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Witches' Brew: July 2009

Friday, July 31, 2009

...who understands a girl with a mean shoe game!"

Jay-Z was so right! Men can act a friggedy fool. Your boss can be a passive-aggressive beyotch but fly shoes have a way of making er'thing all right! Thanks Jak & Jill for bringing these to my attention. They are the bidness :)


Kanye Types Back

Little Big Man Kayne West took to his blog today to refute reports that he called himself the next "King of Pop".
Somehow I don't think he is...

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Beer Soothes The Racial Beast: Crowley and Gates On The Road To BFF-dom.....


Well it seems "Boys and Brew" night at the White House was a success! Professor Gates is quoted as saying "There's reason to hope that many people have emerged with greater sympathy for the daily perils of policing, on the one hand, and for the genuine fears about racial profiling, on the other hand." Sounds like everyone met in the middle, took a sip of brewski and got those singles ready for a trip to "The Penthouse" Gentleman's Club on Georgia Ave in DC. ( I heard it was on Georgia Ave, I ain't never been there or nothing like that....)

See Rodney King...... yes! we can all just get along.........

Ladies Doncha Just Hate Men With Wandering Eyes......

Or worse even, men with "Cha Cha Slide" eyes like Sheree's ex-boo Bob Whitfield?????

Sheree, last night you asked the party planner who was clearly on his menses "who 'gon check me boo?" Surely not Bob, cause he can't settle them eyes still long enough to sass you or anybody else for that matter......

That is pretty trife that a man with one good working eye stopped paying the mortgage on the house his kids live in and never told you...... I would definitely call Cleveland and get Pookie and em on his ass for that mess!

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First Ever Transgender Top Model Contestant Appears on Larry King......

Boy Isis

Top Model/Girl Isis

Who can forget Isis, she made it on the show and through a few eliminations before she was cut. On Larry King she talks about her transition. This was all sparked by Chastity Bono's (Chaz) decision to become vagi-cat free.

Chastity.......( note the smidge of rouge)


It's easy to make fun but geesh it's gotta be hard to be a gender you don't wanna be. I mean I complain about having a vagi-cat, but at the end of the day, I still want it!

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The Queen Set To Return: "Stronger" Nov 24th Release Date

Not this one...... Yikes!!!

This one.....

Most people love Mary (I know there are some who think she's practicing torture techniques when she sings, but she's sooooo much better these days) and for her true Stans let me be the first to tell you.....


November 24th as of today, YES!!!!

Read More:

This is her new song 'Stronger' Featuring Chris Brown.....

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Will You Watch?: Kourtney & Khloe Take Miami.....

Only in the good ole U.S. of Asinineness can you become famous because your sister sucked the peen of a 'M' Listed Negro celebrity.

Nonetheless, Khloe is my fav Kardashian, she's just so big, overgrown and gangly all at the same time...... I just love her! I think it's cause she looks like she'd be down to make a rib run with me at 2:00 am in the morning........ She does look good with her recent weight loss though.

Anyhoo..... will you watch????

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Is NeNe Gonna Have To Choke A...

Entertainment Tonight is reporting RHoATL things are really popping off among the housewives. Raccoon wig-wearer Kim Zolciak filed a police report against NeNe Leakes. The two got into an argument during taping of the show. NeNe put her finger's in Kim's face (thankfully, not her wig) and then grabbed Kim and tried to choke her!

Kim filed a police report and was told to take pictures of any alleged injuries.

The report notes that the officer was "unable to locate the suspect at this time."

Click here to read the report!

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Kanye And The Tush?

Word on the curb is Kanye West may be at the center of the Reggie Bush/Kim Kardashian break up. We told you Monday the couple were on the rocks because of hectic work schedules that kept them apart. Well now it seems a certain Chi-town rapper may have played a bigger role. Reggie reportedly saw texases in Kim's phone from a certain Mr. West and he went all apeshit. The texts referred to a night Kanye & Kim hung out and how hot Kim is. Word is the texts got racier and Reggie went o-f-f.

So, Kanye, does this mean you're done with
Amber? We love her around these parts (in a totally non-sexual, non-lesbionic way, I mean). Oh, and we'd take Reggie too!

