Clean-up On Aisle 6

An Ohio man took out nearly $700 worth of top of the line steaks at Walmart (well, as top o’ the line as you can get for a Walmart, I reckon). Robert Jenkins rolled into the Wally, whipped out his wee-wee and whizzed all over the steak’ums.

How much you wanna bet those steaks went to the clearance section? #justsayin

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Brew News: Heather Ellis Takes Plea Deal

Heather Ellis, the Missouri student charged with assaulting two police officers after a fight that started in a Wal-Mart checkout line, has taken the plea deal.  Ellis pleaded guilty to two counts of resisting arrest and peace disturbance (charges of assaulting a cop were dropped).

Ellis could have faced 15 years in prison for the four charges she faced. She'll get 4 days behind bars and a year of probation instead. If she stays out of trouble, the charges will be sealed and the arrest won't show on her record.

Ellis waited 10 days to sign the plea deal so people would learn the truth about the incident.  She says:

"We found out from the person that I didn't break in line, that she actually broke in front of us.  We also found out that I was shoved first by Teresa Kinder. We also found out that I didn't yell or curse."

Uh, so why take the deal?

Anyway, Ellis' supporters say they are not done with this case.  They plan to continue to expose the corruption and racism in Kennett, MO.

Ellis can serve the 4 days when she's ready.  She also has to pay court costs and take anger management. It seems this whole thing stems from her popping off after being accused of line-cutting and then refused service by the cashier.  But hey, what's a sista to do?  We've all been there, right?

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WTF Files: Woman Faces 15 Years In Prison For Cutting Wal-Mart Line

Missouri college student Heather Ellis is facing 15 years in prison for cutting a line at a local Wal-Mart.  Ellis was in the store three years ago with her cousin.  They split up for find the shortest line (haven't we all done that?) and since her cousin was in the shorter line, Heather joined him. That’s when things popped off.  The clerk accused Ellis of cutting the line.  Naturally, they got to arguing and police were called.

Ellis was charged with disturbing the peace, trespassing and assaulting a police officer. After she refused to sign a plea deal, felony charges were filed against her.  Ellis goes on trial on November 15th.

The case has led to threats and protests... and even a direct threat from the KKK.

If you want to join the cause to help Heather Ellis, go to SaveHeatherEllis.com for more information.

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Brew News: Man Slaps Kid in Wal-Mart

A Georgia man will be sitting out the Labor Day bbq thanks to his actions in a Wal-Mart. 61 year old Roger Stephens was charged with first-degree cruelty to children after slapping a child inside the store because she wouldn’t stop crying.

Police say Stephens told the child’s mother "if you don't shut the baby up, I will shut her up for you." The mother -who was in another aisle, away from Stephens- tried to calm the kid, but the 2 year old kept boo-hooing. So, Stephens allegedly grabbed the girl and slapped her 4 or 5 times across the face, then told the mother, "see, I told you I would shut her up."

Before he was arrested, Stephens apologized to the mother.

Okay, many times I’ve wanted to choke out a kid on the train or punch a toddler in the thoat on a plane, but I don’t actually do it. I just turn up my iPod and ignore the screaming spawn. Maybe someone needs to send this dude a Shuffle and some Xanax or something.

Here’s the story.

Epic Fail: Wal-Mart Won't Sell Whitney Houston?

Word on the streets is Wal-Mart may not carry Whitney Houston's new CD, I Look To You, in its stores when it drops on August 31st.

Why? Fix your faces for this one people... Miley Cyrus' album also drops on that date. Wal-Mart has a huge deal with the screeching cat Cyrus to carry her new clothing line with BCBG designer Max Azria. That clothing line also debuts on August 31st. So, the oppressive retailer may only carry Houston's album online. The rumor is Wal-Mart doesn't want the diva's new release to interfere with Cyrus' buzz.

So, is Wal-Mart trying to put a damper on the diva's comeback? Or, are they simply protecting their interests by pushing to drive Miley to debut at #1?

Personally, I'd rather listen to a cat meow all night, while having a root canal (sans anesthesia), while rats chew off my eyelids than listen to anything Miley sings. But that's just me.

What's your call?

Screeching Cat Gets Clothing Line

I thought I already had 100 reasons to hate shopping at Wal-Mart. Now, here’s a bona fide 101: actress and cat-screeching singer (imagine my finger quotes) Miley Cyrus is reportedly partnering with BCBG designer Max Azria on a juniors line to be sold at Wal-Mart. You know, Max is the man who reinvigorated the Herve Leger bandage dress that everybody and their momma has worn on the red carpet lately.

Surely, discount retailers are making a killing among recessionistas, but why Lord why does the great Max Azria have to pimp a line with this gum-transplant needing girl?

The line will include separates, tees, shoes and accessories. All items will be priced below $20 and sold exclusively in Wal-Mart (that store kinda makes me itch) this August.

It doesn’t hurt that Wal-Mart is also sponsoring Miley Cyrus’ tour which starts in September.

Please don’t let them start running commercials… I can’t take this child’s voice.