Ask A Dude: Characteristics of Bitchassness

Not Only a Client, but the Bitchassness President

Bianca is off getting a marriage annulled, it's long story involving a rodeo clown, a pool boy, Forrest Wittaker and an illegal prescription for Viagra.

The fabulous Jem is sitting in for her today and talking life and love with her dude-guru.

Jem: So, I’m chopping it up with one of my favorite dudes and we get on the topic of relationships, when it hits me: why haven’t I asked THIS dude to be one of our “Ask A Dudes"? So, Brew readers, meet SUpreme. He’s an Upstate dude (no, not jailed upstate, he just lives there) with an opinion on everything. And as much as I hate to admit it, he’s usually right and quite truthful, even if it comes out rather harsh.

So, here's the scenario:

TOTALLY RANDOM GIRL: So, you meet someone and kick it regularly for about 2 months. This person is very fluid and moves around quite a bit but you speak to him regularly. And, he has been very honest thus far. He calls you up one day and you're chit-chatting and he mentions that he's in another town, so you figure it's only for the weekend. You ask him which day he's coming back and he says at the end of the next month! He then says, "didn't I tell you?", which obviously he did not. You were supposed to hook up a few times the week prior but work or life got in the way. He's surprised that you feel some kind of way about all this and jokes, "okay when I get home, I'll coordinate my summer itinerary with you", then he acts insulted because you didn't immediately ask him why he's away for so long.

(So, after you stop fuming and find out he’s away for work, you then turn to SUpreme and ask for his take on this situation.)

Jem: So, is "TRG" wrong for feeling a little slighted? And how much should a man "reveal" at the start of a new friendship/relationship? When should a woman raise her "he's too mysterious" flag? (Yeah, that’s a lot of questions)

SUpreme: Hmm. Looking at THIS scenario, I would tell the woman to move on from this flake. I mean, really - what adult leaves town for a month without letting someone he's involved with know? And what else is he hiding or hasn't told the woman? Plus, the whole "didn't I tell you?" and acting insulted thing REEK of bitcha$$ness. Those are things I'D expect from a woman - a man doing these things makes me question who is "the man" in the relationship. And no woman needs to be with a guy who has similar tendencies as her or her girlfriends. A man shouldn't reveal EVERYTHING about himself or his life when first meeting someone. But after 2 months time...shoot, a girl can know if he's gonna be OUT OF TOWN for a month! I mean, you're SUPPOSED to build up trust, and break down each other's walls - that's part of being in a relationship, or at least growing one together. If I was advising any woman in this situation, I'd tell her to move on. The flakiness is strong with this one...as is the feminine ways.Bitcha$$ is he. Man he is not. ***shout out to Yoda***

Jem: (What is it with men and Yoda?) Interesting, and what are the characteristics of bitchassness...if you had to compile a list, I mean?

SUpreme: Bitcha$$ness is essentially a man acting like a woman and/or exhibiting feminine characteristics. This doesn't remotely mean gay - it's just having the reaction one would see more commonly in the female species. Some things that would denote bitcha$$ness in a man:

• expecting someone to guess his feelings
• Jealousy/envy/hate
• stank actions towards someone
• expecting the woman to be the decision
• maker and strong person in the relationship
• overt sensitivity
• cattiness
• overt moodiness
• gossiping/talking behind people's backs
• acting salty, pouting, whining incessantly
• not being A MAN
• playing games

Pretty much anything that you would see a guy doing regularly that you should expect from a female in actions would amount to bitcha$$ness. Cuz some of these suckas are bitches too!

Jem: That’s quite a list! So, how much time should you give a man if you see a few of these bitchass signals popping up? Perhaps he’s just having an off day? When do you throw in the towel?

SUpreme: Well, a guy could slip up and do something once that wouldn't constitute bitcha$$ness. Example - I'm a moody person. Always have been. Now here's the difference between a regular MAN who is moody and a bitcha$$ man...I may have different moods, but I don't take it out on anyone, nor do I let it interfere with my interactions with people I know. That's because as a child I was taught that women are all over the place like that with their moodiness at times; men keep it cool. If we ARE in a bad mood, we simply let people know and either remove ourselves from being around people or give them a heads up "not today". A bitcha$$ will CONSISTENTLY be moody like a woman. Meaning, happy at 2pm, crabby at 3pm, angry at 4pm. But then they won't EXPLAIN that they're in a bad mood, and just act...well, like A BITCH. I mean, even moody women don't have to act like bitches; but a bitcha$$ man can't help but to do it. It's the overwhelming bitcha$$ness in them. Consistent behavior lets you know of his bitcha$$ness. Even though Puffy coined the phrase nationwide, he was RIGHT when applying it to "Que" on "Making The Band" - his behavior was like Exhibit A of a bitcha$$ man. Really, most of that group's behavior was. Crying, whining, acting like divas, yelling and spazzing out - all acting like high school girls. If u want a good indicator of EXTREME BITCHA$$NESS, watch the past two seasons of "Making The Band". Or type "bitcha$$ness" into the search on youtube. If you even THINK a guy is being bitcha$$ - get away from him. One time may be a misunderstanding. 2-3 times...that sucka's a bitcha$$.

Jem: This really went from what to reveal in a relationship to what's a bitchass! I knew I could count on you, SUpreme.

Now, we'll have to talk about these moody women later. That's a whole lotta generalizing right there.