I'm just sayin'…

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The Camel Speaks

One of the things I love about Sir Camel and House of Dere'YouToWearIt is how private they are about their love life. I appreciate couples who can keep it under wraps and not slobber all over each other for the cameras (Bennifer? Anyone?). Well, it seems I may have to stop my love affair with the Carters. Jay-Z is rumored to be working on his autobiography where he plans to shed some light on his relationship. The book will also cover his early days slanging rocks, his legendary career in hip-hop and the stories behind his hits. But, all we wanna know about is the marriage anyway. And he's supposed to do a little dishing. There's no release date for the book, but rumors are flying that it could be the first installment in a three book deal. Is there really that much to know about the Jiggaman? Do we care?

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The Maury Files: "Wanda Sykes... You Are The Father!"

*** Wanda runs backstage (cause that's how she sees everyone do it) comes back out and grabs CiCi's booty, you know, cause she likes that kinda thing...... ***

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"Scuse Me, Can I ASS You A Question?"




Brews "Gotta Have" Gadgets: Kodak Zi8 HD Pocket Video Camera

Now in this nutso world we live in, there is plenty to capture. How many times in one day do you find yourself saying to someone "OMG you shoulda seen the man I just saw outside with his entire head shoved in a squirrel's ass!!!"?? Now, no one is gonna believe that ish, that's when you whip out this video camera like BAM!!! IN YO FACE!!! This thing is ultra cool, get one! or buy me one if you're feeling generous..... Jesus wants you to, he told me........


Rochester, NY, July 29, 2009 - Eastman Kodak Company (NYSE:EK) today announced an exciting new addition to its popular line of Digital Video Cameras – the KODAK Zi8 Pocket Video Camera, featuring a sleek design, high-quality full 1080p High Definition video capture, and built-in electronic image stabilization.

"Images and video have tremendous power to help us stay connected to family and friends," says Phil Scott, Worldwide Director of Marketing, Digital Capture and Devices and Vice President, Consumer Digital Group. "The KODAK Zi8 Pocket Video Camera makes it easy to spontaneously capture HD video – of heartwarming moments, of ‘can you believe that?' moments, and of just plain laugh-out-loud moments – and then quickly and easily share them."


In "No One Cares" News: Risky Wins Charm School.....

In layman's terms, the Black girl won.......

It came down to these 3......... a drunk, a stripper and a black girl..... DUH! this was a no brainer.....

She cried, it was emotional, I say you deserved it for the fine acting job you did pretending you liked this.......

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Some Things You Just Don't Want To Be True......


Not that I had Alicia Keys pegged as some holier than thou being who would never sleep with a married man, but well, ok Imma say it, SWIZZ BEATS LOOKS CRAZY!!!!!!! This is the husband you steal???? ok yeah he knows the formula to a beat that makes you wanna shake your jiggly ass..... ok fine, but is he stealable???

Me thinks not!

Mashonda and Swizz during happier times........

Mashonda is very open and candid about the situation.......

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Brew True Stories: Dates From Hell

I'd only been in town a few months, and was accepting invitations to any and everything. If someone would have mentioned a meeting in the Ladies Room, I woulda offered to take the minutes. So it was not odd that I found myself on a rooftop deck, enjoying a stranger filled boho-fabulous Cinco de Mayo. This is where I met-damn I don't even remember this clown's Gub'ment name. Let's call him "Creamy Corners Sexy Cellphone". I do, and you'll see why.

Anywhoo, over my cinco-ish margarita, I see homeboy making eyes at me. He's totally not my type (he reminds me of that lame they brought on, during the last season of Living Single. Mel Blackctor somethin' or other...I hate that cat). But I figure new town new rule, besides what's my 'TYPE' gotten me before? Nathan, but penetration! (Cause it never smells like'kay?!) -we exchange information.

Several days and tons of phone calls to me (seriously, I need to stress that) later, we solidify a date plan-- which he calls the very next day to reschedule. He claims has GOT to go back home (to NY) for the weekend to take care of some business. I don't know any place of business that is on and poppin' on Saturday and Sunday... but I shut my trap and say 'Okay.' He is already shifting onto my 'No, Thank You Sir' list, But trying to be a better more patient and understanding person, I agree to the new next Saturday date.

