Things Negroes Like: Blue-Eyed Edition

I was at a party the other day, with all the shades of the rainbow in attendance (you know, a sista likes to expand her horizons), and the deejay spun a few throwback jams. Jams that some Negroes might be a little embarrassed to admit they know all the words to…stuff like Journey (yeah, you know the words to "Don't Stop Believing"…you ain't gotta lie Craig!). So that got me to thinking, who are the other blue-eyed performers that we have in our iPods that our more thugged out friends might not understand?

Run it…

Hall & Oates

There's something creepily odd about this tall-short duo. But they have some of the most memorable hits that shaped our lives in the '70s and '80s. I mean, what girl doesn't wanna be a "Maneater?" Reowr!

Tom Jones

If you're over 30, chances are your mother once tossed her panny-drawz at this man in the '70s so he could ask what's new with her pussycat. Or, she wanted to! What is it about those foreign white folks who can sing and never let on that they have accents? Is it something in the water over there?

Justin Timberlake

The Negroes have a love-hate relationship with this one. Liking him early on in his career probably means you've got to admit to an N'Sync album purchase. And that may not be the best thing for retaining your Black Card. But then he went all nutso and exposed Janet's booby then didn't back her up publicly. Many of the Negro kind banished him from pseudo-Negrodom because of that. But then this fool went and brought sexy back…how could you not love that jam?

Teena Marie

I was so sure she was just real light-skinndeded for the first 10 years of my life. But, alas, Mary Christine Brockert is not of the Negroid persuasion. Dangit, Lady T, you had me fooled! I won't hold that against you though. Some of your wardrobe choices though, yeah, I've got to hold you under the spotlight for those.

Robin Thicke

Mmmmm, tasty! I remember when you were all long-haired and grungy and just wanted to be called Thicke. Now, you're all cleaned up and married to a sista.
Hats off to any man who can go from this to this . That's all I'm sayin.

Michael Bolton

Sure he got the hair-memo and he's all cleaned up now. But I loved him most when he had that Beauty & the Beast mullet and sang the hell outta those songs black people had already made famous. His jams are played in dental offices worldwide. Something about that dude just soothes you to sleep while you're having that mercury filling put in your mouth.

John Mayer

Can we take this guy in the racial draft in a multi-player trade for Lil Wayne, Plies, Lil Boosie, Hurricane Chris, Soulja Boy and Gucci Mane? We don't care who takes them and don't worry, we don't need any replacements for those six. Mayer is enough. In fact, we'll pay you to take them. Thanks!

Kenny G

The decaf of jazz with uncontrollably kinky hair, much like the Negro. Is he related to us?

Vanilla Ice

Oh, don't even fake. You had this CD when you were 12, just like everybody else. If "Ice Ice Baby" came on right now, your ass would be the first to jump up and shout "Alright stop, collaborate and listen"...
It's okay…so would I.