High Holiday: 4/20

Happy 4/20! For all you squares, four-twenty is slang from the sticky icky subculture. The "high" holiday got started in California back in 1971 when a group of teenagers met every day after school at precisely 4:20pm to spark one. I never knew a weed head to be that precise about anything except the type of snack they wanted when the munchies kicked in! The last time I tried to indulge, my best friend found me in the living room sticking my fingers in my ears taumbout I was trying to turn down the TV! Then we started taking turns posing like the artwork in the house! Needless to say that was my tenth first and last time trying to play Smokey from Friday, but hey we Witches don't judge, so puff puff pass if you will! Just stay out of the chicken coop, son!

A Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Waste: Case #4876

*Sigh*...this next post has a lot of ignorance and cornballs in it so please bear with me. I guess Soulja Boy and some other rapping dude named Arab who I never heard of pooled their new money together to buy rapper and dark-skinned allergen Young Berg's chain that was jacked a while back in Detroit. Not sure if this is the start of a beef between these some subpar rappers but really who cares? I beg Soulja Boy (@souljaboytellum) to stop "shooting YouTube up" and buying a bunch of nonsense and read an investment book beyatch!

Brew Bits: Lil Wayne's Sentence Postponed

So all that partying was for nuthan...nuthan (© Bernie Mac). Looks like Octodad 
won't be going to the clink until March 2nd now. The rapper was supposed to 
start serving a year sentence for gun possession today. He showed up to 
court with his lawyer and a cracked a tooth that must undergo
dental surgery first. I pity the dentist who has to work on that grill! 
Here's video of Wayne leaving court.

Source

Dirty Dancing Part Deux....

"Nobody puts Baby in a corner..." (© Dirty Dancing, 1987) Well if Baby lived in Peru they'd be trying to blow her back out on a hard ass dance floor! Patrick Swayze is probably doing the Cha Cha Slide high above over this Brewshyt dance craze South American. Tight jeans, dry humping and sweat is recipe for angst and itch! I feel like I've swallowed the red pill and landed in the stank whore vortex. Check it....

Brew Bits: Once you go black....

We have a ban on Kim Kardashian and her slutty siblings here on the Brew but I had to break "ho"tocol for a minute to post this Brewshyt right chere. Kim and Khloe recently appeared on the Howard Stern Show to talk about why they only date black men. They say it's because of their big asses which black guys love. They admitted that their dad did not want them to date black men because he thought they'd get OJ'd. You may remember their late father was a part of OJ's dream team that got him off for killing his wife and friend (yeah I said it!). These Brewchies are dumb as a bag of rocks. I want to line Reggie Bush and Lamar Odom up and smack the shyt out of both of their asses!
Here's the audio:

G-Damn!

Speaking of Diddy. One of his victims former artists G-Dep has risen from whatever back alley 
he's been chillin in to talk about life and the come up. During an interview with Ms. Drama 
(@msdrama) Dep admits being addicted to PCP and says while he still gets "down" from time to 
time he's basically trying to stay clean and make a rap come back. G-Dep says he hasn't spoken to 
Loon who is busy making pilgrimages to Mecca and whatnot so I guess it's hard to catch up to a 
brother. "Special Delivery" stays on my Ipod rotation but this video just gave me a case of the sads. 
Damn @iamdiddy you've got like the reverse Midas touch or sumpthin'. I don't even want to shake 
your hand, I might lose my house! I used to think "Bad Boy" was the flyest name for a label. 
It's a curse fo sure! Cassie (@cassieventura) ....run to the light!

Brew Bits: Got a big EGO?

Get ready to move that live waterfall picture from above your Ikea couch...Alter Ego shoots are coming to the hood! Now you can have that Real Houswives steeze with your very own 100 x 120 framed photo of you as a librarian and freak! Derek Blanks is somewhere clutching his pearls about this!!! This studio is in the Washington, DC area but "google" for a studio near you.

Punks Jump Up To Get Beat Down: Case #45654 La Neighbor Loco

Is this Bangin' in Little Rock? Seems like neighbors of the Heene family are getting sick of the bloodsucking media outside their surburban doors searching for more balloon. The hardest on the block bucked up...and this here friends is where he learned don't fug with the cameraman!
Check it!

The You, Me and He Chronicles

Usher a.k.a. Xi took a break from collecting residuals from The Gods Must Be Crazy to report on some craziness at his crib. The Brew gave you the scoop last week's when word spread that TaMANka reportedly showed up at his mama's house actin' a fool and scratchin' his ride with her cougar claws? We'll we've got the 911 tapes. Check under the skirt!
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Striving for Street Cred: Case #4543 Soujah Boy Book 'Em

Does this bama have a new album coming out or something? Word on the curb is that the bird-chested rhymer got arrested last night for running from the po po. It all started when officers arrived at an abandoned house in Henry County, Georgia. About 40 young people were inside reportedly shooting a video. Souljah fled the scene but was arrested when he tried to return to his typical black peoples status car Range Rover. The 19-year-old rapper whose real name is Deandre Cortez Way was taken to jail then released. DUMAS!

