Things Negroes Like: Played Out Edition

Disclaimer: I'm seriously tired of ignorant people. Tired of talking to them. Tired of seeing them. Tired of them attempting to hold mature conversations with me when all that spews from their lips is a litany of overused and overhyped hood jargon that I could really give two post-Sunday dinner shats about.

So today's TNL comes to you via one sista who's tired of the same-ole, same-ole. It's time we cleaned up our act, and our vocab too. Ya know, get ready for the new millennium that's already here and stuff. I'm so 3008, you so two thousand and late!©

Run it:

Yuck! Please strike swagger from your inner-dictionary. You don't have enough to "jack" so why even brag about it? Are you debt-free? Do you own your home? What's your portfolio looking like these days? Do those kids know you're their daddy? Get your life right first son, then call me about your swagger. Unless your name is Barack and you live in a shiny White House, keep it moving!
Hating is soooo 2001. Nobody really cares about you enough to hate you. We've got bigger fish to fry. And you're probably not all that successful anyway to be "brushing haters off" on a daily basis. Did it ever occur to you maybe you just suck and people don't like you on GP? Didn't think about that, huh?

Making it rain
Chill with all that raining. It's a recession, you may need that money one day. Besides, I'm holding out for the day some dude makes it snow! Now, that will be a sight to see.

'LOL' and 'LMAO' replies

Did you really just waste good bandwidth to reply to my e-mail or my Facebook status with an LOL? Come on. Ever heard the saying "if you don't have something good to say, don't say it?" I don't really need to know that your ass is rolling on the floor and laughing out loud at something I said. Click the "like" button and keep it moving. Better yet, just laugh and don't click anything.

R.I.P. tee shirts
Now, I'm all for remembering a loved one. I'm not heartless. But seriously, donate that money to charity... not to the tee shirt man. I don't think Grandma Bertha would want to be memorialized on a shirt that reads "There's a Heaven for a G." I'm just guessin'.

Anything other than teeth in your mouth
That's just gross and not dentally-friendly. And I've got 5 on it that when you open your mouth, people don't know if you're about to speak or shit. I'm just sayin'…

Excessive jewelry
You're hoodrich, we get it. Next!

Cornrows
We've covered this before here at the Brew, but can't stress it enough. If you have a peen, you should not have cornrows after age 6.

Babying your white Nikes
They're shoes. They're supposed to get dirty. Now, get your lazy ass up and walk...so what if I step on your foot, get some Windex and grow a pair.

Not having a computer
Don't get me wrong, I know the digital divide is real and holds a lot of "us" back. But if you've got good cable that you're not stealing, rims and jewels or you're heavily invested in keeping your weave tight… then you should put some money in Steve Jobs' pocket and buy a damn computer. No, you cannot borrow mine. No, I don't want your short 'email' messages in text lingo sent from your phone cuz you're too cheap to buy a laptop. And no, you can't use the excuse 'I don't understand computers...they're not my thing.' That's played out too.

Ooh, it's time for my midday hating session… catch 'ya next time.

©Ferg!