Want Bigger Boobs? Call On God's Hand...

If you want to get your tittay meat on Amy Winehouse status, then check out this Chinese product called "God’s Hand." It's an inflatable bra that boosts you to a B cup, C or even a D.

Translation...for those who don't speakadalanguish:

Man:
Is her, Is her, her is her AGAIN! she is the same, just that a breast size is different!


Woman:
When I go to the office, I adjust to B cup. Pretty in every sense!
When I hit the streets, I adjust to a C cup. I bedazzle all the people around me!
When I party, I adjust to a D cup. Hot and Fiery!


Man:
B, C, D THREE DIFFERENT SIZES

Didn't Reebok already do this with a shoe? I'm just sayin'...

As Seen on TV: Mr. T's FlavorWave Oven

Take dat George Foreman!



Only three payments of $39.95! Where's my checkbook?

Brew TV: Oprah Talks To Whitney

Calling it her best interview yet... Oprah leaked a bit of her 2-part interview with Whitney Houston. The interview will kick off Oprah's new season on Monday.

Houston told O that she didn't get out of her pajamas for 7 months during her drug-filled lows. While she doesn't blame ex-hubby Bobby Brown for her ills, she does say she tried to make herself "smaller to fit in a marriage so the man could be bigger."

Ultimately, it was her mother who said enough was enough.



Oprah says there's not a question that Whitney didn't answer.

My DVR is set!

Depressed TV: "Hoarders"

Is anyone watching this show on A&E?

"Hoarders" is one of those train wreck shows you watch in disgust but you can't look away. It makes you wanna hurl while grabbing the nearest trash bag and throwing everything away.

I find myself watching the show and letting out audible uh uhs and no ma'ams when nastiness appears on the screen... like the woman who eats expired chicken broth and rotting cabbage because she says she has a "cast iron stomach!"

Now, I occasionally have one too many papers on a desk or I forget about the peaches I bought last week. But damn! I'm not living amongst cat poop and rotting meats.

These hoarders have obvious psychological problems that go beyond any mayhem and foolishness you'd find on an episode of "Clean House." Many of these people are in total denial that they have a hoarding problem. One woman said she doesn't hoard, she SAVES stuff.

But my favorite episode of this train wreck? The "Jennifer & Ron; Jill" episode.

Hoarding expert to Jill: "You've got a lotta flies in here, is something rotting?"

Jill to hoarding expert: "No, not in THIS room."

Now, I'm wondering if these 20 yogurts I got on special for 8 bucks makes me a hoarder?!?



I quit! White Jesus, help us all.

I'd better hurry up and get married before I become the crazy cat lady.

Catch "Hoarders," Mondays at 10 pm (ET) on A&E (then go throw some things away)!

McNabb Pitching Pancakes

This has to be the funniest thing I've seen on TV in a long time...well, today.

Donovan McNabb is the pitchman for IHOP. Better than breeding dogs, huh?
Oops. Did I say that?

Keep Your Eye on The Girl!

This is why little girls are da debbil!

Jay-Z Ad For Rhapsody

Check out Jay-Z's new spot for Rhapsody. The music service is offering an exclusive listen to some of Jay's new tracks on its website.

In the ad, he recreates every album cover in a matter of seconds (with some help, of course).

HOTTTTT!!!



Too bad his entire Blueprint 3 disc has already leaked on these here internetz before its September 11th release date!

Ah well... enjoy the commercial.

Brew News: Sawyer + Couric = Ladies' Night

Aww shucks... there'll be a meeting in the ladies' room come next year!

ABC's Charlie Gibson is leaving his post as anchor of "World News" at the end of the year. He'll be replaced by Diane Sawyer. That means, there'll be two women anchoring nightly newscasts in 2010 (Sawyer and CBS' Katie Couric) and just one man (NBC's Brian Williams...who has the craziest spray tan ever!).

Gibson decided to step down after talks with the head honcho at ABC. That newscast routinely finishes second in ratings to Williams.

We asked Katie how she feels about the swap... here's her response.

Kidding!

As Seen On TV: Reptile Goes For Da Nuts!

Note to TV reporter: Keep yo' eye on the jumping animals because the snake is under control!

As Seen On TV: Snuggie For Your Pooch

This is not a joke people. The Snuggie lives on!

What will they think of next?

Emmy Loves The Grown & Sexy

Any other day, I'd be willing to murder the phrase "grown and sexy" but it really applies to this year's list of Emmy nominees.

Emmy is loving herself some mature women! Does that mean Emmy is on Team Ellen? Anyway, I digress.

Take a look at some of the women who made this year's list of outstanding actresses. Many of the nominees are over the age of 40!

Take that you young non-acting tramps!

Outstanding Lead Actress In A Comedy Series The New Adventures Of Old Christine
Julia Louis-Dreyfus (48)

Weeds
Mary-Louise Parker (44)

Outstanding Lead Actress In A Drama Series
Brothers & Sisters
Sally Field (62)

The Closer
Kyra Sedgwick (43)

Damages
Glenn Close (62)

Law & Order: SVU
Mariska Hargitay (45)

Saving Grace
Holly Hunter (51)

Outstanding Lead Actress In A Miniseries Or A Movie
Coco Chanel
Shirley MacLaine (75)

Grey Gardens
Jessica Lange (60)

Prayers For Bobby
Sigourney Weaver (59)

And a special shout out to Chandra Wilson and Vanessa L. Williams who were both nominated (Chandra pulled in 2 nods)!

For a complete list of nominees, click here.

Today Show Goes Down In Flames

Who is booking the Today Show these days? Really, can a sista get that job?

The producer honchos over at NBC booked Karrine "Superhead" Steffans this morning to talk about her new book, The Vixen Manual: How to Find, Seduce & Keep the Man You Want. And Hoda Kotb was appropriately dressed for a good hoedown with that scarf on too!

So, let’s get this straight, Superhead is now the woman in charge of imparting the knowledge to the sisterhood on how to find Mr. Right? Uh, ‘scuse me? Let me go jump out the window right.friggin’.now!

Two posts about Superhead in the same day? And she's kinda making sense? Let’s all go repent.

As Seen On TV

Have we gotten so fat and lazy as a country that we can’t even wipe our own asses? Check out this infomercial that’s trolling around the internet.




The Comfort Wipe lets you wipe your rear with, I guess, comfort. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never been uncomfortable wiping mine. It’s sorta, a fact of life. You poop, you wipe. And if you’re Terrence Howard, you poop then baby wipe.

If you buy this marvel of patenting, you get a bonus deal, something called a “Get A Grip.” Wow! Do a Shamwow and a Snuggie come with it?

Now, I understand if you’re infirmed and you need some help reaching back there. But come on, you know as well as I, that some lazy mofo is ordering this in 3…2… because reaching around to his ass makes him sweat like Whitney Houston.

Here’s my question, what happens if you shart and you get some of the sticky green on the pole? You know there was always a little poop that could wind up on your hand.

I’m just sayin’…