Source

Tameka: Soujah Girl Tell 'Em

I'm all about reading between the lines and methinks Meek Meek's latest scribe is taking aim at Usha! He is reportedly holding off on signing divorce papers. Could he be that desperate for fooder to boost record sales after his latest flop? Is he selling out like she claims? Why does he look like Xi from The Gods Must Be Crazy? So many questions!

To be or not to be…but at what cost? It’s almost inconceivable the lengths that some artists & entertainers feel obligated to go to keep themselves in the headlines. The prioritization of fan base over God, family, morals, and over just plain ol’ fashioned common sense is an example of that remarkable distance. I think it’s important to understand the premise of letting a character that’s been created for fans drown out who you really are. One easily can become a zombie, while the people who love them waste away looking for the sea salt. It becomes so easy to sell your soul to the entertainment business while creating an illusion of grandeur. Hence, this painfully obvious thirst for relevance that completely overshadows sensibility. Thirsty much?

When I started in this business over 14 years ago, I was a stylist (fashion) for many well-known artists both upcoming and platinum selling, I never imagined the atmosphere would become this cloudy or eerie. I was trying to define the images of young hopefuls who thought “my way” would set them apart from the masses. Often dorky and clunky, trying to find themselves in defiant color schemes, wrongly combined textures and overworked fashion techniques. Although, consumers see the finished product but are remiss as to what goes into the development. It isn’t always a graceful process. Silly belts, headgear and nervously popped collars often highlighted a level of awkwardness in identity. I’ve watched boys become men and helped boys become men. Yet this identity crisis that hovers over much of the entertainment world is like a crimson cape of insecurity as does this obsession with being “hot” and having “followers.” While fans fixate over the lives of their idols, some celebrities have become slaves to the persona that has been created for them but rarely has anything to do with who they are. Shock value. Publicity stunts. Peddling relationships like a vagabond for a few hundred double clicks on their fans favorite blog sites.

Who are they really?

Some of your favorite artists were born into the industry or should I say “grandfathered” into it and never got the chance to figure it out. Driven by vicarious dreams of demanding managers/labels, artists are a “what” not a “who.” Their “what” is the gross, their “who” is the net. Artists get whatever is left of themselves after the world takes its share. It all reminds me of a scene from the film “The Devils Advocate” where souls were sold for money, class, and status.

The mirrors have definitely become smoky. So much in fact that it makes it hard for one to decipher reality from the facade. Is it Live or Memorex? Even the public should recognize the #FF (fame fanatics) who go to such great lengths to garner attention ranging from publicity ploys, outlandish stage outfits, sex tapes, head shaving, public grand standing, picture leaks and throwing tantrums. From vintage concepts of dating shows in hopes of finding a soul mate (huh? #wheredotheydothatat) to trying to hit Billboard Charts by any means necessary. Surely, the fans know better than to think what flows from “the pen” of any writer embodies the details of another human’s deepest and true desires. Sadly, men singing about love, politics, marriage, children or anything genuine and benevolent equates to album sales flop, mundane chatter and waning popularity. It takes a song about disparaging all the aforementioned just to get accolades and spins on the radio. Unlike a mathematical equation the negative induces the positive. The need to placate fans puts artists at their mercy, leading to maniacal decisions. But I guess desperate times call for desperate measures. I digress….

Nowadays some artists, entertainers, producers and even songwriters are going as far as buying magazine covers and paying photographers to follow them like paparazzi. It’s called #stayingrelevant. I say amass the fortune, help others and bump the fame, but that sentiment is not often shared. The fame, notoriety, popularity and prestige i.e. “the Light” for some is parallel to a drug. So much self-value is encompassed, without it life to them has little worth. Is it life imitating art or art imitating life?

Before the tirades and “smoke and mirror-esque” themes, when music actually made sense, even a mere decade ago, it was something we created memories with, celebrated, made and raised our kids to. It embodied our diverse cultures, experiences, and gave others a peek into our soulful worlds. Yet there are many like Lauryn, Mary J, Common and others that are non-conformists. They have never compromised themselves, their sexuality nor their art, yet they remain timeless. Although standing in “the Light’ has had its costs for all, selling one’s soul for relevance is completely different. It makes one wonder the cost of buying it back. I believe that many of these artists today lack the confidence in self that proves to be true staying power. Where there is absolute talent, no drama, no controversy, no nonsensical angles are needed. Its called: Do what God gave you the talent to do and leave the shenanigans to vaudeville and the games to Milton Bradley.

For those naysayers, I don’t feel the need to run down my list of qualifications or validate myself, or point out the careers I have funded, started, saved, and salvaged. Yet I will say to those that create diversions for relevancy...to stop, save face, don’t listen to those that benefit more from their advice to you, and ask God for suitable guidance. In the meantime don’t feel inclined to do anything that isn’t organic. At this point, I think I may start my own trending topic #betruetoyourself.

