Santa Stick Up!

Nobody move... nobody gets... uh... a lump of coal?

Santa is the subject of an FBI manhunt after robbing a SunTrust bank in Tennessee. Witnesses say the man stayed in character during the entire robbery, claiming he needed the loot to pay the elves.

This guy is a genius!

"Ah'm Not Fittin' Ta Steal From You, Ah Just Wanna Air Mah Testes and Sit for a Spell"

"A nude man broke into a Slidell, LA, home, cooked himself a meal and took a shower before fleeing wrapped only in a sheet, authorities said Tuesday.

Slidell Police DepartmentThis naked burglar cooked a meal and took a shower while ransacking a Slidell, La. home, police said.

"It appears that the man is either drunk or under the influence of drugs," Slidell Police Chief Freddy Drennan said in statement released Tuesday morning. "We are hoping that the public recognizes the man and gives us a call. I would be interested to hear his story and why he was naked and what he was thinking!"

A video surveillence system at the home shows the naked man using a garden hose to shower in the driveway about 1 a.m. Monday morning, Slidell Police spokesman Capt. Kevin Foltz said. He then knocked on the front door and, after getting no response, moved to the back yard, Foltz said.

The man then covered himself up with what appears to be a trash bag and sat for a while in a chair in the back yard. He then broke out several rear windows in the house, entered and ransacked the home, Foltz said.Slidell Police Department

While in the home, the man cooked himself a meal, had several drinks and took another shower inside the home, Foltz said. He then wrapped himself in a white sheet and left.

The sheet was the only item taken from the home, Foltz said."

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I don't see the problem.

Brew Crime Files: Manhunt Underway

Just when you think you've heard the worst that humanity has to offer, something worse happens that makes you wanna go and shank a mofo. Police in Naples, Fl and Haiti are on the hunt for 33-year-old Mesac Damas who's wife and 5 children were found brutally murdered in their home. Word on the curb is that Damas fled to his native Haiti. The three boys and two girl ranged in age from 11 months to 9 years. Two of their throats were reportedly slit. Dude, "Hell's calling, line 4"!
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America's Next Top Perv?

A jury convicted up-and-coming designer, Anand Jon Alexander, of raping and fondling several women he lured to L.A. with the promise of making them see big stars. The 34-year-old worked on "America's Next Top Model" and has also listed Mary J. Blige and Paris Hilton as his top clients. The conviction means a mandatory life sentence or at least 67 years. Wait until Debo gets a hold of this dude's "Prit-tay Wings"...Oh, see he's "smiling with his eyes".

COM UP CHERE!

Subtitles stat! C-Murda's sister Master P with a wig gave the cameras a dose of sheer Kid Fury after a jury convicted Miller for a 2nd time in a deadly nightclub shooting. Do they have Rosetta Stone for country crunchy creole speak? I'm just sayin'...

I Should Have Jacked Off Case #467: Cameron Douglas

Damn no wonder Michael Douglas was so convincing in Traffic! He had a little basehead at home. The actor's 30-year-old son is facing METH charges. Meth is crack for white folks ya'll! Po Po arrested Cameron Douglas at the Hotel Gansevoort in Manhattan. Who drug deals at a posh hotel? What happened to the seedy joints with broken lampshades, wood paneling, lumpy mattresses and rusty sinks? Get into character Son! Cameron was also charged with cocaine possession in 2007. This little privileged mofo needs to get a clue or smoke one. You can't thug out just because your daddy played a few thugs on the teevay. Doesn't work like that boo. I'ma need you to go to Sanz school or ITT Tech or something, stat!