The following Monday after his weekend ''Business Meetings'' he calls and says 'felt so bad all weekend for cancelling" and has to see me stat! "Let's do lunch." Remembering the new flexible me, I agree. He meets me at my office. In his car I give him a list of at least 6 eateries in the neighborhood that are 'Me' approved-in a myriad of price ranges. I take my meals effin seriously! He ignores all of my suggestions...and pulls into the parking lot of HOPS.

When I say 'You know, I really don't drink beer, or really like the smell of it (it's a personal quirk, but if you are trying to get to know and impress me- you may want to take note of it, no?) plus I was thinking some place a little quicker.'' he ignores me and parks. Already I know it's a wrap... but I try to salvage the rest of my lunch hour and at this point get out as painlessly as possible.

As the waiter is setting up his micro brewery tasting out in front of him. His cell phone rings. He smiles. You know that smile when someone has recently laid some hellafied sexytimes on you and you see thier number in your caller ID- the smile you can't contain. Yea that's the smile. He looks like he considers not answering, but she (or don't know these days) must have dropped some Magic City stylee moves on him-... because he answers. "Heyyyyyy...." he drawls. "oooh yea I left that a your place?(giggle- THE MAN GIGGLED!) oooh man whooo..ahhh'' he mumbles a whole lot of unintelligible things and I try not to listen- but, you know.. I'm SITTING AT THE TABLE!

The waiter comes to take our food order. One would think this would be a great time for him to hang up. Nope, he covers the phone with his hand, places his order- and gestures at me to place mine. I think I said that I love food, but now I'm pissed and order the quickest thing I see- because I'm friggen starving and want to get out of there stat.

The waiter brings our salads, and dude commences to dumping damn near a bowlful of the creamiest of white dressings on his. All while still talking on the cellphone. He is now not even looking at me. Honestly, I'm stunned into silence at this point. (It is possible, to render a black woman speechless). Now he is chewing and macking in his phone...( All I can think is he must have a powerful weekday calling plan). As he murmurs sweet crazies, the residue of Ranch dressing is pooling in the corners of his mouth. It looks like he's eating a glue sandwich and I am now sick to my stomach. I put my fork down and stare at the large screen TV over his shoulder. I would stare at him in disgust, but it looks like he's having a Ranch dressing orgy and I'm seriously going to puke.

TEN MINUTES LATER This mug is still on the phone as I request the check. He looks startled and says 'Heyyyyyy let me call you back.'' I'm thinking 'please don't on my account.' He does NOT apologize for his rudeness, just keeps talking like he had not be straight phone macking 7 inches in front of me.

"I need to get back to the office." I say firmly and dryly. Looking confused and a bit hurt, he gets his food to go.
Dropping me back off at the office, my foot is out the car before he can even stop it all the way. "Hey girl, we've gotta do this again, soon..' he drawls 'sexily' then do you know this fool had the nerve to lean in FOR A KISS? And Yes, he still had some ranch residue in his corners.

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Brew Throwback: Cheryl Lynn "Got To Be Real"

Ok what's not to love about this here song? This is the song I remember my mother and her crew jumping off the couch taumbout "THIS IS MY JAM RIGHT HERE!!!" I can remember being frightened by them and thinking "man, they are OLD!".

And just look at Cheryl's thick ass lip syncing the mess outta this great song all over the "Soul Train" stage. With a full dress on that covers all her nukes and crannies..... imagine that!?

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Real Housewives of Atlanta: Who 'gon check me, Boo?

Lawdamercy where to begin with this one. Well, season 2 of the Real Housewives of Atlanta (RHoATL) premiered on Bravo last night and boy did it premiere.

First off, my boo Dwight was not in the show long enough. I was mad salty about that. But he did give a hand-job to a champagne bottle with was too much for my innocent eyes.

NeNe and Sheree mended fences with Sheree telling NeNe how much she appreciated her support and friendship (especially since Sheree is all broke and busted thanks to her deadbeat ex-hubby). NeNe still needs a bra, although the boobage appeared to be pushed up a little higher than last season.

Lisa Wu and her man are trying for baby #2. Lisa is 7 years older than Ed and she fears she won't have the energy or the viable eggs to pro-create. But, they're trying anyway. The trying is where all the fun is!

Kim went to (*hold your breath*) hair school for all of like 2 hours, to learn more about hair for this raccoon wig line she's planning.

Kandi Burruss was rolled out as the new housewife, replacing Tight Teeth. Note to Kandi: freeze curls went out in 1995. Please COMB OUT your curls so you won't look like a rooster.

For more of a recap, check Timaya's video, you won't be disappointed:

The real meat and potatoes happened during the last 10 minutes of the show. Sheree is planning some kind of independence party and, after having difficulties with her diva party planner... THIS happened:

I can't wait 'til next week!

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Thursday, July 30, 2009

The Cannons Done Fugged Up Now....... They Got Served!!

Eminem is hoppin mad! His answer to "Obsessed" ain't nothing nice...... "The Warning" had my mouth hanging open. I mean he didn't regroup and edit anything outta this one....... He went for the jugular, there's stuff in here about, how he hit it, how she was a peen hound, how she would fly to the D to see him constantly and so so so much more, ya'll know how fast Em raps, I could barely keep up....... but there are mad, crazy, stupid body blows in this joint! yikes and ouch Mariahnic! Imma have to score this one:

Eminem: 100
Mariahnic: 0

Just leave it alone Cannons.... just walk away.......

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"OH EM GEE!!!" Files: Ron Artest Tribute Song to MJ....

It starts off...........

Yo on some real shit.....( cause you know it ain't official if you don't let the people know you on some real ish with yours, otherwise they're gonna think you not real wit it....)

These lyrics right here just move you...oh and take note that "Michael Joseph Jackson" is a nigga.....

Michael Michael Michael you my nigga, homie don't tell a lie, nigga you know that you miss him, that you miss him........I cry for Mike, I cry for Mike, I cry for Mike, I cry for Mike...

And just so we know he's talking about the right Mike he hits us with MJ songs......

"Beat It" had me open I was wilin......

This is the meaty part, this is where he puts the haters on notice that, well, Mike is his nigga!

I hope the kids is doing well, fuck everybody hatin, they can go to hell, get off my nigga back, all his music was straight crack, like that.......

Now what a treat! We get a visual of Ron Artest gettin sensual while humping "his boo" to PYT......

Imma play "pretty young thing" when I'm chillin with my boo...


This is truly a travesty to all Americans, not just those of the colored variety because he actually took time to do this? He recorded it and said "yes! now that's how you pay your respects to that nigga!" Never once considering the fact that it can't be played anywhere, ever!.........

Why do good people die young and the dumb live on into eternity?????.......

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Tweet Talk: Tila Tequila Talks P*ussy Power....

@officialTila Whatever....haters will always be haters. My TilaArmy will squash you motherfuckers any day! Read my PussyPower blog


For those of you who follow me on Twitter @officialTila or read my blogs, you know that I speak a lot about p*ssy Power! However, I felt it was important to go into further detail and explain to those out there who don’t understand what that term means. P*ssy Power is just another term for a woman who is considered to be a “BOSSLADY.” A strong, intelligent, independent, and fierce woman who isn’t afraid to use her P*SSY POWER!

As for females always hating on other females, shame on you! Women should be empowering one another. Don’t fall into that trap of being another “hater” when u see another strong and beautiful woman doing her thing. As long as she is not hurting you, nor doing any damage to your personal life, we should always celebrate each other’s success. So next time you see a hot female doing her thing and pimpin’ her game, don’t call her a “HOE” u gotta say “Damn, that girl has P*SSY POWER!” because that is exactly what it is!

I am a woman who knows what she wants, I am my own bosslady, and I am not afraid to go out there and get what I want. I am in control of my own destiny. However, once you cross into the line of “Groupie Power” that is when females put down other females because she is insecure, weak, and will do anything to fight for male attention.