Those that actually KNOW me, know how I love a quote that is apropos, so as Dr. Seuss wrote:

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

This Isn't Magnificent....

The "Biggest Boss" a.k.a. Officer Ricky busted his ass on stage recently. Did he slip on his tittay sweat? Did that little mini me BIG ASS CHARM scream out in pain? Why was his boy holding on to him for dear life? Where's Tia? So many questions?

I hate to see what 50 Cents going to do with this one....

Brewpic of the day: Mammy's Cupboard

What in the Cainriverslaveharriettubman hell is going on here? No peeps you didn't jump aboard a time travel machine that swooshed you back to the 1800's...this ignant ish right here is alive and well and situated along highway in Mississippi. You know, home of the Confederate Flag and one of the lowest performing education systems in the nation. Really not in the mood for this Brewshyt! Someone needs to put this Mammy out of business, stat!

What next?

While ignants in Kanye's hometown of Chicago were beating each other over a street they mama don't pay taxes on, Ye's boo Amber was getting a lip piercing. I wonder does she wake up and think, WTF am I going to do to myself today? If I see any chicken head in the club rockin' a blonde baldy and a lip piercing, I'm going to go postal, stat! For more pictures of Kamber head to Bossip!

Cornball Corner: He wants that old thing back....

I'm confused. Did the Kardashian sisters make a pact to pack only dark meat in their donks? I don't get it. Word on the curb is that the Armenian Ass is back boinkin' Reggie Bush. After her brother's sister Khloe's wedding to Lamar Odom Sunday, Kim reportedly drove to the "clear port" and hopped on a plane to the N.O. to see her old boo. Off course she called the paps first to make sure they caught her and her wack ass Todd 1 sweatsuit. What does she do again? Does the hoody over her head give her street cred once she touches down? Where is her suitcase roller? So many questions. Reginald you and your chin strap beard are sitting in the Brew's Cornball Corner for this ish right here!

Brew Bits: Goin' to the Chapel....UPDATE

Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom reportedly will become groom and groom today in front of 250 guest at a private Bel Air mansion in a fugazi $1 million ceremony courtesy of E!. Word on the curb is that Lamar's ex and BM, Lisa Morales, is not happy about today's nuptials and said her kids will NOT be a part of this hot mess of matrimoney (ironic typo). The pre-nup has not been worked out yet so they may just crip walk down the aisle today for shyts and giggles and get married after the details have been worked out. Lamar just signed a $30 million dollar contract with the Lakers so he better make sure his ish is tight because Daddy Jenner needs some more nip/tuck action and might be eyeing his new step-son-in-law's benjamins! Speaking of tight faces, peep last night's rehearsal dinner if you care.

Dirty Birdies!

A wild band of hooligans (old school but it works!) is caught on camera going on a rampage in the neighborhood. Now the po po is on the hunt for the gang who were last seen rocking a lot of feathers and webby feet! Click to see these birds bangin' in Little Rock! They better be careful before Mrs. Patel whips up some curry seasoning on their ass!

Bear With Me....

A San Francisco man faces charges after he snuck into the Grizzly Bear exhibit at the San Francisco Zoo. A witness told the zoo workers that they 27-year-old had breached the barrier to the Bears playpen. Staffers fired a warning show to distract the bears before securing them and then pulling the man to safety. He was unconscious but unhurt. Police charged him with trespassing. Did this dude think he was going to find Winnie the Poo up in that mofo?

Whooties Strike Again!

This ish right here stinks to high Heaven and now we may know why. Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian will tie the knot of propaganda this Sunday. Baller Alert has all the details but we also reported on this odd pairing earlier this week. Lamar reportedly wants to get married before the season starts BUT word on the curb is that E! is reportedly paying thousands for the nuptials for an upcoming episode of a spinoff show in the works based on Khloe and Lamar. Got all that? Khloe reportedly signed a pre-nup and Lamar invited several of his baller buddies by PHONE. Think of the gene pool on this one! Her chin! Your receding hairline. The height of both of youts. There is still time to pull out! Where's White Jesus when you need him? SMH...

Brew Tube: Dyin' for a Donk!

Okay, I'm donkless. Growing up, this breakdancer once called me "bankboard butt" in front of a group of dudes and I still have nightmares about his underbite havin' ass! My dink has gotten a little plump since those days and I'm okay with that. I do what I can in the gym and that's good enough for me. What I'm not going to do is damn near die trying to be Buffie the Body! That's exactly what these chicks on Tyra did. They went to a kitchen magician who injected a solution into their cheeks. Both ended up in I.C.U. close to death. One girl's organs shut down, they peed purple for days and one girl even had to wear a pamper. Now they can't sit for long periods of time. Really? It's not that serious boo. I blame Sir Mix-a-Lot for this foolishness!

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