Celebrity Letters: Madonna and Angelina Jolie

Dear Madge and Angie:
I am combining your letters because I still need to eat lunch and do some hood rat stuff. I'm putting all attempts at compassion and consideration on hold for a minute to ask both of yutz exactly why do you thinking copping abandoned African kids is the new fresh? Don't get me wrong, I'm all for anything that helps the Motherland, but didn't you pass like 50-11 orphanages in the states before boarding your private planes pointed towards Malawi and Ethiopia? How about starting at home first? The fact that you travel to such lengths makes me question your motives. Like your on some Bono steeze, Nickelodeon-style. What, little black babies here at home aren't exotic enough? I'm just saying. And, while we're on the topic, if you are going to cop one like a new purse, please ask your nannies to research Dominican hair spots and barbers in your respective cities and get their hair did. If you're going to mother a black baby, just know, hair is a really big deal to us. I know Zahara can't complain yet to you Ang that her hair game is a dusty cotton ball and David can't find a way yet to tell you Madonna about his need for a fresh line and lubricant for that thirsty situation, but they will, oh they will! Goodbye.