Things Negroes Like: Vacation Edition

I’m writing this through a work-induced haze, but dammit, I’m on a tropical island. So let’s get it…

Here’s a little rundown of the things we Negroes like, on vacation only!

Excessive Vacation Pictures

Take a picture of the scenery and a few shots of you standing next to some massive monument, then move on. If I’m so lucky (read: sarcasm) to be on a tour with you and your Griswold-like family, I don’t want to navigate past each of your family members trying to snap a pic of the Mona Lisa. Snap a shot of that chick and keep steppin’. Likewise, White Jesus doesn’t want you striking his pose when you visit him in Brazil either. Snap a pic and keep it moving!

Tacky Tee Shirts

The Negroes love a “5 shirts for $20” deal. We buy tie-dye, tacky slogans and shirts with random references to the amount of beer we can drink. Sure, it’s cute on vacation. Not so cute when you return to dry land. Please don’t rock your “St. Thomas 2006” shirt like it’s haute couture. Wear it to bed or the gym. Goodbye!

Trinkets

When do you really use a shot glass? Who you foolin’? You know you drink that ‘Yac in a red plastic cup. You should have stock in Solo. And who really wants to chug a shot out of a glass that looks like a masturbating lady? No ma’am!

Til next time, my people… wear sunscreen!