flush it down when it's brown and when it's mellow yellow too.

And, after seeing an ad for this creation in one of my favorite magazines, you can add this to the list of things I will not do for Mother Earth! I will not be Diva Cupping it any time soon.

Gents, you can stop reading at this point… unless you like throwing up in your mouth.

The Diva Cup is a non-absorbent menstrual cup that collects your Aunt Flow. I won’t go any further. I think you get the visual. They say this thing won’t leak and you can’t even feel it when you wear it. And, you can wear it for up to 12 hours before emptying it. (*cue my innards turning over at the thought of this*)

I know it’s a recession and we’ve all got to conserve our ducats. Hell, Tampax and Always can cut into a sista’s budget sometimes. But cut back on the Starbucks or something. This is drastic! I’m all for trying new things and being all adventurous and whatnot. But, no ma’am on this one. I can’t do it.

If you want a demo on how it's worn, go here… or if you just wanna see some vagicat discussion (you freak!).

Defibrillate Your Vagicat With The G-Shot......

Hmmm, so I saw on twitter today that comedian Margaret Cho recently had the G-shot. If your face is like this no worries! so was mine. So apparently the G-shot is for women who have difficulty reaching orgasm or for women who want to intensify the whole experience. So just like when they plump the lips with collagen, they plump your G-spot with collagen to enlarge it and make it over the top sensitive. It seems that for women who complain that they rarely or never orgasm, the problem is that their G-spot is the size of a pea. hmmmm, interesting. Mine must be the size of Madison Square Garden if you get my drift *wink*. What is sex without an orgasm? I mean just hump a wall for crying out loud, or...... find you a G-shot practitioner, like STAT!

And for those completely at a loss..... that means you don't masturbate, I urge you to go home tonight and get aquainted with yourself. If you're a G-spot/masturbating novice, go HERE for fun facts and tips on locating your 'explode button' and other helpful hints. Unfortunately we here at the Brew draw the line at live tutorials of this nature.......

1-2-3- GO G-SPOT!!!!!!!!!!

With Summer Fast Approaching.....

I figured this was as good a time as any to say

I HATE VAGINAS!!!!!! ALL COLORS, SIZES, AND SHAPES!

Yes, I have a vagina and I decided I hate having a vagina. It's when you're on the beach that you really get mad at the fact that you can't just whip out your vagicat when you have to piss. I have to either freeze my ass off in nature's toilet (the beach water) or use one of those horrific porto potty thingies with doo doo leavings floating all around in them, no thanks! How freakin gross are those things???? Sometimes it's just way too cold to use nature's toilet and besides you have to be careful that you don't get frostbite on my your delicate love cookie (the vagicat) so I just hold it for as long as I can because really there is no other option. Vagicats are soooooo forkin inconvenient! They would be a lot more useful if they came with an extension chord or something.... right?



I HATE VAGINAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How do you lebenese women do it? I mean I get so mad at my vagina I sometimes wish I could detach it and beat the shit out of it. Why would God do such a thing to us????