The Economy Needs Jesus

Pope Benedict XVI is calling on White Jesus to save the slumping economy. Bennie wants to form a "world political authority" to help keep the global economy on track and prevent future recessions. He's written a new encyclical called "Charity in Truth" that rejects capitalism and abuse of the global economic system.

The pope says every economic decision has a moral consequence. He wants to see wealth redistributed to help the poor. [Uh, didn't Jesus already say that?]

The idea isn't sitting well with economists and even some Catholics who think the church should butt out. But, the pope says he ain't feeling this free market too much. He says people with poor moral character have really screwed up this economy [okay, maybe he didn't say screwed, but you get it], so the economy needs some protectin'.

The pope is set to meet with President Obama at the Vatican on Friday. We hear the White House planned to give the pope a gold-plated antique Archbishop Don Magic Juan chalice but Obama will give him a stole instead. Good move Mr. Prez. Don't wanna flaunt ya riches in front of the pope, you know, while he's wearing those Prada shoes and all.

Things White Jesus Loves

We at the Brew have previously mentioned how much the Negros love them some White Jesus. But who thinks about White Jesus and what He's into? Us at the Brew..that's who! (Ohhh that rhymed, say it one mo' time!)

White Jesus loves a cup of chain coffee. Starbucks, Caribou, The Coffee Beanery...if you can't get the same thing while you are on vacation than you can get at home, White Jesus gets uncomfortable.

White Jesus ADORES the Spirit of Truth's hair piece, he should wear it more often.

White Jesus just adores ODB, no one has warmed his heart since Big Baby Jesus. RIP!



Things Negroes Like: Art & Home Edition

It's Tuesday... you know what that means. Since spring is finally here, today brings a special art and home edition of "Things Negroes Like." I hope it inspires you to do some spring cleaning if you have any of these things in your home.

Plastic-covered Couches

Stop this madness please! Have a sit down with grandma and tell her there are fabulous, washable fabric couch covers now. She should invest. And for crying out loud, if the plastic is cracked…REPLACE IT! There’s nothing worse than bleeding to death from the cut you get from some raggedy couch plastic.

Wicker Furniture

We love to take a club flick leaning all over some wicker with our booties tooted to the side. But what is it with the wicker IN the house? Now, don’t get me wrong. I do have a lovely, vintage swing made of wicker. It’s fly and I’ve seen cheaper versions popping all up in Ikea. But for real, the wicker is not meant to be an armchair or a dinner seat. You know it cannot support your aunt every week at the Sunday dinner. Come on.

White Jesus

Now, please don’t wish death and lightning strikes upon me. But ya’ll know you love you some white Jesus. Whether the picture comes with a teardrop, a crown of thorns, on the back of a church fan or the classic Jesus-MLK-JFK trifecta, you people love to see some white Jesus. Can we at least get a tanned picture? Ok, off the soapbox. Lord, don't kill me for this!