Church and Easter... What to do???

So Easter is this Sunday and I'm trying to decide whether or not I'm gonna go to church. Easter sure does bring out the best in most Negroes doesn't it? We pull out our best duds (preferably pastel colored) and patent leather shoes and hightail our asses to any house of worship that still has seats available (cause Negroes fill up a church on Easter like it's the club). If I could find a church here in the DC area where people don't fall out and have convulsions I would probably go every Sunday but all that holy ghost stuff scares the crapola outta me. I remember I went to church once and the pastor put his hands on top of my head and starting speaking in tongues. Now the first thing I was thinking was " oh no this mofo don't have his hands all up in my hair like he crazy " and it was my new peruvain/brazilian mix hair too, no sir you are buggin! then the second thing I thought was " what the fug is he saying???". Maybe he saw the demons flying around me and was trying to excorcise them outta me, who knows, either way I don't want all that. I just want a nice mild mannered church where there may be a shout or two of "halleujah!" and an occasional "praise the lord!" I don't want nobody falling out next to me or giving an impromtu step show and blaming it on the holy ghost cause quite frankly if the holy ghost is indeed responsible for these occurences then he need not jump into my body, Sunday is my day off from working out and I'd be pissed if this meddlesome holy ghost caused me to have a break a sweat on my off day So we'll have to see how the church thing goes. It would be nice to be in choir and put my singing skills to good use since I'm clearly not gonna be a pop star unless they come out with "Elderly Idol" if they do, I'm all ova that!

I think being filled with the spirit to the point where you wanna burst and do a little jig is nice, really I do, but should wigs be flying off in the process? See this is what I mean, this is a no no, check it out: