Cheaters: Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon Edition

Jumpoffs are having the best year ever! Add Fancy’s Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon’s husband, Mike, to the list of this year’s cheaters. Garcelle found out her man has been cheating for 5 of their NINE year relationship. And to top it off, she put his arse on blast in an email to his colleagues!

Subject: “Tiger Woods/Jesse James/Mike Nilon”

Text: “What do they have in common . . . I found out today that MY husband of almost 9 yrs has been having an affair for 5 yrs with some slut in Chicago. I am devastated!!!! And I have been duped!! Our boys don’t deserve this!” 

Gangsta!

Ladies, would you put a cheating man on blast at his job?

Source

Tiki Is Triflin’

Former footballer turned pseudo NBC correspondent Tiki Barber is the latest “celeb” type to go rogue in his marriage. The former NY Giant dumped his 8 month preggo wife of 11 years for a 23 year old intern at NBC.

Barber’s wife, Ginny (that's her on the left), is expecting twins. She reportedly found out he was cheating late last year. Sources say Tiki traveled overseas on a shoot with the intern last year while his wife was 3 months pregnant. Word is Tiki’s daddy was a peen diddler who cheated on his wife as well… hmm, apple doesn’t fall far huh?

The Barbers (who were college sweethearts) have 7 and 6 year old sons and have been together for 16 years.

Despicable!

Source

Naomi Enraged By Cheating?

So, lemme get this straight: Naomi Campbell is the side chick for Russian billionaire Vladimir Doronin, who is still married and, by all accounts, in an open marriage. Now, Naomi knows this. I mean, she posed for pics with his wife and daughter, after all.

But, Naomi still popped off yesterday on her driver Miodrag Mejdina (who also works for Doronin) because he wouldn’t tell her whether Doronin was cheating on her.  The driver is not pressing charges… although Naomi hit him so hard from the backseat that his face met the steering wheel. So, cops don’t need to bring her in for questioning. And again, Naomi escapes scot-free.

So, if your “man” is married, do you really have the right to go off about cheating? Maybe I’m too traditional, but something seems a little off with that rationale.

Source

Do You Expect Cheating If You're Dating A "Wanted" Dude?

Funny man Affion Crockett is speaking out on the Tiger Woods drama.  Affion's usually a funny dude but in this case, he kinda makes you go "hmmm."  Over at GlobalGrind, Affion blogged his take on why some men cheat and what women can do about it.  Read along...

PEOPLE ALWAYS ASK ME ABOUT MY THOUGHTS ON THE TIGER WOODS SAGA, BECAUSE WE'RE BOTH BLACKISH-ASIANISH n*ggas.  THE ONLY 'PC' THING I'LL SAY ABOUT IT IS HE SHOULDN'T HAVE CHEATED ON HIS WIFE...BECAUSE INFIDELITY IS WRONG.

OK, NOW MY REAL THOUGHTS.  LADIES, SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO CHALK UP THAT 'L' AND CHARGE IT TO THE GAME. I UNDERSTAND, IT'S AN EMOTIONAL BLOW WHEN THE MAN YOU LOVE HAS WILD MONKEY SEX WITH 12, 14, (f*ck IT, I LOST COUNT) SIDE CHICKS.  BUT THE POWER IS IN YOUR INITIAL CHOICE.

IF YOU WANT A MAN WHO ISN'T A TARGET FOR FOR 'HOT PANTS PENIS COLLECTORS', WHO COMES HOME ON TIME, AND TALKS ABOUT HIS DAY AT WORK... TRY THE POST OFFICE.  MOST OF THEM DUDES ARE TOO TIRED TO SLEEP AROUND, FROM WALKING ALL DAMN DAY.  EVEN THOUGH SOME OF THEM HAVE SOME SIDE CHICKS ON THEIR ROUTE. BUT I DIGRESS..

TIGER IS A 'ILLIONAIRE' ICONIC SPORTS LEGEND.  HE'S DRENCHED WITH AN AROMA OF FAME THAT TURNS VAGINAS INTO GEYSERS.  IF HE DIDN'T HAVE SIDE CHICKS, WE SHOULD ALL LOOK UP TO SEE IF THE SKY IS FALLING.  CHRIS ROCK SAID 'A MAN IS AS FAITHFUL AS HIS OPTIONS'.  I'M SURE TIGER HAD OPTIONS THAT INCLUDED THE LIKES OF ALIEN BOOTY.

I DON'T MEAN TO BE INSENSITIVE, LADIES, BUT I MUST TELL YOU THE TRUTH.  KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SIGNING UP FOR WHEN YOU DATE A 'WANTED' DUDE.  WITH ALL THE 'b*tch DEBRIS' FLYING AT THE WANTED MAN LIKE AN ASS-TEROID SHOWER, HE'S BOUND TO GET HIT IN THE PENIS.

I'M SURE I'LL GET SOME HATE FILLED SENSITIVE COMMENTS FOR THIS, BUT KEEP IN MIND I'M A COMEDIAN.. NOT DR. PHIL. SO I'LL HELP YOU IN ADVANCE... f*ck AFFION CROCKETT.  I LOVE YOU, LADIES... NOT YOU, HOES.

Affion Crockett aka "OSKAMiLL"

Aside from giving Kanye "King of ALL CAPS" West a run for his money, do you think Affion makes a point here?  Do you agree/disagree? Is he asking women to "settle"?  What's your call?

Anti-cheating Panties?

Ok, Brew Men, if you could buy your wife some panties and use them to prove she's cheating, would you?

Turns out thousands of you would if given the chance.  A company called Forget Me Not Panties launched a website selling $100 panties with a built-in GPS that will monitor the location of your wife, girlfriend or daughter... 24 hours a day.

Here's the sales pitch:

Well, the site is a hoax.  The people behind the hoax claim a million people visited the site in about a month.  Thousands of men actually tried to order the panties.  And, in true "return the favor" form, women emailed the site asking for Forget Me Not Boxers.

If you suspect your partner is cheating... they usually are!

I'm just sayin'... It don't take Maury to figure that isht out.

The 10 Jumpoff Commandments

I was scanning the internetz this weekend when I came across this gem from Tazz Daddy's blog.  He calls it the "10 Jumpoff Commandments."  These were written in response to all of the celebs (read: atheletes) who've gotten themselves in trouble because they followed their peens instead of better judgement. 

1. Thou Shalt NOT marry until retirement

While some may not agree with this, if there’s no marriage, there’s nothing a Jumpoff can hang over your head. No Blackmail, no press conferences, no cut and bleached clothing, and most importantly, no GIVING UP 1/2 of EVERYTHING YOU WORKED FOR! Moreover, if the Jumpoff does video tape you or go to the press, people will cheer you as a hero and file her in the Jumpoff category

2. Thou Shalt Wear Condoms at ALL TIMES

I shouldn’t have to say this, but too many dudes in the industry wind up with unnecessarySTD’s, Paternity suits and (in some cases) subsequent Baby Mama Drama if you would use a flipping condom. You would think you’d learn something from people like Magic Johnson, Easy-E and 50 Cent. Death and Paying ridiculous sums of money are not worth a quick nut.

3. Thou Shalt Deal with Age Appropriate Jumpoffs

Don’t think that banging a young Jumpoff is not a big deal? Ask R. Kelly. He banged a 14 year old and pissed on her on tape and…. Nothing Happened. Okay. Bad Example. Look at Former President Clinton’s run-in with Monica Lewinsky and the nonsense that David Letterman is going through from banging interns. You can’t go through one news cycle without hearing about it. Yes, all of these people are still mega-rich but YOU’RE NOT THEM, so deal with women who are mature enough to play their position.

4. Thou Shalt Not Put a Jumpoff Before Your Money!

I know that some of these Jumpoffs are so good in the sack that you want to revisit them and that’s okay. You can’t allow them to get into your head and have your nose open where you’re shirking your responsibilities. Trust me, the Jumpoff will always be there as long as your career is popping.

5. Thou Shalt Not Sleep with Superhead

Two Books, countless videos and TV appearances where she dogs out your peers, but for some reason you still want to mess around with this crazy broad?!? WTF? Do you not remember what she did to Eddie Winslow? (Yes I know his real name but no one cares) Superhead said he left his “Butt Beads” at her house and what does he do? He MARRIES HER! Which brings me to Number 6

Taste The Brew to read the rest.

Read more »

Why Thinking With Your Little Head Makes You An Idiot

...and jobless!

ESPN baseball analyst Steve Phillips was fired last night... just a week after admitting he had an affair with a production assistant. In typical "I'm going to rehab to fix myself" fashion, Phillips is now going to a treatment facility "to address his personal issues."

WHATEVER!

Phillips' put his peen in a 22 year old subordinate while his wife was at home with the kiddies. That's his "personal issue."  After he broke it off, the assistant went straight up boilin' bunnies Fatal Attraction/Long Island I might shoot your wife in the face Lolita on this dude. Calling the wife, showing up at the house and trying to contact his teenage son via Facebook. The wife has now filed for divorce. Good on her!

The production assistant has also been fired by the network.

I know affairs are rarely as simple as "looks" and are often about what need that person fulfills within you, but dammit-hey, if you cheat on me, that bish better be on some Gisele Bundchen, Halleluyah Berry, Salma Hayek type steeze.

I'm just sayin'...

Source

Blackberry App For Cheaters

Alert! Alert! All you cheaters.  Now there's an app for your BlackBerry that lets you hide your little black book.

"BlackBook" allows you to keep some of your contacts completely hidden, accessible only by entering a customizable password. The application doesn't even have an icon, so you'll never see it on the phone.  You have to use a secret key-combination to access the top-secret list.

Oh, but get this, cheaters, terrorists and infidels (I mean, who else is keeping secrets on their own phones?), the app lets you filter calls, texts, PIN conversations, emails and allows you to customize your caller IDs with aliases.  Now that's some Jack Bauer isht right there.

Source

Online Cheaters

Marriage counselors say you folks aren't only on these innerwebs to read this blog!  Some of yous is cheatin'!

Experts say the internet has removed boundaries, allowing relationships to flourish in ways they never have before. The affairs start off slow then develop over time, just like an old-fashioned courtship. And what's to blame for all this (aside from wicked wandering eyes)? The boom in social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace.

Social networking sites let users reconnect with old flames and long lost crushes. Many spouses would flip out if they knew their partners where IM'ing and chatting up with old lovers. But, they don't know because it's happening online.

Nearly half of Americans use social networking technology.

So, would you flip out of you found out your significant other was communicating with his/her old flame online? Do you set boundaries against those old connections? Is reaching out to an ex harmless or cheating? What's your call?

Source

Cheaters Never Win

So many things are wrong with this...

A) His tittays are bigger than mine

B) And I'm kinds jealous of those D cups

C) Why is the cousin always the ride-or-die bish?

D) If the hotel towels won't wrap around you, it's time to call Jenny

E) When a man cheats, is it really worth it to bring a camera crew along?

F) Aren't you demeaning yourself in the process?

G) You got kids??? Kids can Google!

H) If she was a stripper, shouldn't she want her face uncensored? I mean, all publicity is good publicity in certain professions, right?

I) And after all this, you know they're back together and on baby #3 (his titty meat is probably a G cup by now, so he does all the breast feeding)

John Edwards: You ARE The Father

Somebody get Maury on the phone, stat! Disgraced former North Carolina Senator John Edwards is reportedly finna admit he is the father of Rielle Hunter's daughter. Reports surfaced last week that a DNA test proved the former presidential candidate is indeed the daddy of 18 month old Frances Quinn Hunter. Edwards confessed last summer that Hunter was his lover, but said the kid is not his daughter (*shout out to the King of Pop*). Hunter was a filmmaker on Edwards' 2008 campaign.

You may recall a long time aide to Edwards claimed he was the daddy, but then he vanished. That aide is reportedly penning a book now where he plans to snitch all Edwards' business.

Making matters worse, a grand jury is now looking into whether Edwards' campaign funds were used to pay Hunter to keep her hushed about the affair.

Tsk, tsk little Johnny.

Pitino’s Penis Gets Him In Trouble

Oooh, scandalous! Great day in the morning Louisville! Golden boy Rick Pitino was sticking his pi-teen-o in someone who wasn't his wife. And that's not even the half of it.

The Louisville basketball coach met Karen Cunagin Sypher (what a name!) at a restaurant (that's her above), then had sex with her in a leather chair at the restaurant (once the place closed, of course…I guess he has standards).

One of Pitino's assistants was reportedly lying on the restaurant's floor nearby. Ewww! Two weeks later, Sypher told Pitino she was pregnant and planned to have an abortion but didn't have health insurance. Pitino gave the woman $3,000 to pay for her "medical care." But, here's where things get, ahem, sticky. Pitino is a devout Catholic and says he did not give Sypher money to abort the baby.

News of the affair became public in April when Pitino announced someone was trying to extort him. Turns out, it was Sypher. She surrendered to police and now faces federal charges of lying to the FBI and attempting to extort $10 million from Pitino.

But, but, but, but, wait it gets worse. Last month, Sypher told the cops that Pitino had raped her at the restaurant then again several weeks later. She says Pitino "pulled the table out [and] undid his pants" while she pushed him off and screamed. The coach says hell to the naw he didn't do that. Cops say there isn't enough proof to prosecute him for rape anyway. Pitino admitted this week that they had consensual sex after Sypher come onto him "pretty strong."

Oh, but hold your hats people. Part of Pitino's contract with Louisville includes a morality clause (ruh-roh) that warns against acts of moral depravity and disparaging media publicity that damages the name of the university.

Some are speculating the scandal will hurt Pitino's ability to recruit star freshman to the school.

Tsk tsk… think with the big head, boys. Not the little one!

Excuse Me Sir, Is That Glue On Your...

A wife took the ultimate revenge on her wandering-eyed husband. No, she didn't kill him. She went for his junk... and she had help from his mistresses!

The four scorned Wisconsin women hatched a plot to glue the man's penis to his belly. Tracy Hood Davis is accused of convincing three women (Therese Ziemann, Michelle Belliveau and Wendy Sewell) to help her lure the husband to a motel where he was then tied to the bed and blindfolded. Oh, I should mention he was naked as a jaybird. So homeboy thought he was about to get him some. Old freak!

That's when the other women entered the room. One pointed a gun at him while another glued the peen to his stomach. Hide your peens cuz these broads are out on bail!

Uh, lemme remind you how serious the hold is on some Krazy Glue...

I'm just sayin'... OUCH!

Ask A Dude Roundtable: Delusions of Grandeur Much!?

(Wonder if she's sending Poont Pixels)

Your favorite Witches hosted a cyber sit down with several of the opinionated (right or wrong) fellas in our cipher and grilled them to the white meat. We're hoping these discussions can start a dialogue (In the comments section please), and foster a greater understanding between the genders. Now that you have met our dudes... let's chop it up!

Brew Q:

Double Standards: Why do men go postal on a woman if she cheats on him but if he cheats on her it’s OK and will beg for her forgiveness?

Big In Europe: First of all, cheating is NEVER right. But, as a man, let me see if I can rationalize this phenomena. Men can bathe and wash a woman off him. Women have 2 douche to do the same. Men can't get preggers. Women can. Men cheat because we are men and its nature to conquer as much pousassay, as possible, before death. Enough playing here's the real reason: Most men don't attach emotion to sex. Women do. (Theoretically, a woman can fuck someone else, fall in love and leave the person they cheated on for "something better" men most likely will never do that.)

SUpreme: I don’t know. I don’t cheat. But to offer one possible answer – cuz this is a male-dominated society, and women have long played the roles of having to accept infidelity as opposed to men having to do so. (BREW NOTE: DING DING DING! SUpreme just hit you with the heee) I will say this – because a woman’s na na is internal, NO MAN wants to think of a woman having another man INSIDE her. It’s very psychological, for both men and women. But a man – well, we extend, and probe. A woman doesn’t infiltrate us, so to speak. (Brew Note: Well now actually... sometimes, the fellas ask for that, hey who am I to judge?)

Ask A Cash: Because of our “ego” we can’t picture another name hittin' that, no matter what! The thought of it sends us over the wall. We start questioning our performance and it fucks up our psyche (what I’m sharing with you is powerful! Please don’t use it as a weapon). We start thinking if he was bigger, did he last longer, did he do oral better, did she orgasm with him and how many times…All types of “macho” shit that we just can’t take. Plus, we know that sex for women is more emotional, and for men it’s more of just a physical act. So if his girl gives her body, we question if her heart and mind are with that dude too, ESPECIALLY if the questions (see above) all work in his favor.

Rev Real: Simple…male ego. Women expect men to cheat, guys expect women to be faithful. Men that get lots are women are heralded; women that get lots of men are considered hoes; yes, there is a double standard. It’s as much about gender socialization as it is about what’s taboo. Most women don’t date multiple guys because they were raised to think that’s wrong, not because they don’t want to. Guys are expected to sow their oats and keep their main woman satisfied. Most can’t handle to possibility of her stepping out because it means he wasn’t doing his job. However, that changes when you get older. Once you hit 35 and you’re married, it changes though. You’re like “Did he do some new tricks? ‘Cause it’s a little late in the game to be changing the playbook. Just make sure he’s gone before I get home…and my dinner is ready!” I’m too old to get jealous and too young to go to jail. I ain’t trying to be the next Adibezi.
(Brew Note: All jokes aside, Rev Real is a pretty mutha jumpa, he’d be someone’s prison bitznitch in 2.2 second flat! Real talk, as the people say!)