Now THAT, is not what P*SSY POWER is about! A weak-minded woman who gets upset over other women, when really, their own “man” is to be blamed for cheating and whatnot, should hold the man responsible, not the other woman. If you can’t keep your man in check, then that is your own problem you need to work out with yourself and your “man.” Girls who get messy over a guy is “groupie power.” When you have more confidence in yourself, you will respect yourself and know your worth and your value. You don’t need to sweat the little things. If a man does you wrong, that is HIS loss! Brush your shoulders off and keep it moving! Respect yourself, and you shall receive respect in return. Every guy secretly loves a strong and independent woman with P*SSY POWER!

So there you have it! in summary she's saying......wash your snatch, brush your teeth, tell your boss that's a lady (bosslady) she's a puta! and study! that's what she said right? I'm effin confused as shat.......

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As Seen On TV: Snuggie For Your Pooch

This is not a joke people. The Snuggie lives on!

What will they think of next?

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Next Stop: Food Network

Michael Jackson's personal chef has been all over the tube and these here internetz today, talking about his last day on earth. Now, it appears Kai Chase is about to get her job back.

Chase had been working for Jackson since March. She was preparing lunch for him when he fell ill, got sick, was murdered, died (fill in the blank) on June 25th.

Now, she's reportedly been offered a shot to return to
cook for Jackson's kids. What, Katherine's greens ain't good enough for these newfangled tikes? They did Janet's body good.

But, before Miss Kai can whip up some arugula for li'l Blanket, she's got to finish the cookbook that MJ encouraged her to write.
Watch out Bobby Flay, I think this one's gunning for your spot.

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Where The Fly Kick It: Rustik Tavern - Brooklyn NY


Damn straight it is! and if you are any kinda cool you would want to take yourself to home of Big and Jigga and experience the neighborhood hotspot that rivals any fancy antsy spot you would clammer to get into in the city. It's just that nice...... without the $175.00 cover.

Having a party? Need a spot to have girl's night? Wanna take your boy out to get him lit the night before his wedding (that's some bullish by the way)? Need some free internet? or just wanna cold chill while sipping on an awesome drink in a way cool environment? Then Rustik is your spot! It's were all the cool kids hang, oh and the food ain't half bad either........

Go here to Rustik's site for more info and tell em the Brew sent you. Maybe we'll get a free martini or something..... hee hee!

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Brew Entertainment: Gabrielle Union

Prying herself away from that lady's husband long enough to audition.... Gabby done got herself a day job. Personally, I think she has been playing the same character since her cinematic masterpiece (insert sarcasm here) with Ladies Love Cool James, but hey-you like it- I love it.


Gabrielle Union has signed up to star in ABC's Flash Forward, it has been reported.
The sci-fi drama, starring Joseph Fiennes as an FBI agent, will centre on a mysterious global occurrence that enables people to see a vision of the future.
The Bring It On actress has been cast as Zoey, a criminal defence attorney who will serve as a love interest for one of the other castmembers on the series, TV Guide reports.
"We're thrilled that Gabrielle is joining our cast," executive producer David S. Goyer said in a statement. "When we met with her, we immediately knew she was our Zoey. She's witty, soulful and beautiful. I've been wanting to work with her for a long time."
Last year, Union was featured on a multi-episode arc of Ugly Betty, in which she played Wilhelmina's (Vanessa Williams) younger sister Renee Slater.

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Governor Pops Bottles

New York Governor David Paterson likes to get his swerve on. No, I don't mean behind the wheel (*oooh, that was bad of me, huh?*), I mean at the club! Paterson was spotted inside Taj nightclub in Manhattan early this morning, rubbing elbows with DJ Funkmaster Flex. One blogger spotted Paterson in the club and shouted him out to Hater!

Tionna Smalls said "it was past 1 am and he should be working on something like fixing the state economy." Smalls said "he's embarrassing black people."

Uh, 'scuse me Miss Ting, but can't a brotha have a little Nuvo from time to time? At least this governor isn't out trying to go all raw dawg in hookers like the last one.

I'm just sayin'… I sense some hateration in this dancery!

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Ask A Dude Roundtable: Delusions of Grandeur Much!?

