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Witches' Brew: Mofos and Massages.... UGH!!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Mofos and Massages.... UGH!!

If one more man expresses his desire to massage me I'm gonna effin lose it!!!!! ImageImageImage I mean listen, I prefer is you just say, "hey girl, when do you think you'll have time to let me grease you down and slip you some of this joystick?" At first I thought nothing of it but then I started to realize that I get asked this at least 3 - 4 times per week. Here's how it ususally goes:

Massage Fucker: "Hey girl, what's up? what chu doin?

Me: "Cold chillin, trying to figure out what I wanna eat"

Massage Fucker: "oh aight, so I'm sayin, what chu doing?"

Me: "I mean what? is you def? (yes, "is you"), I said nuffin!"

Massage Fucker: "damn boo you sound stressed, you need a massage"

Me: "stressed? , um no, I'm straight"

Massage Fucker: "nah you stressed, I think you need me to come over there and give you a massage"

Me: *now I've figured out what I wanna eatImage* "look let me call you back ok?"

Massage Fucker: "yeah and let me know what's up with that massage"

Me: "uh yeah, sure"Image *click*

Ok now in my twenties I will admit that I fell for the "girl you need a massage" trick, which almost always ended with some type of coitus but at this point I'm way too old for the "massage" game. A massage, riiiiigggghhhhttttttImage.......... I agree to this massage, you come over, drench me in crisco , proceed to start rubbing me down and then the next thing you know your penis 'accidently' slips in my vagina cat, no thanks! I'm good!

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At Wednesday, April 1, 2009 at 11:44:00 AM EDT , Anonymous Anonymous said...

That line works in reverse too... worked in my 20s and at college fo sho...

At Wednesday, April 1, 2009 at 11:47:00 AM EDT , Blogger BreeIAm said...

It doesn't help that dude in the photo looks like Luke from the 2 Live Crew...

At Wednesday, April 1, 2009 at 11:59:00 AM EDT , Blogger Cruz said...

I hate when I'm asked to give a massage, I have little hands and it hurts....

At Wednesday, April 1, 2009 at 12:29:00 PM EDT , Anonymous Anonymous said...

LMAO...I massage with hot rocks. It works.

But uh, why does the dude in the pic look like he's about to bite that lady?

At Wednesday, April 1, 2009 at 12:37:00 PM EDT , Blogger Cruz said...

He's probably a vampire, now that I can get into, I think vamps are hot!


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