Mr. Crab: I'm the exception. If I catch you cheating and I'm cheating, I can't say shit. We have to hash it out, cut the side folks off, and come out as a more fortified unit. Oh, and we have to talk about how the sex was with the other folks. (Brew Note: Mr. Crab is a freak..)

So what say you ladies?

Do you think we should continue to let men think that we fall in love at the instant their peens hit our lady spots?

Or should we stop accepting their douchy behavior as "that's just a man's way" and make them accountable for their actions?

Thoughts?

And The Plot Thickens…

UPDATE: DUI Video of Sahel 2 days before shooting:




UPDATE: Tennessee police have now confirmed that Steve McNair’s 20 year old girlfriend killed him before killing herself. Sahel Kazemi's motive may never be known but her friends say she may have been upset over financial problems and suspicion McNair was seeing someone else. Kazemi was trying, but unsuccessful, at selling her car. Her roommate was also moving out, so the rent would be all on her shoulders.

Kazemi’s family says she was sure McNair would divorce his wife. So much so, that she was planning to sell her belongings and move in with him.

Police think McNair was asleep on the couch when Kazemi killed him, then shot herself.

Word on the curb is the wife of slain former NFL quarterback Steve McNair did not know of his affair with 20 year old Sahel Kazemi.

Mike Mu, a man who has worked with McNair’s charity, says Mechelle McNair did not know who Kazemi was until she heard the young woman was found dead in the same condo as her husband over the weekend.

McNair was brutally gunned down by 4 shots (2 to his chest and 2 to the dome) and Kazemi died of a single gunshot wound to the head.


The medical examiner says the deaths were 95% likely a murder-suicide (though police have yet to announce a confirmation). Officials say Kazemi was found face down with the gun under her. The autopsy found she shot herself once and fell face down at the feet of McNair (that's tragically poetic) who was dead on the couch. Kazemi had reportedly just bought the gun used in the shooting.

Mechelle has made no public comments about the deaths but friends say she has been distraught and “in and out” of it since the shootings. Meanwhile, Kazemi’s family tells a different story. They say McNair was due to divorce Mechelle and start a new life with Kazemi.

Mechelle is the mother of two of McNair’s four sons. They married in 1997 and were reportedly on the market for a new home.

McNair will be laid to rest on Saturday in Mississippi.

Just sad all around.


Your thoughts???

Know When To Shut Up

Mark Sanford… it’s time to shut up! The South Carolina governor just can’t get enough of talking about his affair. Last week, he apologized profusely for skipping out on the state and heading south to meet his mistress (that's her in the middle). Then the e-mails between the two came out. Then he apologized AGAIN to his colleagues. Now, he’s telling the Associated Press that he and his lady friend have a “love story… a forbidden one, a tragic one, but a love story at the end of the day.”

He even admitted to getting close to other women during his marriage to his wife Jenny (that's her on the right).

Uh, sir, could you please stick a sock in it now? I mean, is this “In Treatment?” "Intervention?" What? Dude, shut up…already!

Meanwhile, Sanford’s wife –who has known of the affair for months, kicked her hubby out and demanded he never see the woman again– has gone public herself. Jenny Sanford says she doesn’t care about Mark’s political future. She just cares about the character of her children! Did you hear that Hillary, Elizabeth and Silda?

Way to go Jenny!

I’m just sayin’…

Genius Alert!

Rules of pimping...

• Don't get caught with your pants down


• Don’t snitch on yourself


• Don’t create a cover up when a well-placed lie will suffice


• And if all else fails: deny, deny, deny

Someone forgot to send South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford the pimpin’ handbook. This fool ducked out on his wife, his family, his staff and the entire state to be with his mistress in Buenos Aires. She must have the ill na-na.

The Republican admitted to having an affair with the Argentinian woman, whom he called a “dear, dear friend” that developed into something more (well, I’ll say). He had not been seen in public since June 18th and when asked about his whereabouts, his wife seemed rather nonchalant about her missing husband.

Insiders have reportedly known about the affair for 5 months. Sanford even tricked his staff into covering up the news of his absence by saying he was hiking the Appalachian Trail (uh, yeah, right). Sanford held a news conference today to come clean, apologize and beg like Keith Sweat for foregiveness. He also stepped down as head of the Republican Governors Association.

This guy was once being touted as a potential candidate for the White House. Guess that plan is awash.

When will these men learn not to think with their peens?