Dear Serena…

Dear Serena,

I'm a little jealous of your ass. I mean, your donk doesn’t haunt me or give me night terrors, but when I see it, I do get a little misty at what could have been had my DNA been arranged differently.

Now, I’m no hater. I applaud anyone who can pull off a bathing suit, much less a bikini without running to toss on a sarong or a muumuu. If you got it, flaunt that shizz.

But, Serena…girl, with all the money you have, why don’t you ever wear a bikini that fits? If when you put the bikini bottom on it covers your ass, but when you step out of the water, you’re now wearing a thong instead…then the thing doesn’t fit correctly.

Please see a stylist immediately and come to terms with the reality that maybe you should go up a size.

Denial is a powerful thing.

Signed,
Only slightly jealous of your booty