ASK A DUDE: Lessons in Life, Love and Poop

Bianca: Dude?

Dude: B?

Bianca: What would you do if on your first over night date, a girl went in your bathroom and took a righteous dump? What if she was in there groaning and moaning. then came out like 'hey sup? wanna do it?'

Dude: I'm not going to lie...that has happened to me.

Bianca: This is why I come to you.

DUDE: Recently too. That's the sad thing..earlier this year...and it wasn't all that moaning and groaning...type of thing. But (in an ‘intimate moment) she came out talking about..."Just when I was ready I had to take a shit" See..she didn't have to tell me that. I was so uninspired...I couldn't get the boy up on my own. See..she just didn't have to tell me that.

Bianca: Um, but you still got it up, eh?

DUDE: She ‘’did some oral things”.. got it up.. started hitting it. Then she flipped over, and from the back I could only envisioned her taking a shit. I Died down again..
I was sooooooooooooooooo turned off. I have never lost a woody like that before...but she really fukked my head up with that.

Bianca: Yea, sounds tragic.

DUDE: Yeah...she wonders why we never did it again or why I’ve never been back
back to her place. I wasn’t attracted to her enough that she can get by with an "I had to shit" statement. You know that there are some people that you are so attracted to, that they can get away with sometimes that others cant'
She wasn’t that girl.

Bianca: Gotcha. Um so why were you having the sex with her if you weren't 'that attracted to her'??

DUDE: I was at first....but as I grew to know her, personality wise, I got turned off. but she cooked and had a real comfortable house so I liked being in her place. I just didn’t want to fukk her. But, she got horny one day.. I .. I figured I owed her sex.

Bianca: I have no words.

What have we learned here today?

1. Never assume that just because a man is around you all the time, he likes you- you’re place may just be real comfy.

2. Never assume you are cute enough to talk about your poop habits, right before doing it with a new fella.

3. Dude is nasty.