When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong Case # 761: D'Angelo

There are times when I wish I could rent-a-ding-a-ling, but I push through the drought and work it out, if you know what I mean! Hee hee. So I cram to understand why singer D'Angelo felt the need to offer a Street Human Resource Specialist $40.00 to lick his R&B lollipop. Turns out that street walker was an undercover cop. D'Angelo, a.k.a. Michael Archer was busted early this morning and charged with solicitation. Police also found $12,000 in cash stashed in his car. I had to sort through all the recent bloated pictures of D'Angelo to find this throwback picture when he was super swexy! On a side note: did Angie Stone put some Miss Celie "until you do right by me" curse on his arse? Since he dissed her, this boy can't catch a break. Where is the comeback CD son? This is why we will never rise (pun intended) as a people!
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Never Prank A Black Man

Case in point...

Wangsta gets 20 months

That's why mommies-to-be have to be careful about naming their kids ignant things! Self-fulling prophecy mean anything to you? PLAXICO Burress is headed to the clink where he can practice his YouTube gangsta with real thugs who do real things. A judge sentenced the former New York Giants Wide Receiver to 20 months in jail today for shooting himself in the leg at a night club last year. I'm sick of these dumb ass athletes who blow good opportunities away on foolishness. Plax, I'mma let you start serving your sentence, but Michael Vick was the greatest criminal athlete of all times!!!! Now, hand me some talcum power to sprinkle on my hand so when I smack the shyt out yo' momma for naming you after a period plugger...I'll get a big puff of special effects, POW!

When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong: Case #109493 Dose vs. Math

Looks like any normal rap battle... until...

(Caution: strong language)



Kinda reminds me of this little...



*Smh*

When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong: Case # 75646 Melonie Thornton

See what you started RiRi? Now anyone with a little free time, leftover tights from their last performance and cutoff coochie cutters can be a Muse. Not sure who would claim this little creation. Speaking of little is Bow Wow behind this? Melanie Thornton hit a party at fashion week looking a little confused. Such a shame because she is my favorite Budussy Cat Doll. She's too pretty for this nonsense! Who told her this was acceptable party gear? I need answers, stat!

America's Next Top Perv?

A jury convicted up-and-coming designer, Anand Jon Alexander, of raping and fondling several women he lured to L.A. with the promise of making them see big stars. The 34-year-old worked on "America's Next Top Model" and has also listed Mary J. Blige and Paris Hilton as his top clients. The conviction means a mandatory life sentence or at least 67 years. Wait until Debo gets a hold of this dude's "Prit-tay Wings"...Oh, see he's "smiling with his eyes".

When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong: Case # 456655

Police in New Jersey arrested Pigpen's homie-lover-friend Juelz Santana for allegedly threatening to kill his wife. I didn't even know this little dude was married. When officers showed up their Santana's Teaneck home, his wife said he threatened to take her out in front of their child. Wow, why the hard act? He got an album coming out or something? Police booked the other Juelz on domestic violence charges. Not very Diplomatic of him huh? Now about that bandana...

WTF Files: It's Bananas!

Who thought this Motley Crew would take Cabbage Patch kids down for the count? Costco has pulled its "Cuddle With Me" doll off its perch next to the Mom jeans and Snuggies after customers flooded complaint lines angry that the little beebeh, furry pal and big ass banana were offensive. Yah think? When is it ever a "light bulb" moment to pair up monkeys with anything ethnic? I'm offended cuz they all look hot as hell up in that tight ass box. So what is that box represent? The Projects? Is this Marcy son? I'm just sayin'.....

When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong: Example #521

A 36-year-old goober in Western Australia burst into flames after police hit him with a taser gun. Witnesses say the man was carrying a can of gasoline and a lighter when he charged police. The man's sister told reporters that he was actually sniffing the gas before the incident. Well, er, um, I guess that explains it. I wonder was "Fire & Desire" playin' in the background? Or maybe it was "Punks Jump Up To Get Beat Down?" The theme music options here are endless! On top of the grilling (pun intended) police gave him they also charged him with assault.

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"Take dat...take dat"

They always say the best way to hurt rich folk is to take their money! The gubment announced that it has seized all of Bernie Madoff's property in a deal that also forces his wife to give up her homes and millions. In case you don't remember, Bernie Madoff created the largest ponzi scheme in history that stole millions from investors. The sleezy pepaw is scheduled to be sentenced Monday and at 71 is expected to spend the rest of his life in prison. The Madoffs will forfeit 80 million in property including a Manhattan apartment, a house in the Hamptoms and a home in Palm Beach, Florida. So basically, dude will be in jail and his wife will be in the projects clipping coupons and remembering the good 'ole days. Karma's a bytch!