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Witches' Brew: Fantasy Football: Stacking Your Dating Roster

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Fantasy Football: Stacking Your Dating Roster


In an attempt to save myself great heartache down the road, I asked my man-friend what to do about another guy, let's call this other guy "more-than-a-man-friend." Now, this man-friend guy is an opinion machine, let me tell ya. And luckily for me, most of his opinions ring true and are rooted in some serious experience.

So, I asked man-friend about how to protect my feelings in this situation. I'm feeling this more-than-a-man-friend guy, and my little beating heart is ready to jump all up in it. I think more-than-a-man-friend is feeling me too, but he's not all the way there yet on the relationship tip. In other words, he ain't relationship-ready. Whatever that means. Is that like being marathon-ready? Road-ready? Ever-ready? Do you put hours in at the gym to get your 'ready' status up?

Anyway. Man-friend broke it all down for me.

And being the loyal servant I am to you Brewchies, I thought I'd share it with you. Merry Christmas!

The Fantasy Football Theory
Man-friend tells me that every good team needs quarterbacks. Preferably, three of them. What makes women any different? We've got to stack our benches too.

Then he says, he's going to tell me the "most dude-ish" piece of dating advice when it comes to more-than-a-man-friend: "Keep him for the present time, but go on the lookout for a new guy. Don't CHEAT, but look for a new candidate."

I ask man-friend to expand on this morsel. He calls it the "QB Method." Meaning: keep three quarterbacks on the active roster (keep 3 men in your vicinity at all times).

Here's how it all shakes out:

  1. QB #1 is your starter: the man you get down with! He's your Montana!

  2. QB #2 is the reliable back-up: he knows about QB #1 and is ready to hop in the game at any moment and even has the chops to hang on the Super Bowl field. Keep this one around but don't cheat with him or you'll lose his respect. If QB #1 is sent away to do some Mike Vick kinda time, then elevate that #2 to his spot and keep it moving.

  3. QB #3 the good back up: he wins some games and could develop his arm so to speak. But you keep him at a distance… like, waay at the end of the bench. Sure, you'd get with him. But don't tell him that. Just hang out with him casually.

So, here's where man-friend's theory starts to make my spideysense spin. He says start adding new ones to the roster when you need to (and definitely make cuts), but always make sure you've got three in the line-up, so when one doesn't act right, he gets axed.

Now, the bigger question is: where do you even meet all these viable quarterbacks in the first place?

Riddle me that, man-friend. Riddle me that!?!

It's sad that we have to even do this "dance" in the first place, really. It would be so much easier if we all wore shirts that said "I like peen" or "I enjoy vagicat," then you could just make your draft picks from there and skip all that getting to know you stuff. Why can't the world operate like my mind does?

Ah, one last piece of advice from the man-code breaker: men are simple! If dude has issues from the get-go, it doesn't look too good down the road.

Whew! This is way too much sports analogy for me to follow. Good thing football season is starting, huh?

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At Wednesday, August 12, 2009 at 11:08:00 PM EDT , Blogger Brooke said...

this has SUpreme written ALL over it ;-) LOL!!


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