(Wonder if she's sending Poont Pixels)
Your favorite Witches hosted a cyber sit down with several of the opinionated (right or wrong) fellas in our cipher and grilled them to the white meat. We're hoping these discussions can start a dialogue (In the comments section please), and foster a greater understanding between the genders. Now that you have met our dudes... let's chop it up!

Brew Q:

Double Standards: Why do men go postal on a woman if she cheats on him but if he cheats on her it’s OK and will beg for her forgiveness?

Big In Europe: First of all, cheating is NEVER right. But, as a man, let me see if I can rationalize this phenomena. Men can bathe and wash a woman off him. Women have 2 douche to do the same. Men can't get preggers. Women can. Men cheat because we are men and its nature to conquer as much pousassay, as possible, before death. Enough playing here's the real reason: Most men don't attach emotion to sex. Women do. (Theoretically, a woman can fuck someone else, fall in love and leave the person they cheated on for "something better" men most likely will never do that.)

SUpreme: I don’t know. I don’t cheat. But to offer one possible answer – cuz this is a male-dominated society, and women have long played the roles of having to accept infidelity as opposed to men having to do so. (BREW NOTE: DING DING DING! SUpreme just hit you with the heee) I will say this – because a woman’s na na is internal, NO MAN wants to think of a woman having another man INSIDE her. It’s very psychological, for both men and women. But a man – well, we extend, and probe. A woman doesn’t infiltrate us, so to speak. (Brew Note: Well now actually... sometimes, the fellas ask for that, hey who am I to judge?)

Ask A Cash: Because of our “ego” we can’t picture another name hittin' that, no matter what! The thought of it sends us over the wall. We start questioning our performance and it fucks up our psyche (what I’m sharing with you is powerful! Please don’t use it as a weapon). We start thinking if he was bigger, did he last longer, did he do oral better, did she orgasm with him and how many times…All types of “macho” shit that we just can’t take. Plus, we know that sex for women is more emotional, and for men it’s more of just a physical act. So if his girl gives her body, we question if her heart and mind are with that dude too, ESPECIALLY if the questions (see above) all work in his favor.

Rev Real: Simple…male ego. Women expect men to cheat, guys expect women to be faithful. Men that get lots are women are heralded; women that get lots of men are considered hoes; yes, there is a double standard. It’s as much about gender socialization as it is about what’s taboo. Most women don’t date multiple guys because they were raised to think that’s wrong, not because they don’t want to. Guys are expected to sow their oats and keep their main woman satisfied. Most can’t handle to possibility of her stepping out because it means he wasn’t doing his job. However, that changes when you get older. Once you hit 35 and you’re married, it changes though. You’re like “Did he do some new tricks? ‘Cause it’s a little late in the game to be changing the playbook. Just make sure he’s gone before I get home…and my dinner is ready!” I’m too old to get jealous and too young to go to jail. I ain’t trying to be the next Adibezi.
(Brew Note: All jokes aside, Rev Real is a pretty mutha jumpa, he’d be someone’s prison bitznitch in 2.2 second flat! Real talk, as the people say!)
Mr. Crab: I'm the exception. If I catch you cheating and I'm cheating, I can't say shit. We have to hash it out, cut the side folks off, and come out as a more fortified unit. Oh, and we have to talk about how the sex was with the other folks. (Brew Note: Mr. Crab is a freak..)
So what say you ladies?
Do you think we should continue to let men think that we fall in love at the instant their peens hit our lady spots?
Or should we stop accepting their douchy behavior as "that's just a man's way" and make them accountable for their actions?

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Will You Watch?: "Real Househusbands of Hollywood"

Hmmm, ok will you watch this???? Will they be pulling wigs and stuff off too??


The reality series, premiering Aug. 15 at 9 p.m., features five stay-at-home men who run the house while their wives head to work. It features former L.A. Dodger Billy Ashley; aspiring actor Danny Barclay; former "A Different World" star Darryl M. Bell, who's married to "Cosby Show" actress Tempestt Bledsoe; one-time "Gentleman Bandit" star Charlie Mattera, and Grant Reynolds, husband of "Good Day LA" anchor Jillian Reynolds. Reynolds says the main difference between the "Housewives" and the "Househusbands" - aside from their gender - is the fact that these guys are actually all friends.

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